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Update on Everything (Includes tldr version)~
a year ago
Disconnected from the world again.... 
Hey everyone! It's weird seeing that my last posts were a couple months ago in terms of adopts and journals, as I've been trying to keep up on here with notes the best that I can- anyone who hasn't gotten a response to something, you will be seeing one soon!
(TLDR is at the end of the journal if you're not up to reading a novel!)
So, let me get to the important info first.
Commissions, and what I'm doing about it.
I owe several of you some art, which I promise is COMING!
This month is going to be dedicated to finishing commissions (as in march throughout april)- I'm making it a stern GOAL to have almost everyone's comms and customs done by Mid to Late April.
My motivation has sucked recently, as I'm sure you've realized. I have started working harder on commissions however, and am making fair progress! I'm planning to step things up in the next several days though so I can really work through this next month and hopefully get most of my queue cleared.
I'm doing several at once, as my mind tends to work best when I switch between things I've found. There are several that are close to completion; and unfortunately, others that have not had as much work done on them because when transferring some of my Queue over to a different document a bit late last year, in HOPES to actually make things more cohesive for me to work on...it seems there were 1 or 2 that got lost in transit, which I am truly sorry about to those of you this happened to- I promise I am doing my best to work on it now, and you should be seeing new WIPs soon!
I also really REALLY think I am going to go back to making a physical journal/planner queue in addition to - I feel like it helps me keep up a little better!! I'll be keeping an eye out for a new one.
That being said, I NEED money right now, so in between I will be making some adopts. Please don't fret, this is stuff being done in between working on commissions and other things- again, I tend to work in a bit of a scattered way with doing multiple things at once, so often while I'm working on your comms, I will also be working on some adopts.
I really hope y'all will like them! I've had some kind of stashed away that are almost or basically finished that I had been working on late last year and ended up abandoning due to lack of motivation.
TW: mentions of death
Now, WHY I've had such EXTRA low motivation the past couple months.
I feel like many of you have a general idea of what's going on, my mental health hasn't been at its best in quite a long time. I have spiraled into an even deeper depression after experiencing the death of my cat late December, and I am just...
Bad at grieving. It seems to never end. I think about her, her last moments, what she went through, how much I miss her....it haunts me and still will cry about it daily if I dare think about it. Hell, I haven't even been back to my own house in almost 3 months because I've been avoiding it because I know I'll think about how empty the room will feel without her there....but I am going back likely today or tonight, so. I do miss my house, my girlfriend's place is fine, especially since our friends live here as well. But both me and my partner miss my house lol....less issues there foundation wise.
And now, to top things off, our dog/my dad's dog is dying. He doesn't have a lot of time left it seems with the symptoms he's presenting...he is old, so it's not like it doesn't make sense. The vet said he doesn't need to be put down just yet if the medication they gave him helps control his seizures that he has been getting, which thankfully it has been. He has heart failure on top of all of that though, so there's probably extremely little time...another reason to get back to my house.
Even though he's not "my" dog, he has been in my life since I was 15 years old. He has always been a little sweetheart, an anxious timid boy with literal ocd, but we have always done our best to make sure he's comfortable and feels safe.
So yeah, that does hit quite a bit considering this is the second death of an animal around me in the past 3 months.....I just know when it actually happens it's going to compound everything. I really do dread it.
Other than that, mental health has been kinda the same crappy cycle with mood swings and horrible anxiety and whatnot.
I do want to make something clear though- I AM NOT TELLING YOU ABOUT MY MENTAL HEALTH AND LIFE ISSUES AS AN EXCUSE TO NOT GET THINGS DONE FASTER/COMMUNICATE BETTER/ETC.
I'm well aware that there are people who try to use mental health as a scapegoat to cheat their way out of something, but that is not the case here, nor is it the case with most people. I ACKNOWLEDGE that the information I'm giving you is a REASON, but not an EXCUSE. Giving someone a reason as to why something is happening isn't immediately someone's "get out of jail free card"- I know as good as anyone that mental health does not excuse your actions or absolve you of consequences.
I state this plainly because I've been noticing some rather ableist behavior from people on an off the site (mostly on other sites but thought I'd mention it here) demonizing others for mental health issues and life struggles who legitimately are just going through a rough time. You can hold someone accountable and still be a kind person.
Believe me, I've been hittin' myself constantly for not being more on top of things.
But I am really trying to do better and make some concrete goals for this coming month. Another goal of mine is to get in touch with a therapist- I've found an organization that connects you to potential therapists and I'm going to give that a try very soon.
BUT YES
TL;DR:
My top priority is working on commissions right now, and getting out some adopts because I am in desperate need of some money, so I will be posting adopts in between.
My motivation has been severely low because of a huge pit of depression that has hit me after my cat died...and now have the near death of a dog I've lived with since I was 15 looming over my head, and I don't grieve very well so things have just gotten terrible.
Brief mentioning of how I explain my mental health issues to offer a reason for my actions/inactions, not to give an excuse. I am going to be working really hard throughout now and April and hope to have most commissions finished by mid to late April.
