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Sleep apnea.
9 months ago
The company in charge of my CPAP supplies has been refusing to fit me for a mask that won't blow air in my eyes. I've called them 6 times about it and waited over a month! If it's not resolved before the year is over, I'm filing a grievance against the company. lol
In the mean time, I'll try to make due with the uncomfortable mask whenever I can. Eventually, they have to honor my request for a set-up that's more useable.
I feel like I'm not doing enough, but I know a lot will change after I acclimate to proper treatment. This will give me more energy to work on art, practice guitar, and lose enough weight to get the surgery date for my hysterectomy.
I'm not really in art block or uninspired anymore, at least. My body just can't keep up with everything I want to make and do.
I feel like this weekend was healing for me. I mostly just rubbed trickster (Datura + Fly Agaric) ointment on my forehead, prayed, and painted. I don't have much finished work to show for my time, but I feel like it was time I thoroughly enjoyed nonetheless.
I hope everyone else is in a decent place mentally as well! ❤️
I forget if I mentioned this here, but there's a high chance I'll come into a car I can drive sometime after Christmas. My friend has an old one from 1998 he'll legally pass to me for ONE DOLLAR if I can afford to fix the alternator, register, and insure it. As soon as I'm driving, I'm going to secure a part time job so I can continue to afford car expenses.
I'm grateful to eventually regain some agency over my own life. Fingers crossed everything works out.
Other things I need to work on include my transgender name change and then my passport. To protect my interests and privacy, I am not going to be "Ezekiel Oleander" on my irl ID. This will remain an alias/pen name and if I ever do connect the civilian name to anything online, it'll be after I finish college. I will likely be class of 2030 for my "basic" stuff, then who knows how long it'll take for everything else.
I have to protect myself from those who don't want me to get my degree, grow as an artist, or immigrate to a better community. There are people with ill will towards me and that's why I have to be cautious and strategic.
Anyways, I still haven't spoke with a guidance counselor, but I imagine my educational funding will mostly go to classes about art, writing, etc. I know those hobbies don't pay the bills, but they feed my soul. That being said, I want a career.
I was thinking maybe something with translation, linguistics, or even teaching. I was curious about radiology but it doesn't seem realistic for someone with my set of challenges.
My grasp of language despite my brain injury is satisfying. Maybe after enough enrichment and practice, I'll write stories that end up selling well.
I'm planning to start at the University here in Albuquerque for the 'main' degree, then see if this one liberal arts college in Santa Fe will have me. They made it more affordable to people who live in poverty, so there's more hope in the regards of funding, at least.
After I'm all finished studying, I want to raise enough money to become a citizen overseas. I really don't feel proud to live in the USA. I have no idea where to settle down. It's gotta be somewhere I can at least still get vraylar and testosterone. I'm a mess without those meds.
That being said, I wish to see France, Spain, and Thailand. I have friends in France and one other local friend who is interested in leaving to Spain. We'll see what's most disability friendly, I guess.
I hope remarking on my plans doesn't seem like bragging. I had one ex 'friend' accuse me of that, but I think she just couldn't stand my sense of ambition tbh. I don't see what's offensive about sharing my dreams of things I'd actually like to achieve, but whatever.
I only want to associate with people who want me to be happy and reach my goals anyway.
Good riddance to her.
In the mean time, I'll try to make due with the uncomfortable mask whenever I can. Eventually, they have to honor my request for a set-up that's more useable.
I feel like I'm not doing enough, but I know a lot will change after I acclimate to proper treatment. This will give me more energy to work on art, practice guitar, and lose enough weight to get the surgery date for my hysterectomy.
I'm not really in art block or uninspired anymore, at least. My body just can't keep up with everything I want to make and do.
I feel like this weekend was healing for me. I mostly just rubbed trickster (Datura + Fly Agaric) ointment on my forehead, prayed, and painted. I don't have much finished work to show for my time, but I feel like it was time I thoroughly enjoyed nonetheless.
I hope everyone else is in a decent place mentally as well! ❤️
I forget if I mentioned this here, but there's a high chance I'll come into a car I can drive sometime after Christmas. My friend has an old one from 1998 he'll legally pass to me for ONE DOLLAR if I can afford to fix the alternator, register, and insure it. As soon as I'm driving, I'm going to secure a part time job so I can continue to afford car expenses.
I'm grateful to eventually regain some agency over my own life. Fingers crossed everything works out.
Other things I need to work on include my transgender name change and then my passport. To protect my interests and privacy, I am not going to be "Ezekiel Oleander" on my irl ID. This will remain an alias/pen name and if I ever do connect the civilian name to anything online, it'll be after I finish college. I will likely be class of 2030 for my "basic" stuff, then who knows how long it'll take for everything else.
I have to protect myself from those who don't want me to get my degree, grow as an artist, or immigrate to a better community. There are people with ill will towards me and that's why I have to be cautious and strategic.
Anyways, I still haven't spoke with a guidance counselor, but I imagine my educational funding will mostly go to classes about art, writing, etc. I know those hobbies don't pay the bills, but they feed my soul. That being said, I want a career.
I was thinking maybe something with translation, linguistics, or even teaching. I was curious about radiology but it doesn't seem realistic for someone with my set of challenges.
My grasp of language despite my brain injury is satisfying. Maybe after enough enrichment and practice, I'll write stories that end up selling well.
I'm planning to start at the University here in Albuquerque for the 'main' degree, then see if this one liberal arts college in Santa Fe will have me. They made it more affordable to people who live in poverty, so there's more hope in the regards of funding, at least.
After I'm all finished studying, I want to raise enough money to become a citizen overseas. I really don't feel proud to live in the USA. I have no idea where to settle down. It's gotta be somewhere I can at least still get vraylar and testosterone. I'm a mess without those meds.
That being said, I wish to see France, Spain, and Thailand. I have friends in France and one other local friend who is interested in leaving to Spain. We'll see what's most disability friendly, I guess.
I hope remarking on my plans doesn't seem like bragging. I had one ex 'friend' accuse me of that, but I think she just couldn't stand my sense of ambition tbh. I don't see what's offensive about sharing my dreams of things I'd actually like to achieve, but whatever.
I only want to associate with people who want me to be happy and reach my goals anyway.
Good riddance to her.
