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Why I’ve been gone 6 months
2 years ago
General
My Journal
Before I get into why I left, I’m going to get into a bigger concern that has happened as of late. Due to the fact everyone in office are insane; and the disturbing rise of fascist ideologies and the marginalization of many growing, plus the very chance it will get out of control.. I have no clue if this is just a temporary hello or a permanent goodbye. I have no clue if tomorrow there won’t be an internet or if some day I’ll be arrested for speaking out against tyranny (or even dying) because the people in office no matter if they have a D or an R next to their name have made it clear that there is no freedom, no virtue, and stand on oppression. The lives of women, children, immigrants, the homeless, LGBTQ especially trans folks, and even your entire family and community could be at risk of a rapidly growing mass surveillance state that disguises itself as “freedom” and “safety”.
Saying this I’ll also spread the message of Free Palestine, for the people who live there are facing horrors beyond anything I thought I’d ever see in 2023-2024, millions getting bombarded and displaced and wiped out. Seeing that taking place for months now, as well as what’s happening in Ukraine and Congo are an extreme cause of concern for how the people in power actively are evil. I dunno if I can get deep into the topic because I dunno what words on this site could ban me, but I highly suggest everyone research and see where our tax dollars are going towards.
Well after saying all that, now I’ll say why I’ve been gone from pretty much all social media except for Discord, Twitter, and the new and improved Twitter which is Bluesky. For starters, I have been emotionally and mentally exhausted long before I’ve left. This feeling has been on me since the day I finished high school. A feeling of isolation but also longing to improve but never really feeling like I could get anywhere. I feel so behind but then I see others twice my age in my same position so I really dunno what to make of that. Back in February of last year was when I think the feeling finally just smacked me hard enough it made me just go into my shell, and that was when I broke my arm and subsequently lost my job. Today my arm has not truly recovered, same as with my isolation. I am trying now to speak out and get to know more people but it’s definitely a struggle, being that I really don’t know anyone other than family outside the internet anymore. There are other more personal reasons why my mental health has been shot, and those add up too. Plus everything going on out there making me feel hopeless and hesitant to participate in anything.
The second big reason, is how furry has… a big problem now with purity culture. Purity culture in of itself is a cancer that disguises itself as a progressive and protective cause like kicking out harmful folk who do legitimately awful things, but this pure sentiment grows to become repackaged sexism, homophobic, racist, and straight up untrue claims; and weaponize serious terms and faux outrage against anyone who doesn’t step in line. This is also seen in our government right now, as they have weaponized so many legitimately harmful terms like “groomer” against groups of people who aren’t doing that. They know it’s not true, but they want to hurt the groups they are pointing to. This is similarly what is happening online right now not just with furry but fandom culture in general. The word “groomer” and “z00” get thrown around like those words mean absolutely nothing, as well as demonize anything sexual, body positive, otherkin, fictional, or “weird” and call it “porn addiction” (because you felt bad once for jerking it and now you have victim mentality) as well as repackaged bigot talking points. So why are a lot of furries starting to get this way? It’s complicated but also not really. They don’t want to be perceived as “weird” by others and are afraid of being called out for thinking differently.
There’s a lot more to it but I’ll keep it simple. Many of these people will grow out of this mentality. It sucks right now cause there legit is a wave of purity culture going right now that’s not entirely internalized but also due to literal efforts of politicizing it, but I do predict most people will grow out of this mindset.
Unfortunately a more pressing thing is how it is politicized now. Right now there is a crusade against anything fantasy or LGBTQ in media, perpetuated by bigots and aims to censor the internet entirely as well as make the mere existence of porn and fantasy a crime. I personally think they will fail in their endeavors (as well as having their fascist ideologies collapse and fizzle away) but in the meantime we have to be on edge and fight for freedom and celebrating weirdness. So yeah keep furry weird. Wear that puphood, draw yourself as a monster energy drink sparkle dog with emo hair, create crazy art, and above all don’t let purity mindsets take root in fandom spaces.
