I have a lot of ideas I want to make but... Everything I make feels hollow. The constant realization that something's missing from my life simply makes me need him that much more. I can't function without him. And I don't want to. I shouldn't have to...

I just don't understand what I'm supposed to do about living without him. I don't have anything really. Just his TV and video games. And my PC I got with most of the settlement money I got a few months back. But that hearing isn't over yet.

I have nothing. And the one thing I truly need ...is dead. The lesser things I need... I have no income. I can't get an income because I'm mentally ill. Hopefully October will be favorable.

I can't see the future yet. I have help... I have allies. But I am weak. And tired. And I don't want to fight anymore. I want to just take care of his cats and rest.