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An Explanation
5 years ago
I have prayed about a question on my heart for a long time now. Whether it is better to: (A) Be upfront about my workings in Christ, giving my full testimony. or (B) conceal all the things I do in obedience to God, keeping my works only between Him and me. With A, I fear I would be praised for all the good I'm doing, and that would make me arrogant. With B, I know I would be patient unto death, for when God reveals all things done in secret, understanding that everyone will one day know the things I do regardless. And that I would have a treasure for myself in heaven for the act of faith. But God has given me an answer: Be open, honest, and outright with all my dealings.
You see, If I did continue with B, then I would only be benefitting myself, but with A, others would be able to use my testimony as an example for themselves, and through that, I would be strengthening my brothers and sisters. God is more powerful than my ego, and I can appeal to him to humble my heart if I start getting a big head. I fear so much about getting arrogant because I already have such a pride problem. I also know that some might see my actions as foolishness, and admittedly, I care a lot what people think of me and also fear being made fun of. But that's just another result of my pride. So, I just ask that you do not praise me, because I am just being obedient, and forgive me for foolishness you might see in me.
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For the past half year-or-so, I have been giving a large majority of my money to the homeless, poor, and needy. I get 780$ a month from SSI disability, and I'd say that I've been giving 60% of it away. In the past 3 months-or-so, I've been giving about 80%. But this January, I was given an extra 600$ from the stimulus. I spent 80$ on myself and I had given 1300$ to homeless people, in chunks of 20$ bills, and in forms of buying them food or anything else they ask for. (I refuse to buy them alcohol, smokes, or drugs.) I checked my balance right now and it's currently in the negative. But I was prepared to live in the street in this manner. I gave away my bike (my most loved possession), my clothes, my watch, my own blankets, anything else that I had that I could see a needy person lacking. It was, (and is) my desire to be able to give to others without any reservation, because that's how God gives to me. I spend a lot of my time talking with them, sharing the gospel when I can, but I try to listen to them most often. Many of them have become so dear to me. I am thankful and do not regret giving to those who have nothing.
I did all this knowing that I would not have enough to afford a place to live, even though I actually had enough at the start of the month. I began a diet of just bread and water to grow accustomed to eating meager. But I just think about all the homeless who are not nearly as blessed as me, living on the street regardless, and I knew that the money I lost was going to the best cause. I had (hot)food. I had shelter. I have my mind and I have my body. I am young and capable and strong. Most importantly, God loves me, is always watching, and I will only go to see him when he says it's time. He will not allow me to perish before my time and homelessness is not a death sentence. Whatever lost will be given back to me 10-thousandfold in heaven. Most importantly, if even just 1 person is saved through my charity, it's far more than worth it.
We all will lose everything we own on Earth. It is my desire that I am able to give absolutely everything back to God, before he takes it away forcefully. My wealth is now spread out among all of this city, and because of my action, I was able to raise up the lowest of the low. I am not at all ashamed of what I've done and I'd do it again given the chance. And God HAS given me another chance! I had resigned myself to the fate of homelessness, but God had a different, better plan. So now I will work in obedience in this path he has set me on.
[Proverbs 19:17] He that hath pity upon the poor lendeth unto the LORD; and that which he hath given will he pay him again.
[Psalm 112:9] They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor, their righteousness endures forever; their horn will be lifted high in honor.
[Proverbs 28:27] He that giveth unto the poor shall not lack: but he that hideth his eyes shall have many a curse.
God bless you all.
You see, If I did continue with B, then I would only be benefitting myself, but with A, others would be able to use my testimony as an example for themselves, and through that, I would be strengthening my brothers and sisters. God is more powerful than my ego, and I can appeal to him to humble my heart if I start getting a big head. I fear so much about getting arrogant because I already have such a pride problem. I also know that some might see my actions as foolishness, and admittedly, I care a lot what people think of me and also fear being made fun of. But that's just another result of my pride. So, I just ask that you do not praise me, because I am just being obedient, and forgive me for foolishness you might see in me.
---
For the past half year-or-so, I have been giving a large majority of my money to the homeless, poor, and needy. I get 780$ a month from SSI disability, and I'd say that I've been giving 60% of it away. In the past 3 months-or-so, I've been giving about 80%. But this January, I was given an extra 600$ from the stimulus. I spent 80$ on myself and I had given 1300$ to homeless people, in chunks of 20$ bills, and in forms of buying them food or anything else they ask for. (I refuse to buy them alcohol, smokes, or drugs.) I checked my balance right now and it's currently in the negative. But I was prepared to live in the street in this manner. I gave away my bike (my most loved possession), my clothes, my watch, my own blankets, anything else that I had that I could see a needy person lacking. It was, (and is) my desire to be able to give to others without any reservation, because that's how God gives to me. I spend a lot of my time talking with them, sharing the gospel when I can, but I try to listen to them most often. Many of them have become so dear to me. I am thankful and do not regret giving to those who have nothing.
I did all this knowing that I would not have enough to afford a place to live, even though I actually had enough at the start of the month. I began a diet of just bread and water to grow accustomed to eating meager. But I just think about all the homeless who are not nearly as blessed as me, living on the street regardless, and I knew that the money I lost was going to the best cause. I had (hot)food. I had shelter. I have my mind and I have my body. I am young and capable and strong. Most importantly, God loves me, is always watching, and I will only go to see him when he says it's time. He will not allow me to perish before my time and homelessness is not a death sentence. Whatever lost will be given back to me 10-thousandfold in heaven. Most importantly, if even just 1 person is saved through my charity, it's far more than worth it.
