I can relate. Mom who passed just prior to xmas last year really loved me, always thoughtful and even saw me as an awesome son. All the reverence, warmth and affection just gone that terrible morning I was unable to take her home from the hospital as intended.

Losing a loved one is a heartbreak. Losing the one constant presence in your life that validated and even cherished you, leaving you alone and no longer fulfilled, isn't so much a heartbreak as it's a cannonball through the chest.

Although she was a parent, the roles changed from her being guardian, dictator, to being the one I had to care for and look after and serve. So in a way, she became the child to me, and I became the wonderful rascal named in the eponymous song, Puff the Magic Dragon. And like the lyric goes, "A dragon lives for ever, but not so little boys," she became no more, and like happened with Puff, my fearless roar has ceased, my scales are falling off me like rain, and I'm withdrawing into my cave, isolating myself with grief and resigned to not feeling happy ever again.

I have one last attempt to socialize and engage with others, but pin no hopes upon it. I work through the grief with the Star Shepherd stories I write, especially later developments which concern metaphors of how an immortal being can withstand the loss of a mortal they came to love deeply.

We too will have our end, but I reckon you can agree with me this painful time spent after your dearest is gone does seem like we have an eternity of sorrow ahead of us.

I never realized how much pain is. Thank you for your kind words. I would like to talk to you if you ever get to telegram. My telegram name is.: dineegla

Well said...well said.

I hear you D... one day you're cracking jokes about the old people, and the next you are one. Even staying active with a younger group, you're still the old one - but then again, I guess that's just the way it is.

*hugs...

Vix

Sharis. I went to affirm meet in the town next to me. I got there, and everybody wanted to know about the early years, and how the art was so different. I felt like zero Mostel in the movie, Logan’s Run.-

*laughs... I remember that movie... oh yes - been there with my fencing, but as they say, if you didn't live it you won't understand it.

Vix

He was the old man that all the inhabitants in Logans run (who were young) were amazed by him. I feel the same way being a gray muzzle in fandom

I went to my first for me, which was in the suburb next to mine, so I could go. I put my wheelchair in the car. I went over there. They help me get the wheelchair out of the car and I went up there and I was introduced as the graymuzzle, whose husband was a gifted artist. Then they were shooting me questions about how is the fandom when it first started, do you fit in with the younger crowd?

I sort of fit in... mostly I just smile and watch.

Vix

You have my sympathies, Din. MW's passing is never going to be easy to deal with no matter how much time goes by, but all you can do is just keeping living day by day. I'm sure he'd want you to live as best as you can, however you can.

I know how you feel. I miss him and his artwork too. I still send you sympathies and he'll always be with you in your heart. Your beloved Musclewolf's work was fantastic. I still remember first them back in 2004 and since then. Also, I'm planning to an art work your husband sometime in the future as a tribute to him. Stay strong like the big strong moose that you created.

We all miss him and his art. We're here for ya moosie. If you need us. Just reach out to us on telegram or discord or other means. Hopefully you do get people visiting ya here and there when they can.

X2

HOLDS YOU TIGHT...really wish I could live closer to you...

My brother passed almost two years ago, so I know how you feel. Even worse, we had some unresolved issues before his passing, so there was a certain amount of guilt with the pain of losing him. However, he was always a happy person and definitely would not have wanted me to be upset, and he would have forgiven me for my transgressions. The pain is less now, thankfully, but I still think of him often.

It gets better Papa Moose. Hang in there.

I can't believe it has been two years. Grief can be incredibly overwhelming, especially on anniversaries and significant dates. Your mention of feeling invisible and like "no one cares for a gray muzzle" is heart-wrenching. Please know that your feelings and experiences matter. Don't forget that, even if it doesn't look like, we still think about you. BIG HUGS

I am sorry for your continued loss. It is true; most look at us with gray muzzles and ignore us. Yet, we are as much a part of the fandom and life as they are. I hope the memories of the great things your late mate did will remind you that you are not truly ever alone.

Don't be too hard on the puppy...I'm sure your stress is not hidden from them. Stay strong; life is more than just living from day to day. No matter how hard it is, remember you are not alone. There are other gray muzzles out there who have suffered loss. Hopefully, you can find a few who can at least share their time.

I lost my Mom a year ago next month. The pain of such loss never truly goes away. You just (slowly) get better at dealing with it.

I feel you with this, pal. Grief can be quite overwhelming when you miss a loved one, even more so when they share such wonderful moments with you. 😢😓
You're not on your own. Hang in there! 🤗💗👌🏽🐉

I'm here for you, my friend  Dineegla , we miss  MuscleWolf too and we want the best for you, in the good and in the bad.  MuscleWolf was gentle with us and make laugh a lot of his drawnings (remember that of "Avengers (2012)" ) and we noticed he gone, we cry a lot . Many hugs to you and if you want talk, I have Telegram to chat

Always thinkin of you hun. Your lab likely picked up on your stress. My own dogs get like that They pick up on their owners emotions. *hugs tight*

Corny as it sounds, it gets easier [My Dads been dead for 5 years and my Mum 3]

(hugs)

(from one old grey muzzle to another) *hugs*. For youth time heals the loss of things and people you hold dear. For those of us with less time to heal, it's just painful. Seek solace in family, friends, and pets (if you have them) for they will help fill the empty void... if with nothing else, companionship.

*Hug* Yes I miss him too and you know if I was anywhere near you I would always be checking up on you.

You're not invisible. Keep your head up, like others have said. It does get better, my adopted mother died from covid when it went through the nursing homes. Five years now, still think about her.

Lost my brother in 1980, Mom in 2003 and Dad in 2019. All of those can feel like just yesterday. I got old, my brother would be about 69 now if the damn leukemia hadn't got him., I'm damn near 60.

The first two years are the hardest. Not that the future will be easy, but if you can get through the first two years of grief and loss, you are going to survive this. In my experience, what happens now is that grief will come and go, like waves on the ocean. And, the more time passes, the farther apart those waves will come. You will always have grief, but this is a testimony to how much you loved Mark. Mark is now an integral part of your heart, soul, and mind. He is always with you. The main thing you need to do now is be kind to yourself and look for ways to enjoy your life until the day you two are reunited. Bear Hugs!

Hugs you tight. I'm not sure how to get back to private IMs on here. But I'll figure it out.

Nothing much I can say to help. Definitely a rough time to go through. Now I'm going to just make a suggestion and perhaps you know of these things already.

If you are looking for some un biased social furry interaction, perhaps you might want to look into VR worlds. Secondlife and VRChat are quite interesting. Not only is there something for everyone in those worlds, they can be as naughty or nice as you want. And you can find friends that sometimes can spill into real world relations. I would not be surprised if there are many people you already know out there. Further, many users that have disabilities enjoy getting their mobility back in VR. If you are interested in knowing more, just let me know. We can keep chatting here. I also have Discord too. You take care. Hugs you Moose.

It's hard to let things go. Losing the thing you admire the most... it burns DEEP within your soul.

It reminds me of the lyrics of a certain rock song:
Black hole sun, won't you come
and wash away the rain
Black hole sun, won't you come
won't you come

I'm hare for you Moosie, and I care about you. Please don't ever hesitate contacting me if you need me!