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September
a year ago
Hey. It's September, a nice month for my country.
I've been thinking about my situation with art, it's tough to not like what I make. I don't despise it! I just feel a very particular feeling of dissatisfaction, that I should be doing more, better, faster, whatever.
I've been trying to catalogue what I need to do more, or my faults when it comes to it. Like so:
1. I'm deathly afraid of color: I don't know why, well, maybe I do. You see, when I make a picture I get dissatisfied quite easy, I could be done with the sketch (that may or may not took me 2 hours) and I already compare it to other artist's sketches or worse, their finished works, so why should I spend like 2 or 3 more hours coloring something that isn't good? It's a shitty mindset I know, I can't shake it easily. Maybe I should start right away with color, block things in like that, sure, it will look even WORSE since I'm very line dependent but It might help with this.
2. Experimenting: I have a bad mindset about it too. I'm still at a phase where I'm finding my own... Style? How I wanna do things, my processes and stuff. It SHOULD be fun, you know, being in this stage. Freeing, wild, fun, try this, try that. It instead feels like I have a bomb strapped on my chest and I'm running out of time. "I'm 27!" I say. "These artists who are like 28 or 21 all have their developed styles, their choices! I'm running out of time!" Bleh, it sucks, but just like before, it's not easy to shake off this feeling.
I shouldn't just... Experiment with styles either, I should pick up the pen, the real pen, ink, do traditional work, maybe paint, inhale the very healthy smells oil paint gives off on a canvas, sculpting, maybe, I dunno.
3. Anxiety: Well I can't do anything about that really. But for the sake of cataloguing it, I have started to feel some as I draw, and even stronger when I DON'T draw... There was a comic going around, about a guy who's brain chastises him for working too hard, and then chastises him for relaxing and not working. It's kind of similar? Maybe not, I don't feel anxiety for working too much, it's just that when I'm using reference while I work (And I usually reference other artists in the furry sphere) I feel like I'll never meet the weirdo expectations I have on myself, and that leads to anxiety, and then if I don't work, well, you know the gist.
I was gonna list a fourth, but I forgot... My memory is pretty awful these days, anyways, am I taking this seriously enough? Don't answer that, you can't answer that, really, but I don't know myself, what even is taking things seriously? Studying harder? Paying more attention? Going to uni and accumulate a crippling debt (I already did that)? Bah, maybe I should take schoolism classes, there was a good Nathan Fawkes color and light course there...
I've been thinking about my situation with art, it's tough to not like what I make. I don't despise it! I just feel a very particular feeling of dissatisfaction, that I should be doing more, better, faster, whatever.
I've been trying to catalogue what I need to do more, or my faults when it comes to it. Like so:
1. I'm deathly afraid of color: I don't know why, well, maybe I do. You see, when I make a picture I get dissatisfied quite easy, I could be done with the sketch (that may or may not took me 2 hours) and I already compare it to other artist's sketches or worse, their finished works, so why should I spend like 2 or 3 more hours coloring something that isn't good? It's a shitty mindset I know, I can't shake it easily. Maybe I should start right away with color, block things in like that, sure, it will look even WORSE since I'm very line dependent but It might help with this.
2. Experimenting: I have a bad mindset about it too. I'm still at a phase where I'm finding my own... Style? How I wanna do things, my processes and stuff. It SHOULD be fun, you know, being in this stage. Freeing, wild, fun, try this, try that. It instead feels like I have a bomb strapped on my chest and I'm running out of time. "I'm 27!" I say. "These artists who are like 28 or 21 all have their developed styles, their choices! I'm running out of time!" Bleh, it sucks, but just like before, it's not easy to shake off this feeling.
I shouldn't just... Experiment with styles either, I should pick up the pen, the real pen, ink, do traditional work, maybe paint, inhale the very healthy smells oil paint gives off on a canvas, sculpting, maybe, I dunno.
3. Anxiety: Well I can't do anything about that really. But for the sake of cataloguing it, I have started to feel some as I draw, and even stronger when I DON'T draw... There was a comic going around, about a guy who's brain chastises him for working too hard, and then chastises him for relaxing and not working. It's kind of similar? Maybe not, I don't feel anxiety for working too much, it's just that when I'm using reference while I work (And I usually reference other artists in the furry sphere) I feel like I'll never meet the weirdo expectations I have on myself, and that leads to anxiety, and then if I don't work, well, you know the gist.
I was gonna list a fourth, but I forgot... My memory is pretty awful these days, anyways, am I taking this seriously enough? Don't answer that, you can't answer that, really, but I don't know myself, what even is taking things seriously? Studying harder? Paying more attention? Going to uni and accumulate a crippling debt (I already did that)? Bah, maybe I should take schoolism classes, there was a good Nathan Fawkes color and light course there...
Ricecakke
~ricecakke
OP
No need to comment, but thank you for reading my journal, this might be a monthly thing.
