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Practicing Replying Again
a year ago
Hey there family!
Little life update: I'm going to be answering some old messages and comments to get back into the swing of posting online. If I reply to you for something from some few years ago, you don't need to respond. This is an exercise in trying to be an active member of my favorite community.
I'm so glad FA is back up. I was genuinely worried there for a moment that this last vestige of community on the internet was gonna come crumbling down. It also felt gut wrenching to think some asshat could just come in and swipe it and break it the second something went wrong. And seeing people capitalize at a time of grief and misfortune had me just drained of all life. But it's heartening to see that FA fought back and we're still here.
I've been quite scared of engaging with social media at all lately and i know I'm not alone. There's a steady stream of content on just that topic. It keeps feeling like every big site is a sinking ship made of rampant enshittification. *sigh* Makes it very hard to put down roots anywhere, or raise my voice in any significant way. So what I've been asking for help in a bunch of little ways. Getting help with my projects schedule, getting help managing organizing all my social media tabs getting help with... replying to comments and DMs.
Please feel free to just ignore me while I'm going to review some old comments and messages that I never did get back to and just respond at my own pace. As I go through I'll add some FAQ's in this journal here.
Thank you for your patience!
FAQs:
Puppy Love
Galleon
Little life update: I'm going to be answering some old messages and comments to get back into the swing of posting online. If I reply to you for something from some few years ago, you don't need to respond. This is an exercise in trying to be an active member of my favorite community.
I'm so glad FA is back up. I was genuinely worried there for a moment that this last vestige of community on the internet was gonna come crumbling down. It also felt gut wrenching to think some asshat could just come in and swipe it and break it the second something went wrong. And seeing people capitalize at a time of grief and misfortune had me just drained of all life. But it's heartening to see that FA fought back and we're still here.
I've been quite scared of engaging with social media at all lately and i know I'm not alone. There's a steady stream of content on just that topic. It keeps feeling like every big site is a sinking ship made of rampant enshittification. *sigh* Makes it very hard to put down roots anywhere, or raise my voice in any significant way. So what I've been asking for help in a bunch of little ways. Getting help with my projects schedule, getting help managing organizing all my social media tabs getting help with... replying to comments and DMs.
Please feel free to just ignore me while I'm going to review some old comments and messages that I never did get back to and just respond at my own pace. As I go through I'll add some FAQ's in this journal here.
Thank you for your patience!
FAQs:
Puppy Love
Galleon
I've had to face being envied and bullied, and I'm hesitant to even talk about it because I know it will only generate more of the same. I'm trying to learn how to ask for help and operate through it, but it's so difficult. Like, I don't see myself as someone who has anything to steal from in the first place, so I find envy really dissorienting.
I'm glad it worked for you while it did though. There is absolutely nothing like the euphoria of putting in hard work and seeing it blossom into more than the sum of its parts! Plus having that passion project to get you out of bed is so good.
How did they manage to bring your website down if you dont mind me asking?
The ironic part of everything, I almost made it through everything. I collected evidences, knew the persons real identity and had snapshoots of them trying to hack my site. I also found out that through all of their action, they lost their friends and believability on the internet. It literally cost them everything trying to bring me down.
However, it wasn't the instigator and what they did what broke my site, but how the police in my country did nothing in the end and even managed to helped the instigator by accident. It was in a time where cybercrimes were pretty new and the police wasn't equipped to handle it. But the inaction and warning to the instigator was what was so damaging. They really managed to give the instigator a free pass to continue hacking my site and damaging my reputation. And so I simply stopped my site.
I just simply couldn't allow those who wanted to have a nice time on my site to get targeted by the instigator.
However, even if this sounded now discouraging. Let me tell you that this happened during a time where cybercrimes were something new and the police were unprepared or equipped to deal with those kind of things. Nowadays what happend to me wouldn't happen again.
And I understand what you mean about the police ultimately confusing the situation. In my case, it was less the people stirring up shit and more the how the people around me handled it. I cant even say I've never messed this up personally so I get it, whether they were trying to help or not. I hope that moving into the future people develop better tools for handling these high conflict situations. Mediation is really hard, but it's slowly becoming the most important skill.
If your website brought you joy, I'd love to hear that you managed to put it back together one day. Maybe try a relaunch with some sturdy safeguards in place? IDK, I just love seeing people follow their passions, and I'm trying to apply that to myself.
Glad to hear you're working your way back towards peace of mind again
I am, but it's a journey, and one I don't seem to be making the kind of progress I would have wanted to have made on it. I thought I'd be doing more and better at this point, but I guess that's how a lot of people feel. Circa 2020 it feels like all we have left is to try our best, but it sure is exhausting. I'm just trying to integrate the best forms of social media into my routine so I don't have to sacrifice things like exercise just to post. Plus I miss my friends.
Thanks for the kind words, keep your chin up *hugs*
Hang in there!
