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End of (X)shitter & Other news
a year ago
Breaking the journal in two subjects:
Part 1: It seems to finally be the end of Twitter. And that's a good thing.
I won't be moving on similar big corpo platforms, because I've learned my lesson about them.
Ironically I sorta "knew" it all along, even before jumping in. The social pressure got and crumbled me, I felt that I "needed to" and I felt fear of being left behind and I saw all the people around me suffer the same feelings with nobody who was able to say no. It happened when I was at a low in life, a good time to make mistakes and fall for overtly flowery promises - I guess it happens to everyone at some point. Over the years I noticed myself simply being more worn out because I wasted my time looking at it instead of doing something actually useful like talking directly with people. I curated my feed harshly, hacked away all influence from algorithms and it never started feeling any different, it is not the algorithm but how the setup itself makes people behave when they are there - distant. You cannot have a "by us for us" community without the "by us" part. Overall I traded a few more quick sales to not having as much energy to do as much work that there would've been available to take on. There's a point where you need to stop doing things "for your career" or because others are pressuring if it's also putting yourself down, because there's no career (or life in general) without yourself to do/live it.
Part 2: It's been a slow decay since the pandemic, it probably wont start getting better for a long time and it might even get really dark too.
But I will continue and get through regardless. Some of the previous days were especially bad but then I just somehow happened to find inspiration, which was finding music that spoke to me like magic at the right moment. It made me realize it's the reason I need to keep creating, because if I can give that experience to someone else through drawings it means they'll have strength to keep going too. Creating things is a pretty lonely process but it has power to speak through distance and time, even if it will reach just one person ever it's what matters. And also what would be the point of life if it wasn't to pursue the thing you have a drive to do?
That being said I have a few personal art ideas to make, which I hope to post sometime soon. And also setup the Xenia stuff for online sales and open announce new dates for commission slots too. And I will also stream this evening too, as usual.
-Neo
Part 1: It seems to finally be the end of Twitter. And that's a good thing.
I won't be moving on similar big corpo platforms, because I've learned my lesson about them.
Ironically I sorta "knew" it all along, even before jumping in. The social pressure got and crumbled me, I felt that I "needed to" and I felt fear of being left behind and I saw all the people around me suffer the same feelings with nobody who was able to say no. It happened when I was at a low in life, a good time to make mistakes and fall for overtly flowery promises - I guess it happens to everyone at some point. Over the years I noticed myself simply being more worn out because I wasted my time looking at it instead of doing something actually useful like talking directly with people. I curated my feed harshly, hacked away all influence from algorithms and it never started feeling any different, it is not the algorithm but how the setup itself makes people behave when they are there - distant. You cannot have a "by us for us" community without the "by us" part. Overall I traded a few more quick sales to not having as much energy to do as much work that there would've been available to take on. There's a point where you need to stop doing things "for your career" or because others are pressuring if it's also putting yourself down, because there's no career (or life in general) without yourself to do/live it.
Part 2: It's been a slow decay since the pandemic, it probably wont start getting better for a long time and it might even get really dark too.
But I will continue and get through regardless. Some of the previous days were especially bad but then I just somehow happened to find inspiration, which was finding music that spoke to me like magic at the right moment. It made me realize it's the reason I need to keep creating, because if I can give that experience to someone else through drawings it means they'll have strength to keep going too. Creating things is a pretty lonely process but it has power to speak through distance and time, even if it will reach just one person ever it's what matters. And also what would be the point of life if it wasn't to pursue the thing you have a drive to do?
That being said I have a few personal art ideas to make, which I hope to post sometime soon. And also setup the Xenia stuff for online sales and open announce new dates for commission slots too. And I will also stream this evening too, as usual.
-Neo
Edit: Was already following you lmao
Social media sites are designed to keep you there as long as possible. Free yourself from that.
Art is magical. A picture you make when feeling a particular way at a certain time can touch someone at any point in the future. Make art, but especially make art for yourself. You need to be kind to yourself.
Good to see you finally abandon that Hellhole. I just hope the rest of the fandom wakes up and leaves that place as well.
My Facebook has 1 contact and is used to register in mobile games only.
Gotta say i considered i might have to Look into social Media again as I started streaming on Youtube recently and find it Hard to just generate followers through Youtube Algorythms only but as of now i still dont think it is as much of a requirement or chance as you would still have to work, keep Posting and moderating and whatnot but then on an additional site.. Not worth it.. Yet(?)
Even I can be guilty
Stay strong, Neotheta. And honestly thank you for posting this as I've been scared lately.
Mastodon repels people who just want to consume and push in some content in hopes to make numbers, who want things but to not need to give anything in return, because one can't help but feel responsible when the host/owner of the place is someone closer to you. You feel you need to do your part and some people just really prefer not to, most often because they are used to that setting - and you don't want those people around yourself, because slowly but surely they will make you become alike and you will feel shit about yourself. It did feel slightly inconvenient to start adding alt text to everything (especially with how long it takes me to write vs draw), or think of content warnings and generally think ahead what I'm posting, but after a while of doing so it turned out to feel good - it feels good to think about others and it feels good to realize that it's turned out to become something that feels to be the normal way to being. Further enhanced by seeing other people do the same - you don't feel alone.
On a personal note mastodon is a good place to keep in touch with people who are not in the furry fandom: FOSS people, demoscene people etc use it and it's nice to hear what happens in their lives if I can't attend parties so often.
Still, love seeing your art on here, and hopefully you find other, better places to grow into as well!
If you find a cozy hub of artists which isn't (X)itter, let me know!
Sending hugs.
> Creating things is a pretty lonely process but it has power to speak through distance and time, even if it will reach just one person ever it's what matters
Really spoke to me, you put it perfectly. <3
Mastodon is also nice, especially if you also want to follow some foss and demoscene things.
It ain't healthy, and it ain't worth it. Even when there's someone to listen, someone or something else is sitting in between to intercept. Corporate-run Web 2.0 sucks.
Also left xitter some time ago (althought there was some 30-days deactivation period before the account will be really removed). Never really used it, but decided that I no more want to be "one of x billion users", considering what kind of place it has become.
It's been known for a long time that social media are awful for mental health. Something that is usually not worth sticking to, unless you desperately need the clients imo.
Personally I've been having problems with depression for almost as long as I can remember. I've had a situation back in the day in my school that I've had to make FB accout so our class had a group where the teachers could send notifications and resources to us, Outside of this there was nothing and noone I could relate to, create connections or anything. I've been experiencing this phenomenon where you're feeling like your'e in the croud but feeling even lonlier because of that.
Deleted it some time after I graduated and have no regrets whatsoever.
As for the part 2. You came to the same realization as I did when I was 17! At this point my health gotten so bad I wasn't able get out of bed most of the time and pain I was experiencing was at constant 7/10 (sometimes it would drop to 5/10 for few hours on better days). I won't be getting into much detail cause this comment is long enough as it is. In short I've been to psychologists, psychiatrist, neurologs, even got to the best neurological hospital in the country. No one was able to help. From what I know most people in this situation would give up and got suicidal but for some reason even with this constant psychological and physical torment that was going strong for years at this point I for some reason didn't. My mom pointed it out and because I was bedridden over half the time I've had time to think about it and pretty quickly I figured it out. It It was browsing art. Lots and lots of tiny joys from looking at them. Just enough to get through those hard days. Helped me find my purpose too! I want to repay this community by contributing myself. Even if months of my work will improve one persons mood even for a second It was worth the effort :3
Also don't worry, after 8 years I found one of the best psychiatrist in the country and he found something that at least somewhat works on me in a year. Doing noticeably better now