FA+
Shop
On CoHost Closing.
a year ago
The End with No Beginning in Sight.
I still find it hard to believe this won't be here soon. Just gone.
The internet as it exists now is just a mindless sea of content, an attention sucking abyss, an ocean of sludge where hope used to be.
For the longest time I always wanted to be an artist. Used to be pretty good at it...
I spent 5 years of my life being abused by my mother. It got so bad I couldn't even draw. Just had to focus on surviving. When I finally got to leave for university COVID hit dragging me back there. 1 day I tried to get it all back, sit down and learn again, I spent that day hiding it the rain. It was like poetry.
Never really got it back since.
University wasn't any better. Increasingly incompetent and frustrating garbage weighing me down. I just feel like garbage now.
It's been close to 10 years..... Haven't gotten closer to my dreams at all....
I didn't even make a dent here. I don't know where I could.
With how the internet is and oncoming tsunami of AI sludge I think it's all lost. What's the point of trying now. I had my chance and I blew it....
Why?
I still find it hard to believe this won't be here soon. Just gone.
The internet as it exists now is just a mindless sea of content, an attention sucking abyss, an ocean of sludge where hope used to be.
For the longest time I always wanted to be an artist. Used to be pretty good at it...
I spent 5 years of my life being abused by my mother. It got so bad I couldn't even draw. Just had to focus on surviving. When I finally got to leave for university COVID hit dragging me back there. 1 day I tried to get it all back, sit down and learn again, I spent that day hiding it the rain. It was like poetry.
Never really got it back since.
University wasn't any better. Increasingly incompetent and frustrating garbage weighing me down. I just feel like garbage now.
It's been close to 10 years..... Haven't gotten closer to my dreams at all....
I didn't even make a dent here. I don't know where I could.
With how the internet is and oncoming tsunami of AI sludge I think it's all lost. What's the point of trying now. I had my chance and I blew it....
Why?
Perhaps you can speak with a coffee shop owner about displaying small prints of your work on their walls for a certain amount of weeks?
Getting more in tune with your local community can help reconnect you to why you like making art in the first place. If you're concerned over your identity being exposed, you might also be able to ask about anonymous displays if you chat privately or get an email contact.
It's not much, but it's a tiny way to claw back a personal sense of meaning to your work without depending on the internet to define that.
I know little about your city or you living situation, so you need to use the internet to find places away from your city but still reachable with meager resources. If you can find an online collab, you might be able to make a step forward to finding a circle of folks who'd be willing to give you a sense of worth and get you away from your bad situation.
But I'd love if you would make more pixel art, Nanimo.
I actually think about making stuff more like yours, I hear it can help with creativity and inspiration.
Are there any particular pieces of mine you like or anything you'd want to see?
Each piece of pixel art that you make shows me more about your inner world, more about what you value, what you care about, how you experience it all.
That's the art I want. And you make that any time you make something new.
I know it's probably not helpful. But I'm excited to see the choices you'll make.
Really like the unfiltered vision thing just a bit worried about some NSFW would be received publicly.
If you have a conviction that isn't worth losing something over, then how important is that conviction to you?
I don't really believe in all or nothing mentalities like that, but I think it's still useful for illustrating that it's okay if you do something that other people don't like.
You're here now. Whatever that means, the people who you want to see it are going to find it, because they're looking for someone who feels the way they do too.
the thing is though.. do you feel okay about what you're studying?
one of the things i regret most is my major
i went along with what a teacher recommended (cultural anthropology) because that teacher helped me so much
i wish instead that i'd studied vfx or graphic design, or simply not studied at all and focussed on finding my place in the wider social world, and doing furry art for $
i know you might be afraid of your parents giving you even more trouble
but they need to know how much you're suffering, if they don't already
they need to know they can't expect you to do normal person things; meet normal person milestones - because you're not a normal person, and that's okay
this recipe they might have in mind of what normal people should achieve for success and happiness won't work for you
it certainly didn't work for me - i have a useless degree now and no job :(
I feel somewhat confident in what I'm studying. Almost got a degree out of it and I've already had some interest from world leading experts in the field.
I'm sorry to hear you've had to live with such regrets. I'd happy to talk about it in private.