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⚠️SERIOUS LIFE UPDATE⚠️
2 years ago
General
☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙˚̩̩͙*•✩•̩̩͙*˚
˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ 
⚠️ BEWARE: Disturbing subject matter ahead⚠️
Hey yall... so unfortunately there wont be a Seeking to Draw List this month.
This whole past month and a half has been an utter shit show. My grandfathers health rapidly declined through the beginning of November and ultimately on Friday November 17th at 7:29pm EST he passed from this realm to the next. I've been trapped in the middle of some of the worst family drama and vicious fighting I've ever experienced between my mom and my aunt. I did get to say my goodbyes to him over the phone a few hours before he passed tho. It was the roughest phone call I've ever made and he was non communicative due to suffering a major stroke the day beforehand. So I just listened to his death rattle as he tried to respond to me choking my words through my sobbing for 21 minutes. I played "Life Is But a Dream..." by Avenged Sevenfold on my laptop while I was talking to him. I highly suggest giving it a listen, it's Synester Gates playing a piano instrumental piece from their newest album. I didn't know anything else to play because I couldn't for the life of me think of what HIS favourite songs were in that moment but I also didn't want South Park playing in the background while I was sobbing and choking out my goodbyes, so I played music instead, specifically that song.
Last Wednesday (Dec 6) was his entombment ceremony where I saw him for the first time since my birthday back in February;
I haven't been to the family mausoleum in a very very long time, my Nana is there as well as my Uncle Bryan, I knew it was going to be an extremely emotional day for me and it ended up being super fucking TRAUMATIZING!!!
So they were waiting for 
and I to arrive, we live 2.5 hours away, so I could view my grandfather one last time before they placed him in the mausoleum....YALL I fucking audibly gasped and almost fainted when they opened the casket. I then started crying and literally screaming that "nothing is real" in the cemetery. I absolutely LOST MY GODDAMN MIND!!
He looked like a mummy who had his ass beaten and had his lower half eaten by piranhas; covered in thick layers of makeup with semi decayed looking hands and unfortunately they didn't present him properly because I was basically able to see inside his body cavity through an opening in his suit...sooo...yeah...some serious nightmare fuel there.... :')
The funeral people didn't do a single damn thing my mom had paid for and they ALMOST DROPPED HIM!!! They almost dropped my grandfather's casket and the way everything would have fallen his casket would have popped open and then my grandfather's dead body would absolutely have rolled out of the casket and down the hill towards the highway. SOOO if that would have happened either I would have been suing the absolute FUCK out of these people...or I would have just...ascended right then and there leaving my partner stranded somewhere he's never been before.
My partner and I were the only ones to show up as my mom stayed home because our youngest was home from school sick with bronchitis and it was a cold, rainy, and windy day in Raleigh.
It was a horribly miserable time...the ONLY good thing that came from it...was getting Popeye's Chicken, because we don't have one in Wilmy.
My nerves are completely shot right now and as I type this my partner's parents have started a whole super aggressive shit show because I dared to express how I was feeling while deep deep in raw grief. They've decided to make this all about themselves and for the THIRD TIME now my PoS father in law has tried to charge through my partner to physically attack me...all because I was crying and venting to my partner about how much intense stress I've been under during everything.
So far we haven't been able to celebrate any of the holidays at all. I don't even think we ate anything on Thanksgiving.
It's currently 10 days til Christmas and I haven't gotten anything for anyone.
Shit got messed up because the brakes on my car needed an emergency replacement before we could take the trip to Raleigh (plus the gas and stuff for that) and that took most of my money and then of course we needed to be able to survive.
Apart from the weekly rent on the room my partners parents do not help with anything whatsoever. WE are the ones always making sure everyone has food, including the animals.
We're currently planning our escape.
Big things and some serious change is coming very soon!
The Seeking to Draw List will be returning January 2024.
I am of course open for all commissions so I can atleast do Christmas for our 3 & 5 yr olds.
I'll be making some art sales posts in the coming days and I've got a couple YCHs I'm preparing to post as well.
Just trying to catch a glimpse of the magic in this time of year because this seriously has been one of the most unChristmasy Christmases on record for me.
NGL I'm struggling so fucking bad right now...but atleast I'm trying my best yeah..???
If you've made it this far, thanks for taking the time out of your day to read about my shitshow of a life. :')
Leave a comment or something?? idk
Thanks yall
-H3L
Dude life has been so wildly unhinged lately. I'm STILL baffled that his parents have taken a death in MY family as a challenge to their spotlight, of all things to turn into a pissing contest...and of all things to threaten violence over...
I'm having an especially difficult time with my grandfathers death because we never had the best relationship throughout my life; we never saw eye to eye and fought alot more than anyone should ever do with their grandparent. I like to think we made peace with each other in the end before he passed and I was literally the one and only family member to be at his entombment. That was my last grandparent to pass so I guess I'm struggling because the next generation to start passing is my mom and I know someday my boys will experience this same pain and I'm just...I'm having a hard time with that. Plus with him being the primary/only father figure in my life it felt like I lost a dad as well as a granddad.
My aunt has made this time all about her as well and has fought with me and my mom every step of the way while also grasping at straws in a desperate attempt to guilt trip us at every turn.
I'm at a breaking point and I just wanna be able to do something good for my kids, ya know??
I also just really wanna be able to live my life without constant fear of shit hitting the fan and worrying about where our next meal will come from or if the bills are paid.
I'm so beyond done with constantly being lied to about anything and everything.
Thankfully the end of this nonsense with his parents is on the horizon since I'm due to receive the rest of my disability retroactive benefits at the end of next month (just in time for my birthday on Feb 3 heh) and it will definitely be enough to get us and our pets out of the hotel and finally away from them.
Getting an actual home will be the best birthday gift I get myself lol
The end is finally on the horizon, just gotta bite our tongues and bide our time while getting all the ducks in a row to make that leap. Currently looking at rental options since we'll finally have the money to do everything at the end of next month. Really hoping to find a place with an actual yard for our dogs and our kids to play in safely.It's so dangerous living here right now. So so ready for this nightmare to finally be over!!