Nostalgic evening. Or morning really, as it's nearly 4 AM as I start to write this and I'm not asleep. Missing old friends, old loves. One week from Xmas, two to my birthday. I'll be 31. I don't feel any different than I did half my life ago, save for more aches and pains, but that's just natural progression. Seems like the more other people change, the more I stay the same, hah. Did I grow up far too soon? I thought so many years ago. Did I never grow up at all? It's hard to tell, I've never wanted to truly totally grow up. There's something for having imagination. The thing I never really figured out is why I seem to befriend people older than me, and younger than me, almost rather easily.... but some people my own age, it just doesn't click.

My younger sister is now 23 with five kids, and no longer married. My younger brother, graduated high school, 18, and jobless, like so many others out there. Almost the spitting image of me with very few differences. He's got a girlfriend, practically lives here, they're engaged. I think it's a mistake. There's no set date, but that doesn't matter. What I think about that isn't important, only them really. He never had the troubles I did making friends, or expressing himself. He's not shy, unlike me. He takes after me gaming though. Never actually told him how that actually makes me proud. Most of his friends are my own friends too. Just goes to show age really is just a number. Real life is just something I still trudge through though, getting what enjoyment I can. I have friends, even lovers, yet there's something that just never feels quite right. There was an episode of House on a few weeks ago... the patient reminded me so much of myself. Too intelligent for his own good, that he couldn't find true happiness because of it. His mind would never stop. He ended up taking a simplistic job and doing some sort of drug-type abuse to dumb himself down. Can't say I would go that far.

Should try getting back into MUCKing again some. Been a while since I've logged in anywhere. Seems so difficult at times with everyone being new. Never could get in to Second Life, although I know some old friends went there. Just not my kind of thing. MUCKing itself is kind of a stretch, though. I enjoy meeting new people. Enjoyed RPing too at times. I'm just so flighty, doing so many things. Those stupid little Facebook games are my current addiction. They keep my mind occupied, that's usually the important thing.

To my older friends, who may not even be around anymore, I still think of you. To one in particular, she'd know who she was, I still miss you.