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A response, an update (con, maybe?)
a year ago
General
First off, I want to sincerely thank everyone for the comments that were left on my last journal. They helped me get a better grasp of things and simply let me vent some of the troubles I've been having with my own self-identity. It helped give me different perspectives and I'm feeling a good bit better now as a result. I've come to a few conclusions and I wanted to start with the most pressing one.
(1) I'm consolidating GRN1 back into this account
When I tried to do the drone thing, it initially started as a fun little profile play but it ultimately ended up evolving into an exercise in futility. I wanted to try and become someone who had consistent tastes and enjoyed one thing. In trying to do so, all I was doing was censoring all of the other aspects of me that make me... me. I still adore rubber and drone stuff, but that's only one facet of me among so many others. Maybe it's not your thing, and I'm sorry. I don't want to hide those aspects of myself even if it means people turn away from me as a result of it.
I initially posted my new drone art for GRN1 on
GRN1, but I'll be posting all of the art from there onto this account as soon as I get a spare moment. I want to sincerely thank everyone who watched that account and I'm very sorry if I let you down by not continuing to keep it separate. If there's any good news that comes from all of this, though, it's that I genuinely and sincerely love GRN1 as an alternate form of Grynn and it will not be going anywhere. My time doing that profile play gave me a wonderful suit design, a whole ton of great stickers and a lot of fun memories with people I never would've had the chance to talk to otherwise.
Long story short, GRN1's just another piece that makes up who I am, and I'm keeping it around in a more official capacity.
(2) I'm going to try and self-censor less often
If I'm getting art for myself, I need to truly get art for myself. Often, I find myself pushing away ideas for things I want in the moment because I fear I'm getting too many pieces in a row of one thing or another. I try to plan my postings to not do the same thing too many times in one go, and then I get sharp choice paralysis which can last for months on what to post, how to post it, if people will even like it... etc, etc. I want to be able to post whatever I want, whenever I want. Regardless of the mood I'm feeling, I should just post what I get and stop fearing the results. I should stop caring about if the things I get will get favorites or not.
This goes for conversations with friends just as much as art. If I know a friend really loves something but I'm not a big fan of it, I need to speak up. If I really adore something but I know my friend is rather neutral (and they say it's okay for me to talk about those things), then I should allow myself to enjoy the things that I do. The only way I'm going to feel like myself is if I trust others when they say it's okay to express myself, even if it's with things that they might like but not 100% adore all the time.
(3) I'm looking for potential mutuals/friends who plan on going to MFF
...I want to make a sincere effort to try going to a con for the first time, but I'm at a complete loss on how to make this happen. Right now, I don't have anything booked whatsoever and everything is on the fence, but if anyone is planning on going, I'd love to know. One of my biggest fears is going to something big like a convention and ending up completely alone for the entire duration, so knowing a few familiar faces I could meet would mean the world to me and help me formalize a decision. I know time is running out, but maybe I can do something this year, or try for a different one. I'm not sure yet.
This is my attempt to take a step towards something I never thought I'd do before. If I don't at least try, then how can I be certain it's impossible? If it doesn't work out, then I can think about another attempt at a later point. Failing now doesn't mean I've failed forever, and I need to teach myself that somehow.
_____________________________
I'm going to be slow with getting new stuff for the next while, assuming the con thing is going to happen. I'll need to save up since it's an international endeavor on my end, so there's less chance for me to get new art to share for a bit. Regardless of if you like the stuff I have or not in my backlog, I'm sincerely grateful that you've stuck around up until this point and I hope that when I do post something you like, you'll enjoy it as much as I do.
(1) I'm consolidating GRN1 back into this account
When I tried to do the drone thing, it initially started as a fun little profile play but it ultimately ended up evolving into an exercise in futility. I wanted to try and become someone who had consistent tastes and enjoyed one thing. In trying to do so, all I was doing was censoring all of the other aspects of me that make me... me. I still adore rubber and drone stuff, but that's only one facet of me among so many others. Maybe it's not your thing, and I'm sorry. I don't want to hide those aspects of myself even if it means people turn away from me as a result of it.
I initially posted my new drone art for GRN1 on
GRN1, but I'll be posting all of the art from there onto this account as soon as I get a spare moment. I want to sincerely thank everyone who watched that account and I'm very sorry if I let you down by not continuing to keep it separate. If there's any good news that comes from all of this, though, it's that I genuinely and sincerely love GRN1 as an alternate form of Grynn and it will not be going anywhere. My time doing that profile play gave me a wonderful suit design, a whole ton of great stickers and a lot of fun memories with people I never would've had the chance to talk to otherwise.Long story short, GRN1's just another piece that makes up who I am, and I'm keeping it around in a more official capacity.
(2) I'm going to try and self-censor less often
If I'm getting art for myself, I need to truly get art for myself. Often, I find myself pushing away ideas for things I want in the moment because I fear I'm getting too many pieces in a row of one thing or another. I try to plan my postings to not do the same thing too many times in one go, and then I get sharp choice paralysis which can last for months on what to post, how to post it, if people will even like it... etc, etc. I want to be able to post whatever I want, whenever I want. Regardless of the mood I'm feeling, I should just post what I get and stop fearing the results. I should stop caring about if the things I get will get favorites or not.
This goes for conversations with friends just as much as art. If I know a friend really loves something but I'm not a big fan of it, I need to speak up. If I really adore something but I know my friend is rather neutral (and they say it's okay for me to talk about those things), then I should allow myself to enjoy the things that I do. The only way I'm going to feel like myself is if I trust others when they say it's okay to express myself, even if it's with things that they might like but not 100% adore all the time.
(3) I'm looking for potential mutuals/friends who plan on going to MFF
...I want to make a sincere effort to try going to a con for the first time, but I'm at a complete loss on how to make this happen. Right now, I don't have anything booked whatsoever and everything is on the fence, but if anyone is planning on going, I'd love to know. One of my biggest fears is going to something big like a convention and ending up completely alone for the entire duration, so knowing a few familiar faces I could meet would mean the world to me and help me formalize a decision. I know time is running out, but maybe I can do something this year, or try for a different one. I'm not sure yet.
This is my attempt to take a step towards something I never thought I'd do before. If I don't at least try, then how can I be certain it's impossible? If it doesn't work out, then I can think about another attempt at a later point. Failing now doesn't mean I've failed forever, and I need to teach myself that somehow.
_____________________________
I'm going to be slow with getting new stuff for the next while, assuming the con thing is going to happen. I'll need to save up since it's an international endeavor on my end, so there's less chance for me to get new art to share for a bit. Regardless of if you like the stuff I have or not in my backlog, I'm sincerely grateful that you've stuck around up until this point and I hope that when I do post something you like, you'll enjoy it as much as I do.
Sometimes you have to throw caution to the wind and just post what you what, when you want, and to hell with what others think. Even if it's something I might not be interested in, I'm not going to bash you over it. I just shrug my shoulders and move onto the next thing. It's the same mentality I get when I post or retweet anything on X, I just don't care.
Though personally, I'd recommend against going to MFF as your first con. They've gotten so big in recent years that it's a bit overwhelming.
I also want to go for... research purposes 👀