It's artists like you who've managed to keep posting lovely art this whole time that keep me wanting to come back to FA
Keep up the great work and I'll keep coming back
I had a look a look at your page, it sounds like you were working on vtuber stuff? That sounds great, I've been meaning to make something like that for myself. It would be cool to chat about it with someone who's got a sense of it.
And yeah I made several Live2D models, and I would like to see a Nai vtuber model as well! And sure I would totally love to talk to you about it as well!
...nice to see you again. :)
Missed ya, ya big blueberry muffin you. 😎
*mindbending hugs for eldritch besties*
*Points to head for good-girl pats*
REPLY TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Ya that whole siutation woth FA was crazy. Im glad so many were able too respond in time to alert everyone and fight back wt the asshat who attacked. They are facing some serious backlash for their lame antics.
Good to see you braving socializing yet again. <3.
Hope youre doing alright Miss you
*hugs*
It's always fun to hear from you <3. It still feels so weird to be socializing with artist whom i would stalk online in my teen years. Then meet them in person and pretend to be cool.
you should give it a try sometime, doing the alleys and selling ur stuff. You'd be a hit. Charms, standees, stickers especially with Nai will attract folks.
Thank you for being a good friend <3. Honestly, it feels so weird now seeing my work advance. OAO. it feels so sureal.
Hobby-based friendships like this one are the most rewarding things ever.
I'm totally gonna try and do that this year at MFF. Gonna try a soft launch of a couple of new products. I don't wanna go too overboard because I haven't exhibited in ages and it'll be my first MFF. If you're going, let me know so I can keep an eye out
That's great have fun with your new products at the con. I wish I could go to MFF this year TwT sadly I'm all con'd out for now, especially with owed take hom commissions. I did get some good ones though, can't wait to share those. MFF is on my MUST ATTEND list for conventions, which I may do for next year. So many cons so little time TwT
Yeah, I was in the same mind set as you
"Life to short not to" & watching everyone else go the distance.
Breaking out of my comfort zone and treating it as part of my everyday life was the hardest part, until it became natural. I still feel like i've a ways to go with new merch, making comics and designing my own ocs TwT.
You got the talent and the passion, so I know you can do it too. <3 <3 <3
The locker to booli
Yeah, I'm in danger of dropping out of the art world. It's taking me longer and longer to finish a pic as well as even drawing anything compelling. I don't do dramatic poses for worry about it looking bad.
Still, wanna go full 3D but modeling a character, let alone, the clothing (I know none of my characters ever wear them). The problem with 3D is that I got almost 400 characters to model....
It is good to see that you haven't fully disappeared.
I've been struggling to engage with anything online, that's kind of what this journal is about. If you do a few body types, you can recycle 3D model in a way that's harder to do with 2D. Also, you do hard fetish work, which tends to either get a lot of attention or none at all.
Either way, I'm happy to see you're still active, even if it's sporadic. Your works are absolutely radical and liberating.
I did plan on making a basic male and female form but never got very far. The job had suddenly went to 60-hr weeks that lasted nearly two years. I started learning to model back in October of 2016 and stopped in December of that year. I haven;t tried making a model in over 8 years.
Im having a hard time getting back into 3D. I've been dying to see my characters in the fur but getting there isn't easy. Now the job is running 28-hour weeks but I'm doing twice the work and are now too tired. I doze off doing simple art. Using 3D for backgrounds has been beneficial. I can modify them and use different angles. Now I just gotta do characters in 3D. I want everything 3D.
I do have a variety of fans though most aren't around anymore. I like variety and would get bored doing just one thing. There are some extremes that I won't do like vore/gore and vomit sex. If I do vomit it's just a character being sick.
The activity is in danger of ending. It's getting harder and harder to get anything done. I'm almost ready to hang up the pen not just because I don't have any comments anymore but just being physically tired everyday.
My works are nothing compared to. the fine anime-style you do.
But it sounds like you really *want* to 3D model, and I implore you to follow your passions. I think that's the only thing that matters in this world.
I do wanna do 3D. When I look at
Problem is some have unique featured that would be difficult for me to think how to model. Like Debrah Orkreditt (her cyborg form), https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36116122/ and her original human body, https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37339070/. The body paneling and the mechanical part under that paneling would be a challenge. Then there's the genitals. Okay the penis probably would be relatively easy to model but then there's the vagina and anus. There's not many tutorials on Youtube for that.
A few years ago I was gung-ho on learning it but after repeated interruptions, I kinda dropped out of it. Plus, I got 400 characters to model. Granted, a bunch are of the same species but still, there's like hairstyles and such.
I did make a gallery of 3D works from experiments to attempts at character creation, https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery.....445/3D-objects
I hope you get time to see what I have done lately.