I'll keep updated more often, much love to you all! I will be getting to notes shortly! 💙
(TLDR is at the end of the journal if you're not up to reading a novel!)
So, let me get to the important info first.
Commissions, and what I'm doing about it.
I owe several of you some art, which I promise is COMING!
This month is going to be dedicated to finishing commissions (as in march throughout april)- I'm making it a stern GOAL to have almost everyone's comms and customs done by Mid to Late April.
My motivation has sucked recently, as I'm sure you've realized. I have started working harder on commissions however, and am making fair progress! I'm planning to step things up in the next several days though so I can really work through this next month and hopefully get most of my queue cleared.
I'm doing several at once, as my mind tends to work best when I switch between things I've found. There are several that are close to completion; and unfortunately, others that have not had as much work done on them because when transferring some of my Queue over to a different document a bit late last year, in HOPES to actually make things more cohesive for me to work on...it seems there were 1 or 2 that got lost in transit, which I am truly sorry about to those of you this happened to- I promise I am doing my best to work on it now, and you should be seeing new WIPs soon!
I also really REALLY think I am going to go back to making a physical journal/planner queue in addition to - I feel like it helps me keep up a little better!! I'll be keeping an eye out for a new one.
That being said, I NEED money right now, so in between I will be making some adopts. Please don't fret, this is stuff being done in between working on commissions and other things- again, I tend to work in a bit of a scattered way with doing multiple things at once, so often while I'm working on your comms, I will also be working on some adopts.
I really hope y'all will like them! I've had some kind of stashed away that are almost or basically finished that I had been working on late last year and ended up abandoning due to lack of motivation.
TW: mentions of death
Now, WHY I've had such EXTRA low motivation the past couple months.
I feel like many of you have a general idea of what's going on, my mental health hasn't been at its best in quite a long time. I have spiraled into an even deeper depression after experiencing the death of my cat late December, and I am just...
Bad at grieving. It seems to never end. I think about her, her last moments, what she went through, how much I miss her....it haunts me and still will cry about it daily if I dare think about it. Hell, I haven't even been back to my own house in almost 3 months because I've been avoiding it because I know I'll think about how empty the room will feel without her there....but I am going back likely today or tonight, so. I do miss my house, my girlfriend's place is fine, especially since our friends live here as well. But both me and my partner miss my house lol....less issues there foundation wise.
And now, to top things off, our dog/my dad's dog is dying. He doesn't have a lot of time left it seems with the symptoms he's presenting...he is old, so it's not like it doesn't make sense. The vet said he doesn't need to be put down just yet if the medication they gave him helps control his seizures that he has been getting, which thankfully it has been. He has heart failure on top of all of that though, so there's probably extremely little time...another reason to get back to my house.
Even though he's not "my" dog, he has been in my life since I was 15 years old. He has always been a little sweetheart, an anxious timid boy with literal ocd, but we have always done our best to make sure he's comfortable and feels safe.
So yeah, that does hit quite a bit considering this is the second death of an animal around me in the past 3 months.....I just know when it actually happens it's going to compound everything. I really do dread it.
Other than that, mental health has been kinda the same crappy cycle with mood swings and horrible anxiety and whatnot.
I do want to make something clear though- I AM NOT TELLING YOU ABOUT MY MENTAL HEALTH AND LIFE ISSUES AS AN EXCUSE TO NOT GET THINGS DONE FASTER/COMMUNICATE BETTER/ETC.
I'm well aware that there are people who try to use mental health as a scapegoat to cheat their way out of something, but that is not the case here, nor is it the case with most people. I ACKNOWLEDGE that the information I'm giving you is a REASON, but not an EXCUSE. Giving someone a reason as to why something is happening isn't immediately someone's "get out of jail free card"- I know as good as anyone that mental health does not excuse your actions or absolve you of consequences.
I state this plainly because I've been noticing some rather ableist behavior from people on an off the site (mostly on other sites but thought I'd mention it here) demonizing others for mental health issues and life struggles who legitimately are just going through a rough time. You can hold someone accountable and still be a kind person.
Believe me, I've been hittin' myself constantly for not being more on top of things.
But I am really trying to do better and make some concrete goals for this coming month. Another goal of mine is to get in touch with a therapist- I've found an organization that connects you to potential therapists and I'm going to give that a try very soon.
BUT YES
TL;DR:
My top priority is working on commissions right now, and getting out some adopts because I am in desperate need of some money, so I will be posting adopts in between.
My motivation has been severely low because of a huge pit of depression that has hit me after my cat died...and now have the near death of a dog I've lived with since I was 15 looming over my head, and I don't grieve very well so things have just gotten terrible.
Brief mentioning of how I explain my mental health issues to offer a reason for my actions/inactions, not to give an excuse. I am going to be working really hard throughout now and April and hope to have most commissions finished by mid to late April.
I'll keep updated more often, much love to you all! I will be getting to notes shortly! 💙
No, the sun don't shine in the place i've been.... 
I've been a bit sick the past month, I'm unsure with what, but my body feels like it constantly needs rest! It's very annoying.
But yes I will have an update for you as well very soon! <3