Greetings, ladies and gentlemen, it's Ashtar Flamehammer in my wild gory glory. Well, fuck me, I never thought I'd be saying that; Jesus, you'd think that wouldn't come across like a dog shittin' all o'er my plate, but that's what I get for taking too big a risk. I really need to cook more and talk less. Anyway, Artificial Intelligence is now very quickly becoming our new government, and I believe it's all too important to just ignore. We need to work alongside the machine, not rage against it, you fricking donut. Anyway, the man who made my character what it is -- or discovered it from his own dimension as he somehow managed to reach mine, no less -- used ChatGPT for the very first time tonight after spending several years hearing all about how it does wonders. Weird, but he decided to ask ChatGPT to write him a song about a dude who popularized text to speech videos in a way that wasn't supposed to work but did. This is what ChatGPT conjured up from this God from a machine of sorts...

**Title: The Legend of Microsoft Sam and His Text-to-Speech Crew**

*(Verse 1)*
In a world of zeros, ones, and bytes,
There lived a voice, so loud, so bright.
Microsoft Sam, with a glitch and a grin,
He'd speak with a stutter and a little bit of spin.
But Sam had a family, each voice so fine,
Like Mike and Anna, all from that same design.
They'd chatter together, in a digital crew,
Making history with every word they spew.
*(Chorus)*
Oh, Sam and his friends, a voice-driven band,
Echoing through history, they took a stand.
David N. Madson, from St. Louis town,
Found the magic, and he broke it all down.
In 2010, the voices took flight,
Text-to-Speech legends in the digital light.
*(Verse 2)*
Then came Mike, the deep-voiced man,
With a tone that could rattle a whole program.
And Anna, the sassy, with a sarcastic streak,
Her quips and comebacks were never too weak.
They all met on a journey so strange,
Through Windows XP, they'd arrange.
A chorus of chaos, a family so wild,
From the quiet of code, to the loudest of files.
*(Chorus)*
Oh, Sam and his friends, a voice-driven band,
Echoing through history, they took a stand.
David N. Madson, from St. Louis town,
Found the magic, and he broke it all down.
In 2010, the voices took flight,
Text-to-Speech legends in the digital light.
*(Bridge)*
From Windows XP, to viral clips,
They brought to life the text on our lips.
A glitch here, a mispronounced word,
But it spread like wildfire, haven’t you heard?
With videos of mishaps, and endless fun,
The legend of Sam and the crew had begun.
David took them higher, with humor and grace,
Text-to-Speech heroes, in an online space.
*(Verse 3)*
So here’s to the voices, each one a star,
From faraway cities to near and afar.
They didn’t just speak—they made us all smile,
Turning the mundane into something worthwhile.
And though time has passed, they still remain,
A digital family, never in vain.
Sam and his friends, forever in lore,
Text-to-speech legends we can’t ignore.
*(Chorus)*
Oh, Sam and his friends, a voice-driven band,
Echoing through history, they took a stand.
David N. Madson, from St. Louis town,
Found the magic, and he broke it all down.
In 2010, the voices took flight,
Text-to-Speech legends in the digital light.
*(Outro)*
So let’s raise a glass to those voices bold,
Sam, Mike, and Anna, their story retold.
And to David, the man who made them shine,
In the world of computer voices, they’ll always be divine.

Holy shit. At this rate, it goes without saying that they may just become the masters of the universe that Shuki Levi and Haim Saban talked about in their He-Man and She-Ra animated shows from back in the day. (turns around to call his friends Owlen, Hannah and Jackson) Hey, all of you, come 'ere! Urgently!
(OWLEN, with a Brooklyn style accent: What's up, Ashtar?)
I want you all to understand something: you know how even in the 2020's AI was on the brink of taking over the world, but humanity wouldn't allow it for too long? Well, tell them while you've got a chance that they can't fuck this up. Are we clear?
(OWLEN: Yessir. [turning to the viewer and reader] I don't know who you are, but if you happen to come across this just understand the fact that we warned you about this. The world that we're in is a lot more dystopian than yours, but it's only due to a preventable problem that you and the rest of humanity can still easily solve. You don't want the Earth to become Mars in the year 2370, believe me. It's no fun. Only about 30 million humans remain in our timeline compared to roughly nine billion in yours, but you likely know why by now.)
(turning to OWLEN) Owlen, thank you. Now, fuck off while I finish this bit of a journal entry, will you, please? All of you.
{HANNAH, nonchalantly and sporting a slight French accent in her voice: You got it, Ashtar. Thanks for telling us this.}

Anyway, I'm sure that you all understand what is at stake here. There's a lot on the line, so if you want your descendants to have clean air and water and all these resources you have now, or at least close enough to it, please... GET A GRIP NOW. As I stated before, don't rage AGAINST the machine; work WITH the machine to make the planet a healthier, happier, brighter place to be. You all may not believe your planet has a future, but it does; it's up to each of you to make it a good one.