Since everyone is chiming in on the topic of Christmas I thought I should also. For those of you who have asked me about Christmas and have received a "ehh" sort of response, please let me explain...

I didn't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable but the reason I do not share peoples enthusiasm about this subject is that for MOST people Christmas is a "positive" thing full of Joy and "happy memories" and a time to spend with your loved ones. Frankly for me as a kid I've usually sent most of my Christmas' in my room avoiding my patents because they were pissed about how I just seemed to be another thing they needed to spend money on and it was easier to blow up and get mad so that it gave them reason not to do anything for christmas. Same with thanksgiving and birthdays. I personally have no "fond memories" of Christmas, nor do I have any "loved ones" I moved to Texas to get away from my family and they are glad Im gone. Talking about Christmas only serves to stir up bad memories for me thats why I have not join into the "festivities" I don't mind people celebrating christmas but please don't misunderstand me if I do not share your sentiments on the subject. Talking about Christmas makes me feel like I am back in school again and people are asking me what I got for christmas or what I did for christmas. I always had to make up something just so I could fit in and appear to be normal like everyone else. It would piss me off too because every teacher had to do that "What I did for christmas vacation" essay. Id always felt like saying, "Nothing, I did nothing.. the end." but I knew that would get me an F so I always just make things up. People were always amazed to hear about the wonderful Christmas vacation I had ... if they only knew.

Just so you know I do not enjoy the holidays and I am sorry of I appear to be a "scrooge" but I do not miss things I've never had, nor I do enjoy taking about things that remind me of how I spent my holidays growing up. Id rather go from October to Feb and slip the 3 worst months of my year. All the holidays ever do for me is bring up bad memories, I am glad for those of you who celebrate the holiday and I wish I could join in your sentiments but I can't. I've always felt that Christmas and other holidays like it, just seem to serve to show peoples true colors. Like It's ok to spend the rest of the year being ungrateful, thankless, treating others like garbage and ignoring they exist but when the holidays roll around.. "Oh hey its Christmas!!" ...no thanks I can do with out it. Besides the reality for me is, that I do not need holidays or birthdays to show me who my true friends are. They make themselves know to me by their actions year round. To those of you I am thankful for, and rest assured I know who you are :) *hug*

Don't get me wrong I do hope you enjoy your holidays and that you do have merry christmas and please do not worry about me I'm good with out it, I just felt i needed to explain why my mood about Christmas was different and I didn't want to offend anyone or make anyone feel like I was avoiding them. Also, sorry if this explanation came out sounding a bit "emo" that was not my intention LOL any how for what its worth.. Merry Christmas?


- Balto