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Mister Dooley on Politics
a year ago
General
Th’ Modhren idee iv governmint is ’Snub th’ people, buy th’ people, jaw th’ people.’
An autocrat’s a ruler that does what th’ people wants an’ takes th’ blame f’r it. A consititootional ixicutive, Hinnissy, is a ruler that does as he dam pleases an’ blames th’ people.
The Vice Presidency-
Ye can’t be sint to jail f’r it, but it’s a kind iv a disgrace...It is princip’lly because iv th’ vice-prisidint that most iv our prisidints have enjoyed such rugged health. Th’ vice-prisidint guards th’ prisidint, an’ th’ prisidint, afther sizin’ up th’ vice-prisidint, con-cludes that it wud be betther f’r th’ counthry if he shud live awhile.
On Immigration-
“Well,” said Mister Hennessy, “divvle th’ bit I care, on’y I’m here first, and I ought to have th’ right to keep th’ bus fr’m bein’ overcrowded.”
“Well,”said Mister Dooley, “as a pilgrim father on me gran’ nephew’s side, I don’t know but ye’re right. An’ they’se wan sure way to keep thim out.”
“What’s that?” asked Mister Hennessy.
“Teach thim all about our instichoochions befure they come,” said Mister Dooley.
On Progress-
I’ve been up to th’ top iv th’ very highest buildin’ in town, Hinnissy, an’ I wasn’t anny nearer Hivin thin if I was in th’ sthreet. Th’ stars was as far way as iver. An’ down beneath is a lot iv us runnin’ an’ lapin’ an’ jumpin’ about, pushin’ each other over, haulin’ little strips iv ir’n to pile up in little buildin’s that ar-re called sky-scrapers but not be th’ sky; wurkin’ night an’ day to make a masheen that’ll carry us fr’m wan jack-rabbit colony to another an’ yellin’, ‘Pro-gress!’ Pro-gress, oho! I can see th’ stars winkin’ at each other an’ sayin’, “Ain’t they funny! Don’t they think they’re playin’ hell!”
A man that’d expict to thrain lobsters to fly in a year is called a loonytic; but th’ man that thinks men can be tur-runed into angels by an iliction is called a rayformer an’ remains at large.
Democrats and Republicans-
Th’ Dimmycrats ar-re r-right. They’re always r-right. ’Tis their position. Th’ Dimmycrats ar-re r-right an’ th’ Raypublicans has th’ jobs. It all comes up because our vinerated party, Hinnissy, ain’t quick at th’ count. Man an’ boy I’ve taken an intherest in politics all me life, an’ i find th’ only way to win an iliction is to begin f’r to count th’ minyit ye’ve completed th’ preliminries iv closin’ th’polls an’ killin’ th’ other judges an’ clerks.
Whiniver a Dimmycrat has to go to court to win an iliction I get suspicious.
Th’ trouble with most iv us, Hinnissy, is we swallow pollytical idees befure they’re ripe an’ they don’t agree with us.
-Commentary by Martin Dooley, an Irish-American saloon keeper in Chicago’s Fourth Ward, as related by Finley Peter Dunne.
An autocrat’s a ruler that does what th’ people wants an’ takes th’ blame f’r it. A consititootional ixicutive, Hinnissy, is a ruler that does as he dam pleases an’ blames th’ people.
The Vice Presidency-
Ye can’t be sint to jail f’r it, but it’s a kind iv a disgrace...It is princip’lly because iv th’ vice-prisidint that most iv our prisidints have enjoyed such rugged health. Th’ vice-prisidint guards th’ prisidint, an’ th’ prisidint, afther sizin’ up th’ vice-prisidint, con-cludes that it wud be betther f’r th’ counthry if he shud live awhile.
On Immigration-
“Well,” said Mister Hennessy, “divvle th’ bit I care, on’y I’m here first, and I ought to have th’ right to keep th’ bus fr’m bein’ overcrowded.”
“Well,”said Mister Dooley, “as a pilgrim father on me gran’ nephew’s side, I don’t know but ye’re right. An’ they’se wan sure way to keep thim out.”
“What’s that?” asked Mister Hennessy.
“Teach thim all about our instichoochions befure they come,” said Mister Dooley.
On Progress-
I’ve been up to th’ top iv th’ very highest buildin’ in town, Hinnissy, an’ I wasn’t anny nearer Hivin thin if I was in th’ sthreet. Th’ stars was as far way as iver. An’ down beneath is a lot iv us runnin’ an’ lapin’ an’ jumpin’ about, pushin’ each other over, haulin’ little strips iv ir’n to pile up in little buildin’s that ar-re called sky-scrapers but not be th’ sky; wurkin’ night an’ day to make a masheen that’ll carry us fr’m wan jack-rabbit colony to another an’ yellin’, ‘Pro-gress!’ Pro-gress, oho! I can see th’ stars winkin’ at each other an’ sayin’, “Ain’t they funny! Don’t they think they’re playin’ hell!”
A man that’d expict to thrain lobsters to fly in a year is called a loonytic; but th’ man that thinks men can be tur-runed into angels by an iliction is called a rayformer an’ remains at large.
Democrats and Republicans-
Th’ Dimmycrats ar-re r-right. They’re always r-right. ’Tis their position. Th’ Dimmycrats ar-re r-right an’ th’ Raypublicans has th’ jobs. It all comes up because our vinerated party, Hinnissy, ain’t quick at th’ count. Man an’ boy I’ve taken an intherest in politics all me life, an’ i find th’ only way to win an iliction is to begin f’r to count th’ minyit ye’ve completed th’ preliminries iv closin’ th’polls an’ killin’ th’ other judges an’ clerks.
Whiniver a Dimmycrat has to go to court to win an iliction I get suspicious.
Th’ trouble with most iv us, Hinnissy, is we swallow pollytical idees befure they’re ripe an’ they don’t agree with us.
-Commentary by Martin Dooley, an Irish-American saloon keeper in Chicago’s Fourth Ward, as related by Finley Peter Dunne.
While I find myself amused by the transliteration of Irish American language of the time here, without the context of knowing who "Hennessy" is or exactly when this happened, I can make no real evaluation of what Dooley says. Perhaps that's not the point.
Perfesser-Bear
~perfesser-bear
Heh! My grandfather started working as a barkeeper in early 1934, when my Dad was 8. Of Scots-English extraction, he lived in Akron, Ohio and I don't know that his opinions would have been much different from Mister Dooley's. For my part, a bit of Mr. Dooley's talk make some sense.
Saara
∞saara
Sounds like another drunken Irishman I've heard of... one "Crazy" Guggenheim. Good voice, though.
