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I don't know what to do
a year ago
Something I thought I buried years ago has just come back to haunt me, and I don't know what to do. I never want to burden those I love in the fandom so it might be best if I disappear for a bit. I want my friends to be happy, but I've learned that it is the case if Im not around.
I am so tired of being a burden or problem with those I love in this place, but the last time I faced this situation, I suffered a panic attack in 2022. I thought it was over, but it's come back once more. And, I don't want those I care about to be hurt because of me being weak.
They all deserve so much better than I can offer. This fandom is meant to be a community that encourages positivity and love, and I don't think I can offer that anymore. Not only have I wrestled the idea of leaving the fandom, but it would have been permanently.
I am doing everything I can to get the help I need, but whenever I see my friends in the fandom, I am reminded that they are better without me around. And maybe it's for the best that I disappear, because they don't deserve my issues, they deserve better.
I really loved my friends to pieces, I really really did. They mean everything to me. The love, the kindness, and support. It's meant the world. But they all deserve better than me, and that much is clear. I have no idea how my situation will go over the next coming days tbh.
But if things get worse, I don't think I could deal with bringing my friends into it, and that it's best to border up forever and fade. I just never thought I would have to deal with this again. It was meant to be over. Finished. Closed. But, I'm here again, and it hurts.
I just wish there wasn't a distance, I just wish I could hug my friends. It sounds stupid, but I wish I meant something. I wish I was worth remembering. I wish I mattered.
I am so tired of being a burden or problem with those I love in this place, but the last time I faced this situation, I suffered a panic attack in 2022. I thought it was over, but it's come back once more. And, I don't want those I care about to be hurt because of me being weak.
They all deserve so much better than I can offer. This fandom is meant to be a community that encourages positivity and love, and I don't think I can offer that anymore. Not only have I wrestled the idea of leaving the fandom, but it would have been permanently.
I am doing everything I can to get the help I need, but whenever I see my friends in the fandom, I am reminded that they are better without me around. And maybe it's for the best that I disappear, because they don't deserve my issues, they deserve better.
I really loved my friends to pieces, I really really did. They mean everything to me. The love, the kindness, and support. It's meant the world. But they all deserve better than me, and that much is clear. I have no idea how my situation will go over the next coming days tbh.
But if things get worse, I don't think I could deal with bringing my friends into it, and that it's best to border up forever and fade. I just never thought I would have to deal with this again. It was meant to be over. Finished. Closed. But, I'm here again, and it hurts.
I just wish there wasn't a distance, I just wish I could hug my friends. It sounds stupid, but I wish I meant something. I wish I was worth remembering. I wish I mattered.
Take the time you need to, but stay strong, my friend. ❤️
Except for the depression, and screw that guy.
Never give your disorder what it wants. You can improve your quality of life to an amazing degree if you just keep taking one tiny step at a time.
If you leave, everyone will be sad, and not all of them will move on. They'll miss you too much, even if your state of mind would say different. You'll always matter to us. Never give in to despair. Never forget that we will always be there for you. Always.
Get something good to eat and get some rest. You are valid, loved and wanted <3
Though I also understand how the throes of panic/depression can make stuff feel like one's own friends would be better off without... and resisting that can be such an augh battle
But with the other comments I've seen, you've got friends in your corner, who wish to join the fight, on the side of "you are awesome, and you brighten people's day by being around!" And I wish to pitch in on that too, you deserve as much!
Sometimes we feel surrounded and our anxiety gets the worst of us out. Do not give in or let that happen. Have always present that everything has a solution except death., sometimes we just need more patience and another viewpoint to fix those problems.
Please try to not stay alone for too long if you can avoid it and reach out to those you know are there for you. You matter , Luppy
Stay strong, it'll get better. *Gives you a big hug*
I hate depression, and as everyone else says a break to help things would do you good, we're all here for you