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7 months ago
Hello. It’s been such a long time. I’m not dead, I’m here.
I haven’t had internet access for the past 4 years because in a moment of zeal for Jesus I threw away my computer. Dissatisfied with how much time I felt like I was wasting, how much more I wish I could pour into something with real value. I would spend many, many hours playing games, watching YouTube, looking at porn and masturbating. It was just unhealthy and not good. I wanted to be good, and I wanted to show Jesus I really did love Him and wanted Him at the forefront of my heart and life. I don’t regret it, because I’ve done so much beauty after really being serious about living life.
Though, reflecting about how I disappeared without explanation and that to many of you here who sincerely cared about me it was heartless and selfish. I should have at least told you. You knew I had kidney failure and was put on dialysis, so it could’ve been assumed that I passed away. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.
I had a lot of hurt from this community. Stupid, childish dramas with individuals. I don’t care about it any more and I’ve forgiven and moved on. But I, myself was very immature and foolish, too. I acted very evil, especially to those still supported me.
I don’t think I’m “back”, as an artist. I still don’t have a computer, so I haven’t been making digital art or music. But this is just to say I’m still here and I’m sorry. I hope we can be friends again.
I haven’t had internet access for the past 4 years because in a moment of zeal for Jesus I threw away my computer. Dissatisfied with how much time I felt like I was wasting, how much more I wish I could pour into something with real value. I would spend many, many hours playing games, watching YouTube, looking at porn and masturbating. It was just unhealthy and not good. I wanted to be good, and I wanted to show Jesus I really did love Him and wanted Him at the forefront of my heart and life. I don’t regret it, because I’ve done so much beauty after really being serious about living life.
Though, reflecting about how I disappeared without explanation and that to many of you here who sincerely cared about me it was heartless and selfish. I should have at least told you. You knew I had kidney failure and was put on dialysis, so it could’ve been assumed that I passed away. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.
I had a lot of hurt from this community. Stupid, childish dramas with individuals. I don’t care about it any more and I’ve forgiven and moved on. But I, myself was very immature and foolish, too. I acted very evil, especially to those still supported me.
I don’t think I’m “back”, as an artist. I still don’t have a computer, so I haven’t been making digital art or music. But this is just to say I’m still here and I’m sorry. I hope we can be friends again.
I wasn’t expecting anything when I made this post. Actually, I expected nothing. Like throwing a paper plane into the wind hoping for a reply. But it’s so sweet of you to come with your kind words. Thank you.
My best friend got the news of kidneys degrading fast. We're not yet at the dialysis stage, but what a game changer it was when we heard the news. It's such a silent killer which sneaks up on you.
Anyway, glad you're not dead yet and I hope you're finding still in something.
I also have sickle cell disease which is probably what caused the kidney failure. I’ve been on dialysis for 8 years now but it’s Hod that has kept me alive and strong. But certainly I had to make changes to how I was living when the diagnosis came. It is hard. But I’m hopeful.
Though, with the stress of life bearing 🐻 down on me, it was very useful to give myself space from this community to focus on myself.
With all that being said, I really am so happy to see you again, to hear from you. I hope you’ve been well; Succeeding.
Appearently you managed to grow as a person, which i deem a good thing.
Do what brings you joy, that is good for your health.
And to love your neighbour as yourself. I have found loss, and i have found love.
And the lesson to have love for yourself, to then spread it to others was difficult, but worth.
I wish for you to reach your goals, as i reached mine.
And I have been through a lot. But I feel like I have the direction in my life to know what Ike striving for and the determination to see it through. Jesus has been my strength and I’m so grateful for His love.
I miss making art, though. Drawing and making music was so fun. I always have concepts swimming in my head but no outlet. Just have to be patient, that season of creativity will come again.
I’m much better. The best I’ve ever been. I’m a brand new man and I’m strong enough to support others. I have a friend in my Lord, Jesus and every day is a gift. 🐻
Thanks, bear. I hope you have been well!
/delurking comment/
I'm glad to hear you seem to be doing okay, and I wish you the best in the future! :D