FA+
Shop
Update 12/13/2023: Long Overdue
2 years ago
Oh it's been... A long time. There's no good way to start one of these huh? haha... ha. I am months behind my posting.
I've been mostly updating my twitter about my current situation. Accepting the slow death of the site makes it much easier to use, apparently. I'll summarize it though:
Start of November 2023: i rapidly realised that I don't really jive well with hard numbers. I tried to humor the idea of rebooting growtober for a bit and I just quickly lost interest in even rebooting. It just wound up putting me back in that same headspace I used to be in before I found my niche in this section of the furry community, where a post not doing well would negatively impact my mental health (in this case it was because it would mean less overall growth, which made me feel like I was hosting a shitty event). I am tremendously sorry to those who did donate, but I will be tabling growtober until I can find a way to do it that works for me. Whenever that ends up being, I will count the donations again for the days they were donated for. I won't be doing any other drives until I finish this one.
Mid November - Ongoing: My living situation has become potentially hazardous to my health. I explain it there, but to summarize my room is the only room impacted by a mold issue that has been developing for nearly a decade. My parents deny its mold, to the point that they've told me to stop telling people about it. Unfortunately, mycotoxins can indirectly result in elevated hormone levels, which i'm periodically dealing with the symptoms this results in. I'm working with multiple people to figure something out and that may mean me moving out earlier than I'd like. if this happens I will set up a go fund me but I'm trying not to until it's absolutely necessary.
Because of this, all of my ETAs on owed work were paused: meaning that I did not consider *this* time to be a part of it. I don't know how long it'll be. I'm planning on unpausing it to resume work either if necessary to get out of this situation, or to clear my queue before I move.
Early December: I very recently I found out I'm Plural. This will change very little of how I interact here, I just figured I'd state it here because I stated it on my twitter recently. Unfortunately this event was triggered by a person I invited to live mic while I was streaming and they said multiple things that forced me to relive my trauma from my abuser. As FA's policy does not allow me to expose anyone, I will not state the pseudonym of the person who popped into this stream.
It seems like every time I think i have time I get hit with a new kind of bat. I absolutely hate that, as I really don't like looking like i can't handle myself. I'd just like to take the moment to thank every single one of my friends and even acquaintances who have lent me their ear and shoulder during these times. I've been a right stick in the mud and I just hope things can blow over soon so I can make more art in a safer environment.
Thank you for reading!
I've been mostly updating my twitter about my current situation. Accepting the slow death of the site makes it much easier to use, apparently. I'll summarize it though:
Start of November 2023: i rapidly realised that I don't really jive well with hard numbers. I tried to humor the idea of rebooting growtober for a bit and I just quickly lost interest in even rebooting. It just wound up putting me back in that same headspace I used to be in before I found my niche in this section of the furry community, where a post not doing well would negatively impact my mental health (in this case it was because it would mean less overall growth, which made me feel like I was hosting a shitty event). I am tremendously sorry to those who did donate, but I will be tabling growtober until I can find a way to do it that works for me. Whenever that ends up being, I will count the donations again for the days they were donated for. I won't be doing any other drives until I finish this one.
Mid November - Ongoing: My living situation has become potentially hazardous to my health. I explain it there, but to summarize my room is the only room impacted by a mold issue that has been developing for nearly a decade. My parents deny its mold, to the point that they've told me to stop telling people about it. Unfortunately, mycotoxins can indirectly result in elevated hormone levels, which i'm periodically dealing with the symptoms this results in. I'm working with multiple people to figure something out and that may mean me moving out earlier than I'd like. if this happens I will set up a go fund me but I'm trying not to until it's absolutely necessary.
Because of this, all of my ETAs on owed work were paused: meaning that I did not consider *this* time to be a part of it. I don't know how long it'll be. I'm planning on unpausing it to resume work either if necessary to get out of this situation, or to clear my queue before I move.
Early December: I very recently I found out I'm Plural. This will change very little of how I interact here, I just figured I'd state it here because I stated it on my twitter recently. Unfortunately this event was triggered by a person I invited to live mic while I was streaming and they said multiple things that forced me to relive my trauma from my abuser. As FA's policy does not allow me to expose anyone, I will not state the pseudonym of the person who popped into this stream.
It seems like every time I think i have time I get hit with a new kind of bat. I absolutely hate that, as I really don't like looking like i can't handle myself. I'd just like to take the moment to thank every single one of my friends and even acquaintances who have lent me their ear and shoulder during these times. I've been a right stick in the mud and I just hope things can blow over soon so I can make more art in a safer environment.
Thank you for reading!
⚠️DO NOT USE MY ART FOR AI TRAINING!⚠️
Please be respectful. I appreciate constructive criticism, however baseless negativity or bullying of myself or others isn't tolerated on my page. Don't be a dick ok?
✦ Twitter ✦ SoFurry ✦ Weasyl ✦ Newgrounds ✦ Buzzly ✦ Telegram Channel ✦ Patreon ✦
Please be respectful. I appreciate constructive criticism, however baseless negativity or bullying of myself or others isn't tolerated on my page. Don't be a dick ok?
Places to Find Me 
✦ Twitter ✦ SoFurry ✦ Weasyl ✦ Newgrounds ✦ Buzzly ✦ Telegram Channel ✦ Patreon ✦
It's important to have support and people you can talk to.
Always wishing the best for you out there.
thank you for the support <3
When it comes to growth drives: Size is relative anyway. The absolute numbers matter a lot less than the relative size, such as comparing to a house, skyscraper, planet, etc. So I don't blame you for not wanting to obsess about the hard numbers so much.
As for plurality: Always fun to see another system, even if traumagenic plurality is a harsh way to make that discovery. Hopefully it ultimately becomes a positive influence for you as you try to heal and navigate all the other things going forward.
My other journals explain just a little bit of what i deal with at home, but as a young undiagnosed AuDHD kid (both get underdiagnosed in AFAB people) my needs were not met and my unique quirks were actively scrutinized. it caused me to not really develop a true sense of self and we think that primed us to split later on. at the very least, the dissociation (one specific alter we later found out) has been there since I was 11-15, I just called them "Big Brother" since I am an only child and the energy was protective. I can trace most alters' development to specific events even within the last few years. hell, one of them claimed Poppy's prior version from when we dated our abuser and its' prior name "Hades".
At the very least, it's helped us deal with our trauma directly and slow down to assess our needs, and hasn't been a huge issue internally as we don't have huge arguments even if we disagree. I don't know exactly how my relationship with my parents will be after I do move, especially since as the prepwork for the move started my grandfather on my mother's side is starting to deteriorate due to prostate cancer.
Lmao oops I thought this was posted today but i already drafted this thing i might as well submit it *shrug* Thank you for the words of support!
As for all the stresses that led you to this point: We hope you can find some peace and healing. You deserve that, as does any sentient creature.