So I have not been too active here lately, or for years really to be fair, but recently I learned the reason I have been so unmotivated for so long, I have finally found that the reason I wasn't getting any satisfaction from my work is because I am suffering from something called anhedonia, a side effect of depression which means I am unable to feel pleasure or enjoyment in anything I do, which if you have talked to me at any point I think might make sense to you and explain why I might have seemed uninterested in conversations.

The good news about this, is after learning about this and talking to the right people I have been getting it treated, and it has been working I have been more normal now than I have felt in years, and feeling a lot of old feelings, I thought was gone, starting to return slowly but strongly. now I can't say this means I am going to be super active now because I still have some things to work on and sort out, but I think there is a much higher chance now, finally being able to express myself in the ways I always wanted too