Grief is a motherfucker. All I do is pine for him. I'm dizzy and exhausted but I can't sleep and I feel like I'm gonna faint, but never actually do. I can't eat and now I'm in the process of moving everything I can to my mother's apartment.

There's room for everything I have but I'm so tired and in pain. Physical and emotional. Depression got the better of Flickie and I midway through summer last year and the attic got really messy. So there's a lot that needs to be thrown away too.

I just don't want to do this anymore. I want to relax. But I can't. I have to take care of my cats and stop being a burden on his parents.

His mom is overworked taking care of his very sick father. He has aggressive dementia. It was getting worse when we first moved in but it nose dove in the summer. He just progresses every day.

I don't know. I'm trying to be ok but obviously that's not possible. I'm depressed and there's too much happening and now this. I need... Something to give. Anything, so I can relax a while.