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Feeling down
2 years ago
It's been a long while, like a couple of years when I was quite unhappy with myself. This year it took a turn for the better.
I hated how reserved and reclusive I was (to the point that I considered that ending it all might be a good choice) so I decided to reach out to my good friend Hukot (who hasn't reinstated his account on FA yet), after a long hard talk we had, I changed my outlook on life.
I am of a low self-esteem and that led me to turn down a lot of opportunities to hang out, have fun and god knows what else. I just believed that in actuality everyone hated my company and invited me out of pity. I wasn't living, I was minimising harm, as if in a survival situation.
I relayed that to him, he asked me a couple of good questions: 'If that was true, then why the hell do I even care to talk to you? Why do you think I sit here in the middle of the night listening to you pour out your soul? Would I invite you to play games together if I really hated who you are? You don't realise it, but there are qualities about yourself that actually make you fun to be around. You just refuse to acknowledge them.'
I sat there, silent. It only now clicked in my brain that I wasn't shielding myself from being hurt, nor saved my frends' time - insted I was wasting my opportunities to make memories and be a good friend.
This year I decided to be a little more open about myself and how I feel, I even told a girl I had a crush on her in uni, she said she'd be happy to chat more! I keep in touch with her to this day! I feel a lot happier now that I used to at the end of 2023.
Depression? Stupidity? A lapse in judgment? Who knows, I should have gone and got a proper diagnosis, but one thing I did right, I reached out to a person that cared about me. Hukot is one of a few who I really ACTUALLY trust.
Moral of the story? Feeling shit isn't the way, reach out to people you trust, they will do everything in their power to help you. Don't dismiss professional help either! There is help, but nobody knows besides YOU that you need it.
I hated how reserved and reclusive I was (to the point that I considered that ending it all might be a good choice) so I decided to reach out to my good friend Hukot (who hasn't reinstated his account on FA yet), after a long hard talk we had, I changed my outlook on life.
I am of a low self-esteem and that led me to turn down a lot of opportunities to hang out, have fun and god knows what else. I just believed that in actuality everyone hated my company and invited me out of pity. I wasn't living, I was minimising harm, as if in a survival situation.
I relayed that to him, he asked me a couple of good questions: 'If that was true, then why the hell do I even care to talk to you? Why do you think I sit here in the middle of the night listening to you pour out your soul? Would I invite you to play games together if I really hated who you are? You don't realise it, but there are qualities about yourself that actually make you fun to be around. You just refuse to acknowledge them.'
I sat there, silent. It only now clicked in my brain that I wasn't shielding myself from being hurt, nor saved my frends' time - insted I was wasting my opportunities to make memories and be a good friend.
This year I decided to be a little more open about myself and how I feel, I even told a girl I had a crush on her in uni, she said she'd be happy to chat more! I keep in touch with her to this day! I feel a lot happier now that I used to at the end of 2023.
Depression? Stupidity? A lapse in judgment? Who knows, I should have gone and got a proper diagnosis, but one thing I did right, I reached out to a person that cared about me. Hukot is one of a few who I really ACTUALLY trust.
Moral of the story? Feeling shit isn't the way, reach out to people you trust, they will do everything in their power to help you. Don't dismiss professional help either! There is help, but nobody knows besides YOU that you need it.
