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I don't need to be here anymore.
11 months ago
I'm just writing this out for something to look back on in the future, I don't know.
The last two months have basically been a living hell, I've tried reaching out to a few people to basically ask for help as my mental health is at the lowest it has ever been. Last night was the last attempt I'm prepared to take. I'm sick of each week being the same, meaningless grind. I'm sick of grandparents constantly going on about how they wish they were dead, how miserable their life is. It's like every conversation I have with anyone is just misery heaped on misery. Every effort I've made to get them help is shot down and then rubbed in my face.
Maybe if I was gone, they might finally realise I was somebody.
I tried to talk about my low mood to folks IRL and got laughed at, "like you would know what stress and depression are".
The final kicker came today. I took a break from WoW, been playing it for the better part of 18 years and recently took a month off just to work on myself. The guild I have been in for almost a year and a half, did dungeons with them, mythics and the occasional old raid. I re-subbed this evening and logged in. They hadn't even noticed I was missing, not a single response to me saying hello.
I feel I have nothing further to offer.
The last two months have basically been a living hell, I've tried reaching out to a few people to basically ask for help as my mental health is at the lowest it has ever been. Last night was the last attempt I'm prepared to take. I'm sick of each week being the same, meaningless grind. I'm sick of grandparents constantly going on about how they wish they were dead, how miserable their life is. It's like every conversation I have with anyone is just misery heaped on misery. Every effort I've made to get them help is shot down and then rubbed in my face.
Maybe if I was gone, they might finally realise I was somebody.
I tried to talk about my low mood to folks IRL and got laughed at, "like you would know what stress and depression are".
The final kicker came today. I took a break from WoW, been playing it for the better part of 18 years and recently took a month off just to work on myself. The guild I have been in for almost a year and a half, did dungeons with them, mythics and the occasional old raid. I re-subbed this evening and logged in. They hadn't even noticed I was missing, not a single response to me saying hello.
I feel I have nothing further to offer.
Honestly, I don't think a WoW guild is a good measure of people to be friends with since there seems to be such an 'in and out' culture now. Being part of a guild isn't really a community anymore, its just like being thrown into a team for a single match in a multiplayer game and that's it. At least that's the perception I'm getting nowadays. I came back for the new xpac and it's been great so far.
I'm around if you wanna talk.
If you feel a break from online spaces is needed, I wish you the absolute best. I'm really sorry how things have been treating you as of late. Please try not to equate that to your own sense of worth.
Thank you for being here, and for letting all of us here know.
You belong.
If you're still on Discord, don't be a stranger. I usually don't reach out to people because I figure we're just 'acquaintances' and I don't wanna bug them, but I'm always happy to chat and catch up. <3