I ended this journal with the expression of how afraid I am. Much of that journal was an exploration of fear and anxiety towards being a public figure in any capacity, even one as trivial as artist and entertainer.

I just want to say, now that I'm a thirds of the way into this year, and still going strong on pushing myself to be more social, express more gratitude, and share more joy.


I'm still terrified and afraid of people. But I think I've discovered, despite everything I've been, done, and said in my life....I think I've discovered I actually like people?

And I spend alot of time hurting my head over the idea: "I could've discovered this so long ago, and just been a better person, more of myself, this entire time?"

And no...I couldn't have. I needed years of experience managing relationships more seriously and putting more thought and care into how i engage with others and by paying so much more attention to just what people seem to want out of me and what I feel like I want to give to or share with them, or encourage.

I needed time with folks who I'd recognized helped to encourage and bring out things about myself that made me enjoy life, but that I was completely unpracticed in sharing with others. I needed time away from folks who I'd recognized had more intentions for my skills and abilities than they had thoughts and feelings for me as a person. I needed to talk with more people and actually learn more about how they see the world, and all the minutiae of interpersonal interactions.

People are genuinely inspiring, weird, and/or absurd joys worth being grateful for, even in all their ignorance, naivety, and stupidity. I think I like them, despite our innately flawed nature.