Basically after saying all this: the stuff I’ve seen on Twitter is legit exhausting. Made me not want to post any of my art in fear I would suddenly have a bunch of people start yelling at me. After much consideration I feel like I shouldn’t care what people say. I know this phrase has been used by horrid characters out there but it is a legit true phrase: Fiction and fantasy are not reality. Stop listening to the cop in your head and just draw and have fun. That being said there are ways to absolutely abuse that and to hurt real people with, so it’s always important to be careful too. Also before anyone yells at me: reality is not fiction. Consenting adults is a must and hurting people and beyond is not cool in the slightest.
Third thing that made me take a break is simply the rise in AI content ruining the online experience. It’s not just the images anymore it’s literally everywhere and it’s all generated slop that is poisoning the online experience and no matter how much better it gets it still fails as it just copies and reuses from other people and even other Ai. Tech bros are so convinced this will take us to mars and give us so much freedom but really it’s just an instant gratification machine that tries so hard to be a replacement and a cost cutting measure that everything it produces is cheap. Like a knockoff toy or filler text you see in a video game. And the worst part it’s not just taking creative jobs but is expanding into more areas of industry. So probably soon we’re gonna have Ai generated prebuilt houses and Ai generated prepackaged meals. Yum. The government (at least the American government) probably won’t give us a universal income either as more and more are layed off and homeless so the wealth gap will grow even more as inflation grows further.
For me and many others, we will continue to make and follow actual artists and creators. I feel like just shutting away all the art I drew in 2023 is a bad idea and shouldn’t be worried so I should just post again.
So yeah. I apologize for barely posting anything on here and elsewhere. My goal is to start posting all the art I worked on in 2023 and 24 unless something happens like if a war happens or some other major event happens that prevents me from this. My goal for 2024 and beyond is to draw what I want to draw and not let fandom cop or whoever stop that. Some of the best artists ever created during the darkest moments in history, and maybe I can too. I just hope all the rampant hate and violence ends soon, either fizzling away under its own weight or people defying them and not letting go of a picture of a better world. Despite my depression and my low self esteem, I truly do believe in a better world for everyone, where everyone can be happy and healthy and true to themselves. And I think that day may be closer than it appears.
I just want to say, thank you to everyone who reached out and make my life happier, even though I feel like I don’t truly deserve anything good. Hopefully I make all of your lives better and happy too.
Also I missed 4959 arts, 44 faves, 454 journals, and 9 followers watching me. Guess I got a lot of cleaning up to do ._.
Saying this I’ll also spread the message of Free Palestine, for the people who live there are facing horrors beyond anything I thought I’d ever see in 2023-2024, millions getting bombarded and displaced and wiped out. Seeing that taking place for months now, as well as what’s happening in Ukraine and Congo are an extreme cause of concern for how the people in power actively are evil. I dunno if I can get deep into the topic because I dunno what words on this site could ban me, but I highly suggest everyone research and see where our tax dollars are going towards.
Well after saying all that, now I’ll say why I’ve been gone from pretty much all social media except for Discord, Twitter, and the new and improved Twitter which is Bluesky. For starters, I have been emotionally and mentally exhausted long before I’ve left. This feeling has been on me since the day I finished high school. A feeling of isolation but also longing to improve but never really feeling like I could get anywhere. I feel so behind but then I see others twice my age in my same position so I really dunno what to make of that. Back in February of last year was when I think the feeling finally just smacked me hard enough it made me just go into my shell, and that was when I broke my arm and subsequently lost my job. Today my arm has not truly recovered, same as with my isolation. I am trying now to speak out and get to know more people but it’s definitely a struggle, being that I really don’t know anyone other than family outside the internet anymore. There are other more personal reasons why my mental health has been shot, and those add up too. Plus everything going on out there making me feel hopeless and hesitant to participate in anything.
