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where I went, ych's and leaving FA (please pay attention)
a year ago
General
Hello guys. This is an important post, I hope you read it. I'm sorry I disappeared so suddenly, I really haven't been on FA for a long time. I really apologize.
It so happened that for the last six months I didn’t really live my life and gave up personal interests, because I had to take responsibility for my grandmother, who was not able to walk independently, eat independently, or live independently. I hope no one has to experience something like this because it has a huge impact on your mental and physical health, especially if there is no one else to do it for you. At some point, your entire day consists of household tasks that you perform for two. It's hard to lift a person alone, but you have to lift him every day, turn him several times a day to help maintain basic hygiene, so my physical condition has deteriorated a lot recently due to back problems.
Fortunately for my grandmother and me (no matter how it sounds), all these difficulties lasted six months and I recently buried her. She has been waiting for this for a long time and was afraid that I would have to look after her for years, so I am glad that her suffering is finally over, although I do not let go of the feeling of anxiety due to the fact that I no longer have relatives left at 24 years old and this is a little...frightening. But mentally I am holding on and gradually trying to sort out all the mess that has been happening to me for the last year. To be honest, I’m tired of constantly living with the feeling of loss, since this is the third time I’ve been going through this, but I still try not to forget that I am a strong person and everything will work out one day. Now there is a lot of bureaucracy in my life, since there is no one else to deal with these issues except me. If I may say so, I've lost my footing a little...? Something like that...Previously, I always knew that I needed to do this and that, this is the kind of work they expect from me and I have such a plans. Now I’m a little confused, because I have to keep so much in my head that I don’t have any strength or memory left for creative issues, and whole layers of my life have somewhat faded in relation to one large load that I had to drag. Honestly, when you tell a person to lift his leg or open his mouth ten times in a row, and he is delusional, the last thing you think about is personal hobbies and a bunch of unsorted messages from people around, including close friends. All you think about is I want to at least sleep, I want to go home, I want to turn on some stupid movie and no one touches me for at least half an hour, but after a minute you hear some strange sound from the next room and get jump up because God forbid she fell.
Sorry, I really haven't even opened FA all this time, and I'm not asking for understanding, because something like this is hard to understand until you find yourself in that situation. I read and listened to many stories of people who cared for dying immobile relatives, and realized that, unfortunately, this was a unique experience that I would never wish on anyone. Because no matter how it sounds, it's fucking hell.
Therefore, I made the decision, due to everything that happened, as well as problems with money transfers, that I would reduce my activities in FA and focus on my portfolio. However, before I do it, I need to give away all the ych's that is expected of me and I am ashamed that I disappeared without a trace without warning. In the near future I will sort out my to-do and write to everyone who expects work from me. To somehow compensate for all this chaos, I would like to perhaps make at least small bonus sketches for those who are waiting for their commissions...sorry, that's all I can guarantee on my part besides an apology, because for the last three months I drew only two arts and now I’m not sure about the speed of my work...but I really miss drawing, oh my God.
In general...my grandmother and I had a very difficult relationship, but still I re-realized a lot after her death and... just take care of yourself and your loved ones, any negativity is nothing compared to the feeling that you will never speak to this person. After fulfilling all my debts to you, I most likely will not continue to draw on FA, or it will be very rare. It was a wonderful time and you are an incredible community, but I understand that I can’t do this anymore, i'm so sorry
It so happened that for the last six months I didn’t really live my life and gave up personal interests, because I had to take responsibility for my grandmother, who was not able to walk independently, eat independently, or live independently. I hope no one has to experience something like this because it has a huge impact on your mental and physical health, especially if there is no one else to do it for you. At some point, your entire day consists of household tasks that you perform for two. It's hard to lift a person alone, but you have to lift him every day, turn him several times a day to help maintain basic hygiene, so my physical condition has deteriorated a lot recently due to back problems.
Fortunately for my grandmother and me (no matter how it sounds), all these difficulties lasted six months and I recently buried her. She has been waiting for this for a long time and was afraid that I would have to look after her for years, so I am glad that her suffering is finally over, although I do not let go of the feeling of anxiety due to the fact that I no longer have relatives left at 24 years old and this is a little...frightening. But mentally I am holding on and gradually trying to sort out all the mess that has been happening to me for the last year. To be honest, I’m tired of constantly living with the feeling of loss, since this is the third time I’ve been going through this, but I still try not to forget that I am a strong person and everything will work out one day. Now there is a lot of bureaucracy in my life, since there is no one else to deal with these issues except me. If I may say so, I've lost my footing a little...? Something like that...Previously, I always knew that I needed to do this and that, this is the kind of work they expect from me and I have such a plans. Now I’m a little confused, because I have to keep so much in my head that I don’t have any strength or memory left for creative issues, and whole layers of my life have somewhat faded in relation to one large load that I had to drag. Honestly, when you tell a person to lift his leg or open his mouth ten times in a row, and he is delusional, the last thing you think about is personal hobbies and a bunch of unsorted messages from people around, including close friends. All you think about is I want to at least sleep, I want to go home, I want to turn on some stupid movie and no one touches me for at least half an hour, but after a minute you hear some strange sound from the next room and get jump up because God forbid she fell.
Sorry, I really haven't even opened FA all this time, and I'm not asking for understanding, because something like this is hard to understand until you find yourself in that situation. I read and listened to many stories of people who cared for dying immobile relatives, and realized that, unfortunately, this was a unique experience that I would never wish on anyone. Because no matter how it sounds, it's fucking hell.
Therefore, I made the decision, due to everything that happened, as well as problems with money transfers, that I would reduce my activities in FA and focus on my portfolio. However, before I do it, I need to give away all the ych's that is expected of me and I am ashamed that I disappeared without a trace without warning. In the near future I will sort out my to-do and write to everyone who expects work from me. To somehow compensate for all this chaos, I would like to perhaps make at least small bonus sketches for those who are waiting for their commissions...sorry, that's all I can guarantee on my part besides an apology, because for the last three months I drew only two arts and now I’m not sure about the speed of my work...but I really miss drawing, oh my God.
In general...my grandmother and I had a very difficult relationship, but still I re-realized a lot after her death and... just take care of yourself and your loved ones, any negativity is nothing compared to the feeling that you will never speak to this person. After fulfilling all my debts to you, I most likely will not continue to draw on FA, or it will be very rare. It was a wonderful time and you are an incredible community, but I understand that I can’t do this anymore, i'm so sorry
I have been through what you have. You are right; it is a heavy burden. However, I hope you do not give up your art. It is not a part of you; it is you. Your creativity helps define your life. It may be hard right now, but I ask that you do not lose this part of you for your sake.
Find yourself again. Take your time. People care, no matter the nation they are from. And those of us who have had to watch and care for a loved one fade from this life...we understand the nature of your pain. You are not alone in this journey. Don't forget this...no matter where you take your life...because...you are strong and cared for.
I wish you best of luck going forward. With your talent, you're gonna go on to do awesome things.