All year I've considered revealing to my audience and general public the deep history of my familial trauma. Particularly how it has inspired me down this path of kinky creativity, non-binary identity, asexuality, and plurality.

Maybe I'll do it on my birthday. I feel seen and understood by my friends, but...It'll take some time to write. I've been through alot.

There is a quality to me that repeatedly requests to be seen, for pain that I carry. Because this pain has always resonated with the confused, tumultuous relationship I have with kinks and sexuality. It has previously warped my perceptions and how I engaged with relationships which expressed along furry art and kinks. It certainly still impacts my perceptions and communication, and I struggle against the challenge with determination.

I want to share my pain, because I believe it's useful to others. I can only do this because my friends have helped me heal a tremendous deal against its everlasting sting. I'm beginning to feel ready to try and expand my love outward, and share the true depth of my pain. I believe Love is only deepened by accepted pain, processed willfully, and ideally within the support of friends.

All my life being a furry kink artist and doing little else much with my life for most of it. I've always felt like there's this deeply perverse expectation to be outwardly hiding one's troubles and struggles in favor of lubricating the moods of the present.

I think that's wrong, that it's poor behavior and that it's cowardly. It inspires the most pathetic kinds of growth in a person, in my personal and observed experiences.

I don't want to be a lubricated tool for someone's pleasure if my feelings and struggles aren't something I can discuss and have respected. Especially if my struggles are directly connected to rituals of life I partake in, like art, roleplay, and sharing online.

If I can't cry, and you can't even abide? Then there is no friendship. So why even try? Better to let the relationship die, if one can't grope for growth and hope.

So, I will grope for growth and hope, and reveal to those who choose to read it, the core experiences of my life that have affected the deepest inspirations of change and direction within me. Because that's my responsibility, if I choose to take it, in order to invite others into the opportunity to find greater understanding of me as an artist. Then it's on me to hope that they will respect me. That hope is always worth fighting for against mockery, misunderstanding, and further pain.


I am an Autistic Traumagenic Asexual Plural Schizotypal Enby Artist, and nearly all of my art is connected to expressing my pain and whimsy combined, because I'm that perverse, and I love it. Flattenings and toony concepts truly, truly mean quite everything to me, because they are the deepest, and most fun expressions I could find for my pain, combined with my love, to share.

So, maybe, November 12th, I'll tell a story of my life's pain, and how I came to toons as a response and choice. How I learned to see things, then chose to grow that perception.

I hope I can write it, it's been hanging in my head all year, and it would be a much healthier thing to do than committing a crime of vengeance on a family member, because my pain is that great. I would like to share it healthily, instead of take it out on someone. My friends have done all they could, and this is my next step for myself.

Thanks for reading.