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Married at 16? (Not political, I promise!)
a year ago
“Things don't go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be.”
- Samuel Johnson
- Samuel Johnson
♡ ✐ ♡ ✎♡ ✐ ♡ ✎♡ ✐ ♡ ✎♡ ✐ ♡ ✎♡ ✐ ♡ ✎♡ ✐ ♡ ✎♡ ✐ ♡ ✎♡ ✐ ♡ ✎♡ ✐ ♡ ✎ ♡ So, as I am going over certain story ideas and floating random thoughts, I realized something about a few of my characters: a lot of them have partners that are older than them by a few years. Mostly, it's adults meeting other adults, getting married, etc. But, in one case, it's two characters that were friends since they were little. There's a 3 year age gap between them, so when he's 18, she'll only be 15 (granted, in my universe, you are not recognized as an adult until you are 20 and the minimum age for marriage is 17). So, this got me curious. In the context of the story, while they're children (under 12 or so), it's not really noticeable. But, as they grow older, it starts to be a little more obvious as the changes in their bodies become more apparent. I thought this would be a problem because in our society, this is considered a crime (for an 18 year old and a 15 year old to be romantically involved). So, I wondered, "Well, should they break up when he becomes an adult and just wait for her to catch up? That sounds like the logical thing to do, right?" ...until I remembered a little story called, "The Little Mermaid".
In the Little Mermaid, Ariel PROUDLY proclaims that she isn't a child, she's 16! Throughout the movie, she falls for a man (he was 18...and also my favorite Disney prince), he falls for her, they fight a monster, they win, and they get married all in the span of like...a week. So, Ariel is still clearly 16 at the start and conclusion of this story. Subsequently, shortly after their marriage, she has a baby. So, clearly this is acceptable to some extent in our society. Heck! My mother married my father when she was 16, so it was definitely acceptable at one time in this country, as well as other countries...if not EVERY other country. ...so, what to do in the case of fiction?
As I mentioned, there's a 3 year age gap between these particular characters. There are a few other characters with a wider age gap, but they are both adults when they enter the relationship. These are the only two character (off the top of my head) that have this division when they are romantically involved as young adults. They do have the advantage of being children for an additional 2 years over us, which means that when he is an adult (20), she will have just reached the age for marriage (17). Prior to that (when they're around 18 and 15), they do get a little angsty, as he wants to do certain things with her, but feels that she is too young, so he has to wait. It causes a bit of confusion and a few arguments until he just tells her what he wants...then she feels awkward. At 15, she knows about THOSE things and has even thought about what it would be like. But, now that she's actually faced with the prospect of him wanting to do those things, it's a little...unsettling. But, he does tell her that he will just wait until she is ready. They have all the time in the world, so there's no rush. He just needs to be patient and respectful of her and the fact that she is still younger than he is. They grew up together and as such, have been together nearly all of their lives. He cares more about her feelings than he does for his natural desires. So, nothing happens at that time and they do remain a couple. Of course, it really didn't help matters AT ALL that her father overheard their argument, but that's a whole 'nother story for a whole 'nother time. This could come to an end by simply having them marry as soon as they can, but I don't think that will happen. They would most likely marry when she becomes an adult 3 years after him.
Anyway, I'm babbling again. Sorry about that. But, I am curious about what you guys think of fictional characters marrying young. I'm also curious whether or not you or someone you know got married when they were young. Were they childhood sweethearts? Did they meet perchance? What's the story?
In the Little Mermaid, Ariel PROUDLY proclaims that she isn't a child, she's 16! Throughout the movie, she falls for a man (he was 18...and also my favorite Disney prince), he falls for her, they fight a monster, they win, and they get married all in the span of like...a week. So, Ariel is still clearly 16 at the start and conclusion of this story. Subsequently, shortly after their marriage, she has a baby. So, clearly this is acceptable to some extent in our society. Heck! My mother married my father when she was 16, so it was definitely acceptable at one time in this country, as well as other countries...if not EVERY other country. ...so, what to do in the case of fiction?
