It's that time of the year. That reminder of what was and betrayal. I felt it in my bones and a song came through the void.

I don't have much in my life. Don't have a good talent, don't have an extraordinary knowledge of something to build a life off of. I'm not a bright blossoming centerpiece, not much more than a wallflower, something to add color to the room but blend into the picture.


Hand on my mouth, I shouldn't have said it
Gave you a chance, already regret it
Trying so hard to be sympathetic
But I know where it's gonna go if I let it
And I let it

Knowing you're hiding what no one else sees
Close-lipped smile 'cause there's blood on your teeth
What you forget you are gonna repeat
You don't get to make amends like your hand's still clean

But that's why I feel such a strong connection and due to the universe. That a small dragon like me has such a powerful heart still despite it all. That can see it all and give so much because of it despite how little ever comes back usually.

And that's why I have confidence in when someone like the person of my yearly mourn here is as this song says: Stained. It came out this month and came to me just when it needed to, as every song I love does. Music finds me when I need it. Music is there for me, builds me, loves me when I'm down. Tells me what I need to hear.

Sweat in your hands while the time starts ticking
Sweat in your hands while the time starts ticking
Tripping on words, alibi starts slipping
Tripping on words, alibi starts slipping
Wanna wake from the nightmare you've been living
Wanna wake from the nightmare you've been living
But we both know forgotten doesn't mean forgiven
Doesn't mean forgiven
Forgiven

I don't cry about what happened anymore. I put my notion of crying into a bottle on a shelf. I don't have the luxury of crying over it anymore.
It's like pulling down a bitter smelling candle to take the scent of and briefly go back for a moment. Remember, regret, cry; then put it back in the bottle. My little storm in a bottle.

But as time has gone on its become its own blended in background item. And I know I'm not the one who carries that weight either. There are stains, scars, one has for their actions. The things you do to others, words you break. And the fact that the universe always comes for me with a voice through music when I need it, is my proof enough.

I don't wash away.

And someday
Knowing you're hiding what no one else sees
And someday
Close-lipped smile over blood on your teeth
And someday
What you forget you are gonna repeat
Trying to make amends like your hand's still clean
But we both know that your hand's not clean

And someday
Your hands will be too red to hide the blame
You'll realize you had it coming
Pretend you're spotless
But I don't wash away
And now you're stained
And now you're stained
And now you're stained