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THIS IS THE LAST WARNING😡, i want to be called a good boy
a month ago
THIS JOURNAL IS NOTHING IMPORTANT, im just coping about life here
The first month, I was purely practicing, a lot, a lot, a lot, as much as I could. I also lost 10 kg and have been as productive as possible with all the tricks and stuff you hear about in books and YouTube videos. I didn't even use the internet or do other activities for the first two weeks in hopes of not being distracted. It is a horrible way to live; I had some crash-outs and such, but I've improved quite a bit, at least in the theoretical department. I've read many pages of different art books and tried different styles, pens, and such.
The second month, sadly, my little sunshine in life, my pookie dog, died. That, happening after I was already mentally unstable due to pure productivity and no "slop activities," made me go into a spiral. I had unhealthy eating habits, slept a lot, and only played League. I also had a mental block in art because I realized I had sort of lost my goals, and I didn't draw anything.
One thing I'd like to mention is that due to me repeating the same routine every day at every time and trying to make every activity as fast as I could so I could do more, without talking to my friends online or playing games, I felt very boring. It was like nothing in life was fun; everything was boring, and nothing had meaning. I had nighttime sadness and crash-outs, and overall, the pressure of being productive is not good. You're sacrificing mental well-being and fun with a high risk of burnout for a quick boost of skill, and also, life doesn't feel fun doing that. It was fun for one week, though.
Also, the details of my routine were: waking up at 4 a.m. -> a long walk to the gym -> gym -> shopping -> cooking and a cold shower and washing clothes -> drawing for the rest of the day until 8 p.m. (about 6 hours of drawing, as other activities and the time between them takes a lot of time). I was also on a roughly 900-calorie deficit diet of same repetetive not tasty food. - peak productivity, hell instead of life though ( at least for me)
Now I'm fine, stable, I'd say, although a bit lazy. I have realized something important: in the past year, I have focused too much on how to get better at art the fastest. I've had a lot of productivity apps and stuff for art graphs and, overall, have not been treating it as something fun but like a work requirement. I've stopped enjoying digital art per se. Drawing with friends was fun and still a little fun, but it was far from the enjoyment I had while drawing traditionally for fun without worries. All that self-imposed pressure, in my case, often led to mental blocks. I think I'm going to take it slower for now (until something changes my opinion). I'm going to draw how I've always drawn and loved drawing in a sketchbook (it's pretty hard; I feel very guilty about using references for big parts, and it's a bad habit of mine I've developed over a year), so I will do everything I can so that I can enjoy digital art as much as I do in a sketchbook traditionally while also trying new stuff.
Also, I have a cutie-patootie puppy, a Belgian Shepherd Groenendael. She's a little demon, always biting my hands, and she's so adorable. She always makes my day anything but boring. I also got scratches on my hands from her so perfectly that it looks like I'm cutting my wrists.
Also, I've been getting tired of social media for some time now. I've gained a lot of friends who are artists who draw NSFW feral and such but act or are normal. I... am different. I love spouting whatever goofy or weird cringe stuff, and I felt restrained because I thought I have too many eyes of normal people who will judge me for anything I say. And so I've always been dodging opening anything but e6 because I didn't want to mess up and have my friends think I'm insane due to me posting... well, weird horny posts and IRL stuff. So I'm just going to go through with it and just act like I want to in the moment: the return of the fun of social side of art.
also im planning to go to my first cons of some sort either EF or NFC, just to check it out, ive always thought of it as boring, i should check it before judging, even if its not fun for me, i can just sit down and draw porn in sketchbook somewhere there, it should be interesting even if i have noone to go w there🔥
Also, I love reading manga. As dumb as it sounds, seeing characters try to get better, have dreams, and also from time to time see different thinking approaches and fictional thinking of characters makes my life feel more magical. Life without dreams and mystery is sad, and watching only films instead of manga and novels keeps me grounded in reality to a big degree (bad).
Also, I'm not sure if I already wrote this, but knowing there is someone who genuinely likes stuff I draw and "goons to it" makes me really happy. Sadly, I doubt most compliments I get as people are just trying to be polite or over-exaggerating. But I think that there is at least more than one person who likes what I draw.
i cant even describe how much it makes me happy to know that someone cares about stuff i draw. it makes me warm inside, i love yall so much
The first month, I was purely practicing, a lot, a lot, a lot, as much as I could. I also lost 10 kg and have been as productive as possible with all the tricks and stuff you hear about in books and YouTube videos. I didn't even use the internet or do other activities for the first two weeks in hopes of not being distracted. It is a horrible way to live; I had some crash-outs and such, but I've improved quite a bit, at least in the theoretical department. I've read many pages of different art books and tried different styles, pens, and such.
