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Put on the mask.
2 years ago
Smart people understand that there is no such thing as paranoia. It is just another mask for ignorance. The Truth, when you finally chase it down, is almost always far worse than your darkest visions and fears.
Hunter S. Thompson
Hunter S. Thompson
So your presence is requested, death-bed stuff. So you screw up your courage and fix your smile and hope you can keep it together long enough not to crack and fight to keep your eyes dry.
You talk and laugh about the past. You play the memory game and the mask slips a little and a tear makes it out but you play it off, you were laughing pretty hard there.
Then they tell you how frightened they feel. You know. We all feel that way, but they are in the tunnel and they see the train and you don't know what to say. You just don't know what to say.
But they grab you. They apologize that they are going to be going first. They aren't gonna be there for this, or that. Or something else.
So you grab them back. Oh, crap. I'm doing this again. Another lifelong friend is dying. I'm not sure how long I can keep doing this.
But you stay, just for a while, till their tears dry a little. And you promise to come see them again.
The drive home is quiet.
But you put that mask on once more and you screw up your courage and you go be with them.
You go be with them.
And then it's quiet again.
You talk and laugh about the past. You play the memory game and the mask slips a little and a tear makes it out but you play it off, you were laughing pretty hard there.
Then they tell you how frightened they feel. You know. We all feel that way, but they are in the tunnel and they see the train and you don't know what to say. You just don't know what to say.
But they grab you. They apologize that they are going to be going first. They aren't gonna be there for this, or that. Or something else.
So you grab them back. Oh, crap. I'm doing this again. Another lifelong friend is dying. I'm not sure how long I can keep doing this.
But you stay, just for a while, till their tears dry a little. And you promise to come see them again.
The drive home is quiet.
But you put that mask on once more and you screw up your courage and you go be with them.
You go be with them.
And then it's quiet again.
Damn. We have get you away to a crazy beach somewhere...
I've been part of the Honor Guard for three military funerals, and in two of them I knew the Marines being buried, and presented the folded flag to their wife/Father. In full Dress Blues, not crying/shedding tears is literally the most difficult thing I've ever done while a Marine, and I don't know how I managed it, 'cause I fall apart later and still can't even type this w/o feeling my eyes well up again.
There are some pains, some grief, some distress where crying is not shameful, and I have no problem with anyone who cries during them, man or woman.
Sometimes, 'Duty calls' and we do our best to put on our strong face, to show our support, love, respect.
We're only human, and we can only do the best we can under trying circumstances.
You have my full condolences over this current trial, and in the imminent death of your friend. Death is a scary thing, and one we're all going to face eventually. How we deal with it is up to the individual (And the circumstances).
The only thing the rest of us can do is be there in as many ways as possible, to show those dying they're not alone, not forgotten, and to reassure them we'll do our best to see them again on the other side of the veil.
(((Hugs, if o.k.)))