The second big reason, is how furry has… a big problem now with purity culture. Purity culture in of itself is a cancer that disguises itself as a progressive and protective cause like kicking out harmful folk who do legitimately awful things, but this pure sentiment grows to become repackaged sexism, homophobic, racist, and straight up untrue claims; and weaponize serious terms and faux outrage against anyone who doesn’t step in line. This is also seen in our government right now, as they have weaponized so many legitimately harmful terms like “groomer” against groups of people who aren’t doing that. They know it’s not true, but they want to hurt the groups they are pointing to. This is similarly what is happening online right now not just with furry but fandom culture in general. The word “groomer” and “z00” get thrown around like those words mean absolutely nothing, as well as demonize anything sexual, body positive, otherkin, fictional, or “weird” and call it “porn addiction” (because you felt bad once for jerking it and now you have victim mentality) as well as repackaged bigot talking points. So why are a lot of furries starting to get this way? It’s complicated but also not really. They don’t want to be perceived as “weird” by others and are afraid of being called out for thinking differently.
There’s a lot more to it but I’ll keep it simple. Many of these people will grow out of this mentality. It sucks right now cause there legit is a wave of purity culture going right now that’s not entirely internalized but also due to literal efforts of politicizing it, but I do predict most people will grow out of this mindset.
Unfortunately a more pressing thing is how it is politicized now. Right now there is a crusade against anything fantasy or LGBTQ in media, perpetuated by bigots and aims to censor the internet entirely as well as make the mere existence of porn and fantasy a crime. I personally think they will fail in their endeavors (as well as having their fascist ideologies collapse and fizzle away) but in the meantime we have to be on edge and fight for freedom and celebrating weirdness. So yeah keep furry weird. Wear that puphood, draw yourself as a monster energy drink sparkle dog with emo hair, create crazy art, and above all don’t let purity mindsets take root in fandom spaces.
Basically after saying all this: the stuff I’ve seen on Twitter is legit exhausting. Made me not want to post any of my art in fear I would suddenly have a bunch of people start yelling at me. After much consideration I feel like I shouldn’t care what people say. I know this phrase has been used by horrid characters out there but it is a legit true phrase: Fiction and fantasy are not reality. Stop listening to the cop in your head and just draw and have fun. That being said there are ways to absolutely abuse that and to hurt real people with, so it’s always important to be careful too. Also before anyone yells at me: reality is not fiction. Consenting adults is a must and hurting people and beyond is not cool in the slightest.
Third thing that made me take a break is simply the rise in AI content ruining the online experience. It’s not just the images anymore it’s literally everywhere and it’s all generated slop that is poisoning the online experience and no matter how much better it gets it still fails as it just copies and reuses from other people and even other Ai. Tech bros are so convinced this will take us to mars and give us so much freedom but really it’s just an instant gratification machine that tries so hard to be a replacement and a cost cutting measure that everything it produces is cheap. Like a knockoff toy or filler text you see in a video game. And the worst part it’s not just taking creative jobs but is expanding into more areas of industry. So probably soon we’re gonna have Ai generated prebuilt houses and Ai generated prepackaged meals. Yum. The government (at least the American government) probably won’t give us a universal income either as more and more are layed off and homeless so the wealth gap will grow even more as inflation grows further.
For me and many others, we will continue to make and follow actual artists and creators. I feel like just shutting away all the art I drew in 2023 is a bad idea and shouldn’t be worried so I should just post again.
So yeah. I apologize for barely posting anything on here and elsewhere. My goal is to start posting all the art I worked on in 2023 and 24 unless something happens like if a war happens or some other major event happens that prevents me from this. My goal for 2024 and beyond is to draw what I want to draw and not let fandom cop or whoever stop that. Some of the best artists ever created during the darkest moments in history, and maybe I can too. I just hope all the rampant hate and violence ends soon, either fizzling away under its own weight or people defying them and not letting go of a picture of a better world. Despite my depression and my low self esteem, I truly do believe in a better world for everyone, where everyone can be happy and healthy and true to themselves. And I think that day may be closer than it appears.
I just want to say, thank you to everyone who reached out and make my life happier, even though I feel like I don’t truly deserve anything good. Hopefully I make all of your lives better and happy too.
Also I missed 4959 arts, 44 faves, 454 journals, and 9 followers watching me. Guess I got a lot of cleaning up to do ._.
