Hey y'all.

Hope your holiday season has been good. I had been thinking about making a proper journal entry about how 2023 went. Quite frankly, 2023 was the best worst year ever... if you get what I mean.

In October of 2022 I cut off contact with my mother. I wanted to end years of collective torment and anguish from trying to feel any love from her. She has always resented my existence, and treated me accordingly. I played very nice, I did a lot of the things good children do to honor their parents. I went to college on my own dime, worked while I was in school, but it was not enough for her. I was constantly threatened with eviction, I never felt truly safe, ever. Eventually she did kick me and my sister out back in 2020 so she could build a house for her and her boyfriend. She married that man in September of 2022, where the day before the ceremony, she snapped at me in front of my ex-partner so viciously. In that moment it was like a switch flipped in my head, in that definitive moment, after everything I had been through, I just didnt love her anymore. The "unconditional" love of a child was shattered, and quite frankly I havent felt the slightest bit of guilt or sadness for doing what i've done. For the sake of brevity, I will leave out her insane attempts to harass me once I did cut her out, but 2023 has confirmed my feelings for my mother, and assured me that I have made the right decision for myself for once.

2023 was the year my first -proper- relationship ended. We had been together for almost 3 years with 2 years of the relationship being spent living together. It was kind of like a dream... having someone to come home to, someone to share my life with. We had a lot of hope for the future, but things just never panned out... There was the slow burn of a dying relationship with the paranoia of not knowing if the new foe sharing your bed will hurt you. Theres the shame and embarrassment of others knowing your relationship is ending and their speculations over whose fault it is... We had enough. My ex moved back to California, and I was soon alone in Virginia to figure out how to move on.

Move on I did, I moved to Pittsburgh. To some it seemed like it was on a whim, but it was something that i've wanted to do for the last few years. My best friend summoned me. I rent a room in a house with him and two others. Its actually a quite nice place to be, and the city has really grown on me. Moving here has also done wonders for my social life. Only issue is finding work here has been pretty awful. Like a fool, I left my only stable job i've ever had back in virginia to move here. Im still looking for work... its been 6 months. I have an interview lined up after the new year for a bridge inspector position but aside from that, its been a tough market. I've been driving for uber in the meantime but it hasn't been sustainable. So, it goes without saying my finances are in the toilet. Im fully confident that once I fall back into full-time work that I can lead a much better life than I did back in Virginia, so I'll keep trying.

So yeah... 2023 was hard. A fucking brutal year. Not my worst year, that easily goes to 2008 or 2017, but definitely hard. I need some hope. I want to believe that in 2024 that my hard work to turn my life around will pay off. I have things I need to overcome so I can begin overcoming the harder things to come...

But hey, heres some good things that happened. I did alot of drawing this year! even did commissions. Alot if it was for my penumbracorp page, which quickly surpassed all my main accounts in popularity. I will be sticking to it in 2024. My art skills have improved alot in 2023, and I can only imagine how much I will improve in by the end of 2024.

The furry world keeps me going, and fuels my stubborn will to survive. Lets keep going.

Happy new year!