Personally I'm trying to relax and just let art happen or not happen, and let fame happen or not happen at its own pace. Looking through some of your more recent works I love the borg cube and gold twist. Really neat! Your work is strange and esoteric, finding people who that it isn’t always easy. That said, I see more plus-size girls in your gallery and that's really cool. We both love body diversity and it's cool to see you branching out into more body types.
There seems to be a lot of narrative in your work. Have you written down the stories that your OCs are involved in? You can make a lot more progress in writing than you do drawing pictures one by one. Easier than comics and you’ve done a couple of those. Anyway I love what you've done with the 3D work so far. It looks really fun.
A couple journals back where I was struggling, another furry knocked me off my feet when they asked me "When was the last time you remember feeling happy?" It threw me for a loop and put a lot of things into perspective for me, and I'd like to extend that wisdom to you. When was the last time making art made you happy? Maybe try and bring more aspects of that into your present!
The Borg cube was actually supposed to be a sci box according to the tutorial I watched. When I saw how it was done, well, I went a different way and made the Borg ship. Some days later I tried to replicate making it but absolutely failed. 3D takes a lot to learn and at almost 50 years old and a physically demanding job makes it hard to learn. Sometimes when I try and something in 3D, I almost get hit with PTSD. I then just shut down the program. Since 2016, everything I tried to learn to model a character I'd end up doing 60-hour work works for two years non-stop. Things calmed down for a bit and when the pandemic hit, it was back to the 60-hour work weeks (six 10-hour days) and guess what happened? I tried to learn 3D at that time. Since then, I kinda decided to just about give up on 3D and even art in general. I can't even draw for more than a half and hour before I look at the bed and wanna nap.
As for the narrative, I'm kind of like Bob Ross. While doing the coloring I start thinking of the story. What I do write isn't exactly what I thought of but close. The little 3D experiments are basically just that, experiments to see if I can figure out what does what. Doing a character is going to be hard. Simple humans might be easier but ones with special bits will be a challenge. Maggie Ma, https://www.furaffinity.net/view/44339904/, is one I'd love to see done. I'd even have the magma do a slight animation of flow.
Art used to make me happy like 8 years ago. Then the nearly 8 years of working non-stop over time (50-60 hours a week) kind of killed everything. In the last few years, I've all but given up on art altogether. You can see that the characters aren't well drawn, for the most part, even though the special effects have improved.
The desire to go full 3D has been growing again but I'm afraid that as soon as I do, I'll never be home again like before. I decided to retire the 2013 Mac Pro as she can't hand;e TwinMotion, a 3D realtime renderer app. I am using, now, my M1 MacBook Pro and the thing may be nearly four years old now but it can really do a number with 3D. Someday, I want to get a nicely M4 Mac Studio which will really be able to handle the stuff I wanna do. Sadly, I'm getting more and more in debt as now Im only working 28 hours a week. I'll be hitting up my retirement fund for at least $20,000 to pay off some debt. Then I can get a new system for my 50th birthday.
Then again, I wonder why I wanna get a new computer. I'm slowing down in art, might quit it altogether, and no one seems to care about my stuff anymore. I understand that some get married, have other obligations and what not. Some artists that have been here longer still get comments and such but my art has been like a desert of faves and comments.
I sometimes wondered if I deleted everything or never posted again, would any one even notice?
I did that, I quit. Stopped posting, stopped replying, and not just online I told my closest friends to consider me dead to the world. I peeled everything right back to nothing. Only when I'd torn away from everything did I start building my life back up, focusing only on my own health and my needs as an animal.
I decided to focus on health and slowly rediscover and reconnect with the things that made me happy. I'm not gonna lie. Finding support in the beginning was nightmarish and took years to sort out. Getting back on my feet, again, years of hard work. When you find out how alone you are, it can break you. There are people i thought loved me who were fair weather at best. But if you accept it, resolve it, regardless of what it takes, what you'll find is that there is more out there for you as long as you don't settle into less.
I do think it's worth assessing if that's right to you. It sounds like you're overworked and underpaid and stressed the fuck out. I think everyone understands that.
Even now, I'm hesitant to get back into art in an online space for exactly those reasons. Only now am I dipping my toes back into social media posting, with a lot more help than I had before. Most of all i know i have my own back and my priorities straight. I would like that for all my friends.
If you look at a lot of my pics from the last couple of years, most are of just people standing and no fancy poses. Even the bad anatomy gets even badder. You can tell when I'm tired from how bad the characters are drawn.
I've tried to stop for at least a month every year in September but lately I go on an art spree. It probably doesn't help that comments from frequent fans have dried up worse than a California drought or even the number of faves. Feels like nobody likes my art anymore.
Maybe if I can go full 3D I can reignite interest. Of course, I have to make sure my 3D models are above what I want to make. I don't want my 3D characters to look crappy or like 3D models from the early days of 3D.
I'd quit art if I could but I loved it too much. It's mostly because of work fatigue is why I've thought about stopping. Some people have said that maybe I outgrew it. Nope. Just don't have the strength or energy keep up.