As I mentioned, there's a 3 year age gap between these particular characters. There are a few other characters with a wider age gap, but they are both adults when they enter the relationship. These are the only two character (off the top of my head) that have this division when they are romantically involved as young adults. They do have the advantage of being children for an additional 2 years over us, which means that when he is an adult (20), she will have just reached the age for marriage (17). Prior to that (when they're around 18 and 15), they do get a little angsty, as he wants to do certain things with her, but feels that she is too young, so he has to wait. It causes a bit of confusion and a few arguments until he just tells her what he wants...then she feels awkward. At 15, she knows about THOSE things and has even thought about what it would be like. But, now that she's actually faced with the prospect of him wanting to do those things, it's a little...unsettling. But, he does tell her that he will just wait until she is ready. They have all the time in the world, so there's no rush. He just needs to be patient and respectful of her and the fact that she is still younger than he is. They grew up together and as such, have been together nearly all of their lives. He cares more about her feelings than he does for his natural desires. So, nothing happens at that time and they do remain a couple. Of course, it really didn't help matters AT ALL that her father overheard their argument, but that's a whole 'nother story for a whole 'nother time. This could come to an end by simply having them marry as soon as they can, but I don't think that will happen. They would most likely marry when she becomes an adult 3 years after him.
Anyway, I'm babbling again. Sorry about that. But, I am curious about what you guys think of fictional characters marrying young. I'm also curious whether or not you or someone you know got married when they were young. Were they childhood sweethearts? Did they meet perchance? What's the story?
So the answer to your question is another question: "What is the average life expectancy for someone of their social status?" If they'll make it to 60 or 70, then there may be issues expected with characters marrying young, absent some pressure like going off to war or an imminent disaster.
He always said this was the woman he'd marry, and when they were both 17 he did, and they were happy for quite a long time, and when he passed on, she never remarried.
That's true, unquestionable love.
My maternal grandparents were married when my grandmother was 16 and my grandfather a little older than her, if I recall correctly. Granted, this was in 1933, and I think it was a bit more common then. But they did love each other, and they stayed together for something like 60 years, until my grandfather's passing, so I think it worked out all right for them. I do think that, in this day and age, it's better to wait until you're a little older and have finished your education and/or gotten a job. Marriage is just gonna be easier when you've established yourself a bit. But that's just from a practical standpoint.
In my universe, people typically live with their parents until they take a mate, so that’s a massive burden removed from their shoulders. They don’t have to head into the world until they are ready to build a family of their own, or unless they just want to head out on their own. Even after marriage, it is not at all uncommon to continue living with one’s parents, especially when the babies start coming. ^_^
Marriage before legal adulthood can make me a bit uncomfortable, depending on the dynamic. Too easy for it to be a predatory arrangement. If they're both closer in age, maybe, but it comes with its own set of worries. You're not always ready for it, and if you marry before you've got a bit more life experience, you might find yourself trapped in something you want to get out of, but can't.
That said, leaving it too late doesn't always work either.
Yeah, that’s why I wanted to see how people felt on the matter. Neither Jasmine nor Ariel being 16 year old brides has ever bothered me. Even Sailor Moon (who was 14 at the beginning of the series) really bothered me, but I think it’s because of the way they are drawn. I didn’t realize how young the character she was until my friend told me a while back. But, her love interest was like 19. It made me arch a brow, but, again, these girls are NOT drawn like 14/16 year olds, so it suspends the inappropriateness of the situation. But, in stories that involve true love, predatory behavior isn’t a factor, so that helps a whole lot, too.
Hard to imagine being a superhero/magical character at 14.
You may also consider mixing in the physical qualities of their Earth-inspired animals; felines for instance, as well as many other species, reach sexual maturity fairly early in their lifespan. Does something like that affect the species of your universe? My Mry, my feline taurs inhabiting the Nezinoma Salis island, are considered mentally and sexually mature around the age that would be equivalent to the Earth age of 12, and considered adult at the Earth age of 15, due to the life cycle of actual cats being a fairly large influence on how their species evolved.
