Long overdue thoughts...
11 months ago
Hey there! ^.=.^
I don't know really where to start... My mind is a kind of chaos right now, filled with 1000+1 thoughts, so sorry if this journal will be a bit of chaos too. But one thing among these thoughts probably was the strongest.
Which is... I will (already did) close my commissions website with publising my websites' next version, and with that I won't make any commissions for now (not like anyone was ever interested). I made this decision, since I kind of lost the will to make drawings, except for making new characters. This doesn't mean I won't make other than new characters from time to time, no. This means I have to close towards making commissions, since I don't want to be another artist, that makes 1000+1 adobtables and their profile is full with that, that's not me. I want to focus on my stories, and on other, personal things. So because of the stories, you might understand why I still love making new characters.
About the free raffle, that was won by OurFavDolphin, and about other gifts, that I promised to make... I don't know yet if everybody, who I owe a drawing (or a stroy), thanks to my promises, will hate me. But I don't think I can make them at all. Time to time, when I try to draw them, my will drops as soon as I open sai to make some progress. You can call me a liar, a loser, a failure, since that's what I am... I promised something, even years ago, just to cancel it now. I'm sorry for that. But if I want to get better mentally, I have to reduce the pressure, the stress level on myself.
I don't really know if there's any other things that I wanted to write down, since the other thoughts that I have right now are not really making any complete sentences, I don't really know how to write down this properly... But yeah... Mental health first, then the others.
Which is... I will (already did) close my commissions website with publising my websites' next version, and with that I won't make any commissions for now (not like anyone was ever interested). I made this decision, since I kind of lost the will to make drawings, except for making new characters. This doesn't mean I won't make other than new characters from time to time, no. This means I have to close towards making commissions, since I don't want to be another artist, that makes 1000+1 adobtables and their profile is full with that, that's not me. I want to focus on my stories, and on other, personal things. So because of the stories, you might understand why I still love making new characters.
About the free raffle, that was won by OurFavDolphin, and about other gifts, that I promised to make... I don't know yet if everybody, who I owe a drawing (or a stroy), thanks to my promises, will hate me. But I don't think I can make them at all. Time to time, when I try to draw them, my will drops as soon as I open sai to make some progress. You can call me a liar, a loser, a failure, since that's what I am... I promised something, even years ago, just to cancel it now. I'm sorry for that. But if I want to get better mentally, I have to reduce the pressure, the stress level on myself.
I don't really know if there's any other things that I wanted to write down, since the other thoughts that I have right now are not really making any complete sentences, I don't really know how to write down this properly... But yeah... Mental health first, then the others.
Kazazhan
~jockey12321
The most important thing is your health, please take care of yourself hun, nobody will judge
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