school is going bad, and I'll leave in the near future. too many promises not kept, too many things said that didn't mean anything. I trusted the wrong person.
I'll wait until a meeting, which will probably going to be pretty awful. I'll find a job and continue my studies elsewhere, somewhere more expensive, but also so much more prestigious, so to speak. I almost wasted a year.

once more I feel like the seasonal moodswing is something that exists and not like something my brain tries to convince me of to make me feel worse, it works regardless.

no matter how much I try I seem I can't fit anywhere, no matter the group, the community, how big or small, how welcoming or not, I try to learn from each time I abandon one, from my own volition or not. it's obviously me, not the people around me, no one else, no one normal, has these issues. I feel so alienated, so distant, so lonely. like there's nothing but void outside, like my brain is programmed in an incompatible program language with anyone else. so many things that don't make sense to me, but I have to find a sense to them otherwise it'll just be problems.

I like the symbology of the razor blade, something you're supposed to use to shave, to, ideally, make yourself look better, you instead use it to destroy, to open your skin. the perversion/corruption of something positive. a concept I like.

I need to make myself a professional portfolio, it's about time I try to get some attention on me from the industry. but for that I need a tablet I can use to draw, and that costs money I can't use.

I want to do more trades.

I miss you Krosh.