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Life and Future
7 months ago
So, you may be wondering where the heck I've been or what the heck I've been up to all this time. In short, a lot. A lot has happened that kept me away from making the things I wanted, and when I have the time, I'm too dissatisfied to post it here. But I never abandoned my post or gave up trying. I simply spent time doing other things, like writing code, composing music, getting invested in games, exploring other communities out of my comfort zone, and trying to live as an adult. The long story is below.
Unfortunately, my life isn't ready for independence yet. Though I've matured a little mentally and physically through community volunteering, I am still unable to find a job since college graduation almost 7 years ago. I am not on welfare or disability (for unchecked mental health issues that I'll get into later), and at this point in this current political climate, that may well never be an option.
I think I have ADHD. No, I'm certain I do, but I'm not yet diagnosed. I may have other things like OCD, SAD, or some mild form of depression. Truth is, I don't know what's exactly wrong with me. I can recall moments in my life where they can only be explained as mental health crises. Things like sudden mood swings, irritability, fidgeting, executive dysfunction, high self-awareness to the point I've created an "insane joker" sub-persona... yeah, it's been a roller coaster for me, emotionally. Politics and news have done so much damage to my temperament.
So, just been on the down low for a while. Trying to keep my mind and body active through problem-solving and exercise. Minecraft consumes my life, currently. I kinda just kept living in the moment, going from one hyperfixation to the next, or just doing things on a whim. Man there's only so much I can do in one day, and I feel the days get shorter as I get older. Sometimes I wish time would stop so I could take a long overdue break, without guilting myself about not spending that time being productive. I have so, so many long-term projects, that it feels like this one lifetime won't be enough. But I'm a sore loser that hates to give up, especially on things I'm passionate about. So if you know the struggle of time slipping away, you know how I feel.
Alright now that that's all off my chest, let's discuss the future of my FA space. First off, my gallery could use some spring cleaning. It's hardly changed since when I started setting it up in 2016. I've got unused or barely used folders, things that I really shouldn't have public that search engines and web scrapers are picking up on, and very little actual SFW material on my page. I've even got a reputation in some paw-centered circles as "that skyrim foot guy" which is endearing but also kinda telling of the lack of competition in this niche lol. (shoutout to
barlu and 
kixihrph for contributing)
When I get back into seriously uploading again, I don't want to spam the website with lots of angles and low-effort SFM garbage. I'm too self-conscious about SFM's faults and my own skill issue that I'm taking big steps towards righting my wrongs in regards to quantity and quality. For a start, I am working on Alduin and the other dragons' models in Blender, using the game's original models ported directly (rather than some asset pack for SFM I got online). There is still a lot of work to be done before they are ready for release, but you may have already seen some of the new features I added.
The one-upload per submission limit is frustrating, but it forces me to think a little more about which items I want to curate. I feel that for the 5 to 11+ renders I make of a single scene it is not only cumbersome to submit each time, but detrimental to the viewer's experience, who has to navigate to each submission in series to favorite and download. Other places like Bluesky and Itaku allow multi-media posts, which is great if you have alts that you want to upload in batch. Since I usually make a lot more alts than any of these places can handle in one post, I should consider putting it all up into a folder on MEGA so that it's easiest to download the whole set. But the main place you can find what I've posted is on Discord. Everything from WIPs to behind-the-scenes to exclusive extras are usually posted in my Discord server.
I want to be clear that I still do not and will never start a patreon, ko-fi, gumroad, whatever paywall for my content. I want all my content to be freely available, always. You can find all my content here or other socials.
My top priorities are as follows:
- Deleting old and unused folders, restructuring my active folders
- Going through all my submissions, moving outdated renders to scraps, changing tags, adding attribution, and making paw stuff mature instead of general
- Cleaning up my journals in case google decides it wants to leak this account in searches for my professional self
- Updating the FA Blacklist now that submission previews include tags
Mid priority, for when I'm ready:
- Catch-up on uploading my backlog of content
- Make a signature for my renders (so people know where to find more of my stuff)
- Release updated models for SFM (this comes after my blender work is finished)
Lowest priority, still not totally on board yet:
- Change my profile pic and/or name (or make an alt account for SFW stuff)
- Create OCs (why not?)
alright that's all bye bye I love you mwah
Life & Things
Unfortunately, my life isn't ready for independence yet. Though I've matured a little mentally and physically through community volunteering, I am still unable to find a job since college graduation almost 7 years ago. I am not on welfare or disability (for unchecked mental health issues that I'll get into later), and at this point in this current political climate, that may well never be an option.
