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💥UPDATE: Where i've been + Where i'm going
a year ago
General
Howdy hey everybody.. been a hot minute since you've seen me in ur inboxes, hasn't it?
First off, let me just apologize from the deepest depths of my heart about my sudden absence. It was never my intention to disappear on everybody so suddenly and become so incredibly hard to get a hold of ;; I'm still working on reaching out to commissioners individually, but figured i'd make this journal to let everyone know im still alive and kicking. :") To the best of my ability anyways..
A majority of my absence has been because of frequent hospitalizations over the last year + this one. I've basically been living at hospitals and rehab centers for what I thought was simply persistent symptoms from my anxiety disorders + daily stressors fuckin' with my internals, but it actually turned out to be from (unbeknownst to me prior to these hospitalizations) years of un-monitored Stage 2 Hypertension. And after multiple hypertensive episodes, they eventually developed into a series of mini strokes. While the strokes weren't horrendously serious in themselves, they were...consistent. I've had to spend MONTHS in rehab in order to regain proper hand-eye coordination to be able to even draw at the same caliber I was before all this nonsense started. Which is it's own special brand of infuriating tbh.
Admittedly, some of the silence has come from never experiencing health issues at this caliber before, and not knowing how to really handle it. It's frustrating. Embarrassing. Upsetting. I've been so out of my depth and trying to handle it. Everyday is learning a skill I previously had and at some point the agitation gets nauseating. But i'm trying. I'm trying so fucking hard because I actually love what I do and would like to keep doing it. Art means a lot to me, and being unable to do it consistently has been gut-wrenching. Which sounds dramatic and silly but...ya know..weeks in a hospital bed with no access to any of my personal shit and no support system or ability to create as an outlet will make me a lil weepy.
I just wanted to make my presence known again so ppl know i'm around these parts still. And to ask for everybody's continued patience and understanding with me while I try to rearrange my life (again) and accommodate for this lil setback. I genuinely have every intention to make up for lost time and owed work. Now that i'm home again (hopefully for good..if my body and blood don't betray me again) and have access to my computer and tablet full-time + reliable internet access, my replies should be faster and more consistent than the shitty wifi at the hospitals allowed.
SORRY FOR THE NOVEL AGHHHHH thank you for reading and for those sticking by me and for my wonderful commissioners for reaching out, being understanding, and allowing me the space to get back on track at my own pace 😭💖 I've never had a queue for this long before, and figuring out how to get back on the wagon is a struggle, but one im willing to take head-on now!!!! I've honestly been burnt-out and, while i would've preferred to NOT have this break in medical facilities with work still owed, I have to admit it's helped me iron out what I want out of being a freelance artist again. It's nice to have that perspective re-calibrated. I love being a commission artist. I love drawing for people. I love sharing my work. I wanna keep doing it (especially now that it truly is the best/only avenue for me income-wise). Being an artist is an important part of me, and now im feeling a bit more confident with where im going, and how im going to get there. Just need patience. And time.. wah..
ANYWAYS TL;DR
IM HERE IM BACK AND GETTING MY SHIT TOGETHER! My body tried getting rid of me but I simply said "no <3" >:^)
First off, let me just apologize from the deepest depths of my heart about my sudden absence. It was never my intention to disappear on everybody so suddenly and become so incredibly hard to get a hold of ;; I'm still working on reaching out to commissioners individually, but figured i'd make this journal to let everyone know im still alive and kicking. :") To the best of my ability anyways..
A majority of my absence has been because of frequent hospitalizations over the last year + this one. I've basically been living at hospitals and rehab centers for what I thought was simply persistent symptoms from my anxiety disorders + daily stressors fuckin' with my internals, but it actually turned out to be from (unbeknownst to me prior to these hospitalizations) years of un-monitored Stage 2 Hypertension. And after multiple hypertensive episodes, they eventually developed into a series of mini strokes. While the strokes weren't horrendously serious in themselves, they were...consistent. I've had to spend MONTHS in rehab in order to regain proper hand-eye coordination to be able to even draw at the same caliber I was before all this nonsense started. Which is it's own special brand of infuriating tbh.
Admittedly, some of the silence has come from never experiencing health issues at this caliber before, and not knowing how to really handle it. It's frustrating. Embarrassing. Upsetting. I've been so out of my depth and trying to handle it. Everyday is learning a skill I previously had and at some point the agitation gets nauseating. But i'm trying. I'm trying so fucking hard because I actually love what I do and would like to keep doing it. Art means a lot to me, and being unable to do it consistently has been gut-wrenching. Which sounds dramatic and silly but...ya know..weeks in a hospital bed with no access to any of my personal shit and no support system or ability to create as an outlet will make me a lil weepy.
I just wanted to make my presence known again so ppl know i'm around these parts still. And to ask for everybody's continued patience and understanding with me while I try to rearrange my life (again) and accommodate for this lil setback. I genuinely have every intention to make up for lost time and owed work. Now that i'm home again (hopefully for good..if my body and blood don't betray me again) and have access to my computer and tablet full-time + reliable internet access, my replies should be faster and more consistent than the shitty wifi at the hospitals allowed.
SORRY FOR THE NOVEL AGHHHHH thank you for reading and for those sticking by me and for my wonderful commissioners for reaching out, being understanding, and allowing me the space to get back on track at my own pace 😭💖 I've never had a queue for this long before, and figuring out how to get back on the wagon is a struggle, but one im willing to take head-on now!!!! I've honestly been burnt-out and, while i would've preferred to NOT have this break in medical facilities with work still owed, I have to admit it's helped me iron out what I want out of being a freelance artist again. It's nice to have that perspective re-calibrated. I love being a commission artist. I love drawing for people. I love sharing my work. I wanna keep doing it (especially now that it truly is the best/only avenue for me income-wise). Being an artist is an important part of me, and now im feeling a bit more confident with where im going, and how im going to get there. Just need patience. And time.. wah..
ANYWAYS TL;DR
IM HERE IM BACK AND GETTING MY SHIT TOGETHER! My body tried getting rid of me but I simply said "no <3" >:^)
Thank you! I appreciate it a ton 💞 ;w; I'm looking forward to being active again!!!!
From one artist to another; please take all the time you need to recover. These sound like very serious medical issues and your health and your LIFE are definitely more important than trying to do art but I also understand the struggle of not being able to do the thing you love and draw for even yourself.
be patient and kind to yourself okay?
You got this! Welcome back! I'll look forward to seeing more from you again
I know I'm practically a stranger but if you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to reach out to me!
The fatigue is my biggest enemy right now, but im resting and taking it easy where I can! I'm not good at limiting myself when it comes to drawing, so it's very "Unstoppable Force meets Immovable Object" atm fhdjsgfdgf, but im finding a good balance.
Thank you for all your kind words and support, in this journal and over the years! I've enjoyed being able to work with you as much as I have and look forward to having more stuff to share when my body stops being a big ol baby about, well, everything LMAOO. But seriously, thanks for everything 🧡;w;
I'm sorry to hear what you've been going through, I'm wishing you the very best. Please remember it's ok to take the time you need, your health is most important. Take care of yourself <3
And for being so endlessly patient with me, thank you thank yooooooou 💖
Looking forward to seeing you eventually pick up where you left off!
Seriously though, thank you so so much for being as patient and understanding as you've been n' sticking with me all these years ;; <333
I'm excited to make a comeback! I miss making people look at my art!!!!!!!
- a very silent follower who you probably have never seen before xD
I'm really happy to see you doing okay and getting back into art again.