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boring stuff, har har har
a year ago
heya, this aint nothing important, just lil explanation/rant of sorts.
I used to draw and post on different acc, i stopped drawing for like 5 months cuz burnout, then i made this account as experiment with drawing controversial ideas to see if people going to post like hate comments or stuff. In the end i couldn't even get my ass to post the ideas in the end.
Im really really scared of ppl judging me or abandoning me, to the point where although i do want to post stuff i draw, im scared of posting controversial or weird ideas i cook up because i dont want the people who watch me to be dissapointed in me , so i dont even draw em (thats why i really look up to ppl like goonie-san, he draws controversial/unhinged and he doesn't care, not to mention that he has the best artstyle ever) , and then its just loop of me drawing same thing over and over, and its taxing. i may have been posting for like last year and a bit but ive been in like half a burnout mode. I used to draw because it was only thing i was good at compared to others and i was drawing with the goal that maybe when i reach like 18-19 i would draw at least to some extent as good as my favourite artists( ive been drawing for that goal since like 7 years ago). so when i reached the age and wasn't even close to them, i lost joy from drawing and just been drawing because its only thing i was even remotely good at. Even when drawing, i didnt use many references for poses because i cant look on pinterest for nsfw references like "feral spreading his sweaty cheeks real life photo" as normal sfw artists do and taking poses from other artists felt like staling, so most of poses i did were plain and boring. and i also didn't even improve much because of it.
Recently ive made some friends that really help me with this fear of judgement and all the crap. im really really grateful to them to the point of crying from joy.
(also i never made acc on twitter even tho i wanted to post there because i thought that community there is even more toxic, but im thinking of at least giving it a try, seeing all the artist i look up to being there makes me want to give it a try at least.)
(also i dont think anyone cares but just wanted to say, i have started working out not because of body and stuff but because it makes me way less stressed and sad for entire day and also makes me energized and can get stuff (drawing for longer time) done way easier without procrastination and stuff, i really recommend it )
why am i saying all this bs?
Cuz i dont want to deal with this crap anymore. Ima draw things i wna draw for myself (this doesn't mean i dont care about ppl who take the time to look at my drawings, i love yall and im crazy gratefull for all the support, and i will still do my best to draw and post even more and grow this acc ), i just want to enjoy drawing once more as i used to in past.
so ima treat this account the way I intended to when creating this, ima use it as sketchbook for stuff i draw, i will draw some weird/for some disgusting shit, sometimes maybe some very boring fanart from games, also i will heavily reference poses from time to time because its most efficient way to learn stuff, i will also try types of artstyles from artists i look up to, so that i can improve, because for past 2 years i almost haven't improved
also i just wanted to say that chatting with ppl and making commissions makes me really happy but at same time it puts pressure on me and i get paranoid about the ppl commissioning me being disappointed with the drawings and it makes me focus on all the mistakes and i spend way too much time on it and also it makes me disgusted with the drawing i make because i feel like its not good enough. So ima take break from commissions until i manage to deal with this mental block
I used to draw and post on different acc, i stopped drawing for like 5 months cuz burnout, then i made this account as experiment with drawing controversial ideas to see if people going to post like hate comments or stuff. In the end i couldn't even get my ass to post the ideas in the end.
Im really really scared of ppl judging me or abandoning me, to the point where although i do want to post stuff i draw, im scared of posting controversial or weird ideas i cook up because i dont want the people who watch me to be dissapointed in me , so i dont even draw em (thats why i really look up to ppl like goonie-san, he draws controversial/unhinged and he doesn't care, not to mention that he has the best artstyle ever) , and then its just loop of me drawing same thing over and over, and its taxing. i may have been posting for like last year and a bit but ive been in like half a burnout mode. I used to draw because it was only thing i was good at compared to others and i was drawing with the goal that maybe when i reach like 18-19 i would draw at least to some extent as good as my favourite artists( ive been drawing for that goal since like 7 years ago). so when i reached the age and wasn't even close to them, i lost joy from drawing and just been drawing because its only thing i was even remotely good at. Even when drawing, i didnt use many references for poses because i cant look on pinterest for nsfw references like "feral spreading his sweaty cheeks real life photo" as normal sfw artists do and taking poses from other artists felt like staling, so most of poses i did were plain and boring. and i also didn't even improve much because of it.
Recently ive made some friends that really help me with this fear of judgement and all the crap. im really really grateful to them to the point of crying from joy.
(also i never made acc on twitter even tho i wanted to post there because i thought that community there is even more toxic, but im thinking of at least giving it a try, seeing all the artist i look up to being there makes me want to give it a try at least.)
(also i dont think anyone cares but just wanted to say, i have started working out not because of body and stuff but because it makes me way less stressed and sad for entire day and also makes me energized and can get stuff (drawing for longer time) done way easier without procrastination and stuff, i really recommend it )
why am i saying all this bs?
Cuz i dont want to deal with this crap anymore. Ima draw things i wna draw for myself (this doesn't mean i dont care about ppl who take the time to look at my drawings, i love yall and im crazy gratefull for all the support, and i will still do my best to draw and post even more and grow this acc ), i just want to enjoy drawing once more as i used to in past.
so ima treat this account the way I intended to when creating this, ima use it as sketchbook for stuff i draw, i will draw some weird/for some disgusting shit, sometimes maybe some very boring fanart from games, also i will heavily reference poses from time to time because its most efficient way to learn stuff, i will also try types of artstyles from artists i look up to, so that i can improve, because for past 2 years i almost haven't improved
also i just wanted to say that chatting with ppl and making commissions makes me really happy but at same time it puts pressure on me and i get paranoid about the ppl commissioning me being disappointed with the drawings and it makes me focus on all the mistakes and i spend way too much time on it and also it makes me disgusted with the drawing i make because i feel like its not good enough. So ima take break from commissions until i manage to deal with this mental block
whoretaker
~whoretaker
Your art is great! Draw what you're inspired to and we're behind you all the way. <3 Life, health and inspiration always take priority, go with whatever works best for you! :)
freakyfel
~freakyfel
OP
❤️