We all will lose everything we own on Earth. It is my desire that I am able to give absolutely everything back to God, before he takes it away forcefully. My wealth is now spread out among all of this city, and because of my action, I was able to raise up the lowest of the low. I am not at all ashamed of what I've done and I'd do it again given the chance. And God HAS given me another chance! I had resigned myself to the fate of homelessness, but God had a different, better plan. So now I will work in obedience in this path he has set me on.
[Proverbs 19:17] He that hath pity upon the poor lendeth unto the LORD; and that which he hath given will he pay him again.
[Psalm 112:9] They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor, their righteousness endures forever; their horn will be lifted high in honor.
[Proverbs 28:27] He that giveth unto the poor shall not lack: but he that hideth his eyes shall have many a curse.
God bless you all.
[John 12:25] He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal.
[Matthew 7:11] If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?
God is all-powerful and will provide all I need. I am not endangering myself, but placing myself further into the hands of God.
If you are helping people in need out of love then it is okay to spend with yourself!
Hope you are okay and God bless you!
Any amount of wealth given to the poor is worth me losing. I have been humbled enough to say that I do not deserve it more than them.
Look, I'm a Christian too. But your interpretations are self-destructive and putting you in peril. Reaching out and asking for help is not a sin! God is giving you the opportunity to call upon the kind hearts He has given to those who deeply want to show you compassion and love like Jesus, to deny it is far worse and dangerous than it is pious!
One thing you should keep in mind is to never do these things to put on a show for others. God rewards those that do these things in secret. (Matthew 6:1-4)
You do not need to work so hard to please the Lord. Dont forget, another way to help to poor is to use your gifts, energy and so forth. Money can help others but so can your efforts.
Please, take care of yourself and love yourself. You too are the Temple of God. Treat yourself with love and care because of the grateful God that lives within you.
Read the parable of the talents. You are the servant who hides your talent in the ground, keeping it safe, and keeping it for yourself. You keep your security and safety but you, yourself are the only one you benefit. I am the servant who traded with the talents I have been given, and even now, the wealth I gave is multiplying on itself because I gave it to the least. I have prolonged the life of many individuals as well as spread the gospel. Your philosophy might carry some weight if God left me to the streets, or even to die, but he did not. God is ever-faithful to his obedient children. You should have more faith in God.
You rebuking me for giving abundantly to the poor is the same spirit Judas had when he saw that Mary had dumped the expensive oil on Jesus's feet, washing them with her hair. It is not of Christ, and I'd say it's even of Satan.
Deliberately stripping yourself to shorten your own physical existence. That is a short leap from suicide.
You are in misled pursuit of false enlightenment. And you are causing harm to the lords creation.
Thou shoud not administer judgement over others, that is not meant for the living.
Please refrain from these practices and find your way to salvation for he and jesus love all of mankind.
I had a good friend who is with jesus by now, at the age of 28. He died of cancer.
But he had this way of explaining things with open eyes, not with fanatism. I wish the two could have talked.
M. Luther sayes, only sincere repantance will bring us closer to god. All this makes me sad.
Bottom line is, if giving up your wealth and possessions (to the point you know it's detrimental to your health) isn't all that important to get into heaven, then wouldn't your god applaud you're forward thinking in making something that can outlast you as an individual and help more people down the line even after you've past away?
Last week you posted that you were going to be homeless, and said you came in peace with it and I really felt for you as those things can happen in life, happened to me in the past, and I prayed for you at this point, for things to get better somehow. Then you said you had an extra month before that happens, and I said waw! Everything is still possible, and he still has a chance to get out of that situation somehow! I was happy for you!
But now you're saying that you've been basically giving away 95% of your money, shooting yourself in the foot all this time, and that you've wasted the last chance you've been given by simply giving up and throw everything away just to 'be patient unto death'? I'm honestly shocked by this right now.
Nothing justifies you to sacrifice everything, nothing requires you to mistreat yourself, and nothing on the earth can be spoken as a reason to simply give up on life itself, ESPECIALLY afterlife. You will not help anyone by being in the streets, and life out there is way harder than you think, especially if you have health problems. I'm not blaming you or anyone for what happening to you right now, but PLEASE, I'm begging you to revise your decision! Any man of faith would tell you the same!
Revise what decision? This whole post was explaining the things I already did. Since giving my money away, I've been given a month to find work, I found work. So now I have a place to live and work. It's a time to rejoice, not scream.
God had given you another chance, so make the best of it! I'm very happy for you <3
I really admire your kindness and faith. I completely understand your logic. But your mind, body and soul are all a system and when you poison one, you're damaging the rest of it. You have been slowly poisoning yourself by starving your body of a proper diet and cutting yourself off from resources you need to live. You have dedicated yourself to a higher power, and your generosity towards others is admirable, but you can't turn into a modern day martyr like this. This journal and the justification towards it reads exactly like someone who is trying to commit suicide.
Please, seek in-person, physical help. A therapist, a mental hospital, something. At the very least please consider talking to someone you trust in your congregation about all of this. There are other humans on this earth who can and will help YOU. There are other folks who operate out of selflessness to help the community, and you are just as much a part of the local community as them and the folks you help out.
I just refuse to believe that God gave you your life and your body, and now He wants you to destroy it in His name.
BUT what the person above is trying to say (along with a lot of other people) is that if you don't change the way you do things moving forward, this nightmare is sure to repeat itself and NO ONE WANTS THAT TO HAPPEN. Especially considering your roomie said that you still have to find another place to live, which WILL cost money, specially if you go the rent rout. So please, for your own sake and the people that worry about you, buckle down and be more fiscally responsible and if it's too hard to do so, get in touch with someone who can help with that. Also, therapy. Just go to therapy, it's not gonna hurt you.
While yes, you're helping others, remember that your body is a temple, and seems like you're not taking care of yourself properly