I was playing back the events of my mom's recent passing in my mind and came to the conclusion that it was better the end came sooner than later. She was suffering from dementia and progressively getting worse. She been bedridden for quite some time and I had to use a wheelchair whenever I needed to transport her. She started using walking canes many years ago due to her bad knee that she got a total joint replacement. Then starting to use the walkers for a few years before eventually not able to stand on her own much less walk around anymore.

I guess I was being a little selfish wanting her to stick around longer. She stopped eating by her self a month or two ago and I been feeding her by hand with sft foods like oatmeal, grits, soups, protein shakes, and the like. Sometime she didn't want to eat much so I held off on the rest of it until later. But it was getting harder as the days gone by. Even the protein shakes she drink much.

She been in and out of the hospital and I was going to take her to the emergency room in the car but decided to call he ambulance when her breathing worsened. I figured it was one of the many trips to the ER she been doing on and off for a while but it turned out to be the final time. I guess I kinda didn't want to believe this was it, just a short stay at the hospital and she'll be home again with an extra prescription or two like usual. But this wasn't going to be the case, so it hit me hard even though I knew the signs. I guess I refused to believe it would happen so soon despite I clearly should have done so. Her time was up and it was better to happen now than let her continue to suffer and decline even more. It is very hard to let go, you know. Do give you love ones a hug, might be the last chance you get.