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Narc mom comics
11 months ago
I have fourteen scripted in total and will probably have #4 out before the day is out. But a few folks have expressed concern about me so I just wanted to clarify a few things.
The biggest is that I'm actually doing okay. I had a rough time in 2021 but it helped me work through some things that I needed to work through, and for the first time in my life I can actually express some things I wasn't able to as a child because my brain had been so twisted by the abuse that things like, "Hey, you notice that none of your family stood up for you while they watched you get abused?" never occured to me until much later in my life.
My mother was a narcissist and I was her scapegoat. For folks unaware of the terminology, it's very typical for a narc mom to pick a favorite child and then a child who takes the brunt of all of her insecurities, all her frustrations, and all of her negativity. The golden child can do no wrong, and scapegoat can do no right. If another parent is on the scene usually they stand back and watch, sometimes participate, and play the role of the enabler. And the reason why is usually, "Better you than me." The golden child gets all the preferential treatment because they're the one the narc intends to shape as their clone, while the scapegoat soaks up all the abuse, often getting punished for things the golden child did.
Recovery from the role of the scapegoat consists of accepting that your parent was broken and really not emotionally capable of being a good parent. Unfortunately it also means accepting that it was easy for the rest of your family to go along with it most of the time. I once had a friend who was horribly abused by her grandfather, and when she asked her grandmother why she didn't stop him the answer was, "If he was abusing you, then he left me alone." (Thankfully the friend's response was, "I am never speaking to you again." and she didn't even attend the woman's funeral when she died after that point) But it takes time to get out of the mindset that it's your fault, or that it's okay that nobody did anything about it.
But the important thing is that none of the comics I'm posting are coming from a point of pain anymore. If anything, they're my triumph. I've been in therapy for about a year and it's helped me understand that none of what happened was my fault, I'm not a bad person, and I should be really damn proud of the fact that I not only escaped but I thrived despite all of her neglect and abuse. My other family members I think remained broken or passive because that's how she bent them to act. But I'm not. I have a wonderful life and family and amazing friends now. And she can't really do more than sulk in her hole and try to convince herself that she's right.
But please don't worry about me. The comics are my victory cry, not a cry for help. It's my hope that by putting them out there that they help other people and give them the words and concepts that an abuse victim might not consider because they've been conditioned to not ask for help or fight back. If they do help anyone, then they've done their job. But as for me, I'm actually doing pretty great right now.
Love you all!
The biggest is that I'm actually doing okay. I had a rough time in 2021 but it helped me work through some things that I needed to work through, and for the first time in my life I can actually express some things I wasn't able to as a child because my brain had been so twisted by the abuse that things like, "Hey, you notice that none of your family stood up for you while they watched you get abused?" never occured to me until much later in my life.
My mother was a narcissist and I was her scapegoat. For folks unaware of the terminology, it's very typical for a narc mom to pick a favorite child and then a child who takes the brunt of all of her insecurities, all her frustrations, and all of her negativity. The golden child can do no wrong, and scapegoat can do no right. If another parent is on the scene usually they stand back and watch, sometimes participate, and play the role of the enabler. And the reason why is usually, "Better you than me." The golden child gets all the preferential treatment because they're the one the narc intends to shape as their clone, while the scapegoat soaks up all the abuse, often getting punished for things the golden child did.
Recovery from the role of the scapegoat consists of accepting that your parent was broken and really not emotionally capable of being a good parent. Unfortunately it also means accepting that it was easy for the rest of your family to go along with it most of the time. I once had a friend who was horribly abused by her grandfather, and when she asked her grandmother why she didn't stop him the answer was, "If he was abusing you, then he left me alone." (Thankfully the friend's response was, "I am never speaking to you again." and she didn't even attend the woman's funeral when she died after that point) But it takes time to get out of the mindset that it's your fault, or that it's okay that nobody did anything about it.
But the important thing is that none of the comics I'm posting are coming from a point of pain anymore. If anything, they're my triumph. I've been in therapy for about a year and it's helped me understand that none of what happened was my fault, I'm not a bad person, and I should be really damn proud of the fact that I not only escaped but I thrived despite all of her neglect and abuse. My other family members I think remained broken or passive because that's how she bent them to act. But I'm not. I have a wonderful life and family and amazing friends now. And she can't really do more than sulk in her hole and try to convince herself that she's right.
But please don't worry about me. The comics are my victory cry, not a cry for help. It's my hope that by putting them out there that they help other people and give them the words and concepts that an abuse victim might not consider because they've been conditioned to not ask for help or fight back. If they do help anyone, then they've done their job. But as for me, I'm actually doing pretty great right now.
Love you all!
=^.^=
I wasn't sure if those were appropriate, but reading this it sounds like those were something of the idea.
🤗👍💖
I always wish you the best Gen, you're positive and strong and kind and empathetic. You don't suffer fools gladly and you fight for those you care about. I always admire a lot about you, and how you do what you can to make things better for those you can, rather than blindly repeat the twisted warped vision of those who had the most power over you in your early years.
I am proud of you
You don't just give a victory cry when you shout these things into the void of the Internet. You're also telling everyone who's gone through what you have, that they aren't alone.
And that means a world to me.
As the victim of a narcissist mother, I completely understand where all these emotions and pain is coming from. I'm not sure if you kept along with my transition journey, as much as I've stopped using Twitter. On September 20th, 2023, I invited my mother and her enabling husband to a 2 hour therapy session with my best friend for support as my wife was unable to attend.
The following two hours were grueling: questions about the divorce, about sending me off to boarding school, the social security system and whether or not she collected off of me. She had an answer for everything, from blaming my father to "I raised 3 kids under one household, you should be grateful". Her husband had the absolute hubris to question my therapist's license to practice.
When it finally came down to the bombshell that I was transitioning, I told her that I did not want her to interrupt me for the next few moments so I could tell her everything over the past 2 years. When I told her that I had been living as a woman for the last few months, having changed my name, driver's license, and birth certificate, her reaction was "That doesn't affect me in any way." A pure narcissistic response. I told her all the ways it actually WOULD affect her, from how she should refer to me, if she even did at all, or how I would be appearing anywhere, that I should be referred to as female instead of male. She told me that I was "On the wrong path of God" and "I invited you to come to church on Sunday to you can see how wrong this is", despite her knowing I work on Sundays. It made me physically ill to even claim my own belief in Christianity.
Mom refused to answer the moral question of how hard it was being a trans woman in public. My wife had a stigma about me transitioning initially, but she came around to understand why she loved ME and not my gender; my mother had the absolute GALL to comment that "I don't know why she would have a problem with it... She was a lesbian before she even met you."
When she commented that "I'll only see you as my son", I responded back with those are the exact words my father said to me. She seemed actually hurt by these words, reeling from that one.
My therapist told me at my next session about how her watch was making sure she was okay because her heart rate was showing signs of distress.
Genesis, I completely understand your pain, frustration, anger, disgust, and there is no need to explain anything to me. I'm still recovering and trying to figure out my own ways, instead of having my mother in my head continually telling me that I'm worthless, I'll never do anything right, I'm a failure... My therapist has been a great help with this.
I wish you huge support on your recovery journey, and may God bless your path to recovery. If you ever feel the need to vent, my Telegram is always open to you, friend. isfacat
Be well.