The second month, sadly, my little sunshine in life, my pookie dog, died. That, happening after I was already mentally unstable due to pure productivity and no "slop activities," made me go into a spiral. I had unhealthy eating habits, slept a lot, and only played League. I also had a mental block in art because I realized I had sort of lost my goals, and I didn't draw anything.
One thing I'd like to mention is that due to me repeating the same routine every day at every time and trying to make every activity as fast as I could so I could do more, without talking to my friends online or playing games, I felt very boring. It was like nothing in life was fun; everything was boring, and nothing had meaning. I had nighttime sadness and crash-outs, and overall, the pressure of being productive is not good. You're sacrificing mental well-being and fun with a high risk of burnout for a quick boost of skill, and also, life doesn't feel fun doing that. It was fun for one week, though.
Also, the details of my routine were: waking up at 4 a.m. -> a long walk to the gym -> gym -> shopping -> cooking and a cold shower and washing clothes -> drawing for the rest of the day until 8 p.m. (about 6 hours of drawing, as other activities and the time between them takes a lot of time). I was also on a roughly 900-calorie deficit diet of same repetetive not tasty food. - peak productivity, hell instead of life though ( at least for me)
Now I'm fine, stable, I'd say, although a bit lazy. I have realized something important: in the past year, I have focused too much on how to get better at art the fastest. I've had a lot of productivity apps and stuff for art graphs and, overall, have not been treating it as something fun but like a work requirement. I've stopped enjoying digital art per se. Drawing with friends was fun and still a little fun, but it was far from the enjoyment I had while drawing traditionally for fun without worries. All that self-imposed pressure, in my case, often led to mental blocks. I think I'm going to take it slower for now (until something changes my opinion). I'm going to draw how I've always drawn and loved drawing in a sketchbook (it's pretty hard; I feel very guilty about using references for big parts, and it's a bad habit of mine I've developed over a year), so I will do everything I can so that I can enjoy digital art as much as I do in a sketchbook traditionally while also trying new stuff.
Also, I have a cutie-patootie puppy, a Belgian Shepherd Groenendael. She's a little demon, always biting my hands, and she's so adorable. She always makes my day anything but boring. I also got scratches on my hands from her so perfectly that it looks like I'm cutting my wrists.
Also, I've been getting tired of social media for some time now. I've gained a lot of friends who are artists who draw NSFW feral and such but act or are normal. I... am different. I love spouting whatever goofy or weird cringe stuff, and I felt restrained because I thought I have too many eyes of normal people who will judge me for anything I say. And so I've always been dodging opening anything but e6 because I didn't want to mess up and have my friends think I'm insane due to me posting... well, weird horny posts and IRL stuff. So I'm just going to go through with it and just act like I want to in the moment: the return of the fun of social side of art.
also im planning to go to my first cons of some sort either EF or NFC, just to check it out, ive always thought of it as boring, i should check it before judging, even if its not fun for me, i can just sit down and draw porn in sketchbook somewhere there, it should be interesting even if i have noone to go w there🔥
Also, I love reading manga. As dumb as it sounds, seeing characters try to get better, have dreams, and also from time to time see different thinking approaches and fictional thinking of characters makes my life feel more magical. Life without dreams and mystery is sad, and watching only films instead of manga and novels keeps me grounded in reality to a big degree (bad).
Also, I'm not sure if I already wrote this, but knowing there is someone who genuinely likes stuff I draw and "goons to it" makes me really happy. Sadly, I doubt most compliments I get as people are just trying to be polite or over-exaggerating. But I think that there is at least more than one person who likes what I draw.
i cant even describe how much it makes me happy to know that someone cares about stuff i draw. it makes me warm inside, i love yall so much
as for the making as many mistakes so i can learn more, i want that approach, I literally have it when drawing traditionally but not in digital, when i draw digitally, i find everything i draw so bad to the point where i must fix every mistake i see to even make it bearable, like imagine you dont know how to draw a body, but you draw square, and thats not enough, enough would be if you had something even remotely ressembling a body, so u try redo it and redo it. thats my curse im trying to deal w rn, i think its cuz i was too focused on improvement i got this, so thats why im trying to have chill w art, to have digital same way as traditional.... if what i said makes any sense at all.... sorry if it doesnt, im tired today :D
omg yeeeeeeeesh