Hey everyone. This journal might be my most important, serious and hard journal yet. It's hard but i prefer to be honest. Don't worry, i don't plan to quite or delete my gallery but i gonna be honest and get it off here. Will do a big vent, some honesty and other stuffs. Pls read and don't post rude comment.

So i'm a men, and got Autism Asperger, ADHD, OCD, Anxiety, and probably other stuffs.
I endured lot of bullying in school and endured some rough moments. I got some problem with my physics and i got self esteems issues and problem with my physical shape.
When i was in highschool, one of my best friends, if not, my best friend, commited suicide. And his parents never shared his letters, so to this day, i don't have a closure or know why he did this. I did my grief, but i'm still deeply affected by it. That traumatised me, and with my already introvert nature, i'm deeply scared to go toward people, cause i'm scared to love and get close to people. I'm scared that i'm not good enough, or that they will hurt me somehow.
But i went with the flows. Trying to do stuffs, even tho with my problems, trying to find motivations to do stuffs.
But i got low energy and big procrastinations problems. And i even comtemplated doing the unthikable. Multiple times.

For sometimes now, i've been feeling, really bad. I've been a bit bad for the last years, but those last months. It got worse.
I went to my doctor and psy and i got diagnosed. I got clinical Depression.
With my already neurodivergent brain, my depression made things even worse (got holes in my brain, even more problems sleeping or concentrating or doing anythings, always feeling like shit and bad about anything)

I accepted that i'm not okay. So i'm going to get interned in a hospital for sometimes, to get healed and support.
I will also take a hiatus from porn and social medias. And will limit my posts until a determined. I will answer to message and note. But gonna take sometimes to myself.

I do not know how long will it takes. I don't know how it's gonna turn out but i will try to get better. And come back as a new me.

I apologize to all the people i might have hurt, make feel bad or cold and to all the chances i missed or friendship i neglected. I'm sorry.

To all the people that feel bad and isn't doing okay. Please, i know it's hard. But go see a doctor. A good one. Find someone and talk. And be better and get help. What i endure, i do not wish it on anyone. Please, take care of yourself.

That is all. I might udapte this journal.

See you all, everyone. Take care. :)