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Existential crisis, Housing situation, and moving forward
10 months ago
A lot has happened in just a month alone.
I'm in-between living with my divorced parents while they begin to discuss a plan for my future and a proper living situation.
Long story short, I've been stuck in one place for 7+ years with no means of personal transportation, no long-term goals, and no real motivation. My mental health has been slowly declining, and I've never really tried to even learn who I want to be, let alone what I want to do in the world.
I'm 25 currently, and I'll be 26 in May, but my parents understood that they needed to act now to get me out and find my roots, because I never would have willingly on my own.
These past few weeks have been rough, I won't deny. But I am relieved that I am free from being trapped in what was essentialy a toxic environment that I couldn't escape from. Despite this, I am absolutely terrified of what the future brings, and I'm realizing now more than ever that I am going from a place of complacency, to fighting an uphill battle every day. The shock of it is almost too much, and I'm glad my parents are trying to ease me in instead of taking drastic measures.
I deal with a myriad of mental health issues, but by far the most debilitating is my bipolar disorder. I've never truly felt that I can ever pursue what I want because my dreams and ambitions are created during episodes of mania, and when the time comes to act upon them, a wave of depression hits and I lose all motivation. This is a cycle that has gotten in the way of my plans time and time again, and it's the most frustrating thing in the world to never be able to trust yourself to have dreams and motivations because one day you'll give them all up on a whim.
I've been taking different medications since as long as I can remember, but nothing has truly helped for long. I've been on too many different ones that I cannot remember them all.
I think it's in my best interest to take a break to recuperate and figure out a plan of action from here on. I'm uncertain what the future will bring, but I need to try to stay positive and learn to create and maintain a sense of self that I never truly had. I'm going to shelve the motifs and characters I have for now, just for my own sake. I'm not getting rid of them, so don't worry.
I'm in-between living with my divorced parents while they begin to discuss a plan for my future and a proper living situation.
Long story short, I've been stuck in one place for 7+ years with no means of personal transportation, no long-term goals, and no real motivation. My mental health has been slowly declining, and I've never really tried to even learn who I want to be, let alone what I want to do in the world.
I'm 25 currently, and I'll be 26 in May, but my parents understood that they needed to act now to get me out and find my roots, because I never would have willingly on my own.
These past few weeks have been rough, I won't deny. But I am relieved that I am free from being trapped in what was essentialy a toxic environment that I couldn't escape from. Despite this, I am absolutely terrified of what the future brings, and I'm realizing now more than ever that I am going from a place of complacency, to fighting an uphill battle every day. The shock of it is almost too much, and I'm glad my parents are trying to ease me in instead of taking drastic measures.
I deal with a myriad of mental health issues, but by far the most debilitating is my bipolar disorder. I've never truly felt that I can ever pursue what I want because my dreams and ambitions are created during episodes of mania, and when the time comes to act upon them, a wave of depression hits and I lose all motivation. This is a cycle that has gotten in the way of my plans time and time again, and it's the most frustrating thing in the world to never be able to trust yourself to have dreams and motivations because one day you'll give them all up on a whim.
I've been taking different medications since as long as I can remember, but nothing has truly helped for long. I've been on too many different ones that I cannot remember them all.
I think it's in my best interest to take a break to recuperate and figure out a plan of action from here on. I'm uncertain what the future will bring, but I need to try to stay positive and learn to create and maintain a sense of self that I never truly had. I'm going to shelve the motifs and characters I have for now, just for my own sake. I'm not getting rid of them, so don't worry.