With the relationship between the characters you mentioned, I would think approval for their marriage and subsequent physical relationship would mainly depend on the cultural view of your universe, or even just their country in case there are different cultures in different countries within your universe. Which in itself also can open the door for certain issues; would folk in a different country within your universe have different values and therefore be judgmental or approving? That may be something for, as you described it, 'nother story and 'nother time, but it might be worth looking into.
Personally, I don't have a problem with fictional characters marrying at a young age, especially not when they have a good dynamic together, or an established history with one another. And in general, a wise man once said, 'don't worry about what others think of your project, so long as you're happy with it, just do you'. (of course, in the case of a story that's meant to be published and sold to an audience, that does not fully apply). But when it makes sense in the flow of the story, the history and culture of the world and the dynamic of the characters, I would say go for it ecause it will work the best that way >^_^<
I was pretty comfortable with the setup between these two characters, because they were involved with each other ever since they were kids. He wasn’t some guy who passed by a park and was attracted to a 14 year old girl he saw on the playground. These two grew up together and the age difference doesn’t play a factor until puberty comes for one, but hasn’t quite reached the other. Before that, everything was fine. This situation isn’t enough to break them up, just to cause a bit of confusion and frustration. But, I really wanted to get multiple perspectives on this, because it is an incredibly delicate topic and one that is very important to me. I don’t even want to suggest any impropriety on my part regarding minors in romantic situations! This situation was a bit complex, but I was pretty sure that my setup was okay. Even so, I wanted to see what others’ experiences with the subject were. ^_^
Don't forget Romeo and Juliet were only abo8ut 14-15 each.
And to extra context with Jesus's parents; Joseph was closer to middle age and Mary was most likely closer to about 15-16ish
Ugh! Don’t get me started on Romeo and Juliet! I actually hate that story. Not because of the age thing, but because the ending was so incredibly ridiculous! It had a good start, but completely and utterly tripped before the finish line. *facepalm*
CSI: Verona -- what really happened to cause the death of the children of 2 of the most prodominent crime families.
CSI: Denmark -- solving what appears to be the execution style murders of the Royal Family.
I'm 28 years older than my girlfriend; yes, old enough to be her father. No biggie, she'll be 39 next month so it's not like I'm robbing the cradle. After ten years, this is by far the longest relationship in which either of has been involved.
Age may matter, but not always.
Taken literally, it's a recommendation to partner with someone either older or younger than you by four years -- or eight years. Not twelve, and certainly not six (as that's the opposed sign). Then compatibility returns at sixteen and twenty years...
Please note that age of majority, at least in America, is due to the idea of when someone might be spared from being needed for agricultural work. It has also altered as views on child labor, especially in industrial-era settings such as factories, became a matter of concern.
Bear in mind that prior to the late 1800s it was not considered unreasonable to marry in ones mid-teens, sometimes younger. Age differences were also less frowned upon. There's multiple reasons behind this but one of the major ones was a high infant mortality rate demanded that offspring be produces as early and as often as possible to increase the statistical rate of survival.
As time has progressed, most notably in the latter third of the 20th Century, society's views on the acceptability of relationships below the age of majority (distinct from biological age of maturity and age of mental maturity) changed, looking towards disapproval of such. Contributing to this was a better understanding and recognition of mental maturity and the protection of those lacking, plus a lower level (much lower in developed countries in said time frame) of infant mortality.
In the end, it'll be up to you based upon culture (including and especially the religious tenets followed), history, and speed of the various forms of maturity in the cultures in question (some cultures push mental maturity harder than others), as well as biology. While I personally would like to see examples (IN FICTION) of wildly varying ideas for this, the witch hunts sparked by even hinting towards it can, logically, make even the most stalwart shy away. (yes, I felt I needed, in the current social climate, to clarify my point above as being only relevant to fiction).
Fiction is different. Even in those hard and often grim times, you can weave a story given those exact circumstances and turn it into something lovely, romantic, and endearing. That’s what fiction is for, after all. It’s an escape from reality. We all need to make our way away from the state of things every now and again.