I think I have ADHD. No, I'm certain I do, but I'm not yet diagnosed. I may have other things like OCD, SAD, or some mild form of depression. Truth is, I don't know what's exactly wrong with me. I can recall moments in my life where they can only be explained as mental health crises. Things like sudden mood swings, irritability, fidgeting, executive dysfunction, high self-awareness to the point I've created an "insane joker" sub-persona... yeah, it's been a roller coaster for me, emotionally. Politics and news have done so much damage to my temperament.
So, just been on the down low for a while. Trying to keep my mind and body active through problem-solving and exercise. Minecraft consumes my life, currently. I kinda just kept living in the moment, going from one hyperfixation to the next, or just doing things on a whim. Man there's only so much I can do in one day, and I feel the days get shorter as I get older. Sometimes I wish time would stop so I could take a long overdue break, without guilting myself about not spending that time being productive. I have so, so many long-term projects, that it feels like this one lifetime won't be enough. But I'm a sore loser that hates to give up, especially on things I'm passionate about. So if you know the struggle of time slipping away, you know how I feel.
Future of This Account
Alright now that that's all off my chest, let's discuss the future of my FA space. First off, my gallery could use some spring cleaning. It's hardly changed since when I started setting it up in 2016. I've got unused or barely used folders, things that I really shouldn't have public that search engines and web scrapers are picking up on, and very little actual SFW material on my page. I've even got a reputation in some paw-centered circles as "that skyrim foot guy" which is endearing but also kinda telling of the lack of competition in this niche lol. (shoutout to
barlu and 
kixihrph for contributing)When I get back into seriously uploading again, I don't want to spam the website with lots of angles and low-effort SFM garbage. I'm too self-conscious about SFM's faults and my own skill issue that I'm taking big steps towards righting my wrongs in regards to quantity and quality. For a start, I am working on Alduin and the other dragons' models in Blender, using the game's original models ported directly (rather than some asset pack for SFM I got online). There is still a lot of work to be done before they are ready for release, but you may have already seen some of the new features I added.
The one-upload per submission limit is frustrating, but it forces me to think a little more about which items I want to curate. I feel that for the 5 to 11+ renders I make of a single scene it is not only cumbersome to submit each time, but detrimental to the viewer's experience, who has to navigate to each submission in series to favorite and download. Other places like Bluesky and Itaku allow multi-media posts, which is great if you have alts that you want to upload in batch. Since I usually make a lot more alts than any of these places can handle in one post, I should consider putting it all up into a folder on MEGA so that it's easiest to download the whole set. But the main place you can find what I've posted is on Discord. Everything from WIPs to behind-the-scenes to exclusive extras are usually posted in my Discord server.
I want to be clear that I still do not and will never start a patreon, ko-fi, gumroad, whatever paywall for my content. I want all my content to be freely available, always. You can find all my content here or other socials.
Plans
My top priorities are as follows:
- Deleting old and unused folders, restructuring my active folders
- Going through all my submissions, moving outdated renders to scraps, changing tags, adding attribution, and making paw stuff mature instead of general
- Cleaning up my journals in case google decides it wants to leak this account in searches for my professional self
- Updating the FA Blacklist now that submission previews include tags
Mid priority, for when I'm ready:
- Catch-up on uploading my backlog of content
- Make a signature for my renders (so people know where to find more of my stuff)
- Release updated models for SFM (this comes after my blender work is finished)
Lowest priority, still not totally on board yet:
- Change my profile pic and/or name (or make an alt account for SFW stuff)
- Create OCs (why not?)
alright that's all bye bye I love you mwah
Personally I'd encourage you to keep uploading various different renders here, though if you want to move them out of your main gallery, that's totally reasonable. I see many artists post alts to Scraps or just move them into a subfolder immediately.