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Heavy Updates And Gratitude
5 months ago
HI!!! Been a while since i've done one of these!!! WOOOO
I was uh- originally supposed to post this on my birthday, Feb. 7th- but hey, at least i'm getting this out there now.
That aside, lots has been happening with me!
WORK: I was able to flex my work schedule to where it's significantly more comfortable, yay!! Still working a fair amount tho, 44-48 hours a week! Only days, no longer any nights!! Veeery nice change tbh. I'm still fairly miserable at my full-time job,, but I'm gonna keep pushing until I can land better!!
EUROPE: I also, survived my first Europe trip last year!!!! And I did have an alright time B) It's sooo different from my middle of nowhere American world,, but honestly, it's eye-opening to see just how different things are, as well as the similarities!!
PAST: I won't repeat everything said in my last life update journal but- 23, was a truly wonderful year of my life. Obtaining an alright full-time and semi-close to home job, as well as all my financial and personal accomplishments [more on that over here: https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10958171/ ], i'm, wondering how i'm gonna top it being 24..
RAMBLING/GOALS:
--
I do, very much look forward to travelling even more this year! I will be travelling to Europe twice this year, to meet 2 more of my closest confidents. Already got both trips booked/paid for!! 1st one comes up SUPER soon!!!~ Less than 2 weeks away!~ Can't fuggin WAIT AAAAAAAA- I really do love to travel, and it's even more amazing that i'll get to meet these really special people in my life. Maybe i'll look into becoming a travel agent someday? Would love to share the joys of travel with others, I do book my own trips!
Travel aside, i've come to the decision, that I will be going back to college as soon as possible. The field I plan to pursue is within the health sciences field, specialized and extremely competitive to get into, and tbh I am still very mixed about pursuing it given my interests. I'm going to try tho! As I would make approx. 2.5x-3x my current income.. hooooly... I am hopeful all goes well! May share more down the line as long as things work out! Otherwise I won't ramble on it too too much as everything's still being worked out hehe.
My main goal for this year tho, was to simply work a lot, and save up money to afford my very own space! I could afford to be on my own now honestly, but[t]- owning a house would be better than renting, I believe? Truthfully- If I go back to college it may have to be an apartment,, which would kinda be aaah to me cuz I do very much just want my own house,, but I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Life's so damn expensive nowadays.
I still live with my family right now. And I love my family! I'm very lucky and grateful to have them, it beats not being completely alone. Ftmp! I do very much prefer my privacy. (you can imagine why hehehe~) Am very much looking forward to my own place so I may invite some very lucky/special goobers over someday. I, don't really have friends outside of those i've made here! I desperately hope that more of you peoples, with similar interests, and a love for real life, can be in my real life someday. That would be the dream.
--
Tl;dr of the above:
My goals for the year - Travelling more, Going back to college, Making good money, Having own space/place, Making more real connections
With all that said and done...
This year didn't come without a cost. [Heavy talk incoming so skip this section if ya wanna avoid mental reflection!!]
MENTAL HEALTH:
--
I've noticed.. i'm not enjoying things like i used to enjoy. Specifically, gaming, and some other social relationships/aspect of how I handle social situations. I, have come to develop strong symptoms.. of depression. Now- I do believe i've put myself on a path towards combating it. And I am still able to be happy. But my anxiety and fears, have been fluctuating so severely lately. I hold on too strongly to my past, and it fills me with the feelings of regret. Like I could have done better... I also know. That in regretting, i'm not allowing myself to move on. What's in the past, is in the past. It happened. And it cannot be changed. What matters is the present, not the past, or the future. It's.. hard to say that with how painful the past is, or even the dark thoughts of what could happen in the future. Dark thoughts in general just keep working there ways to the forefront of my thoughts, it's exhausting, disabling really.. but i'm done with it. I will change this around. I will not allow my metal health to remain this shitty. I committed to betterhelp therapy! ..admittedly i'm deeply upset with that platform as it didn't do shit for me unfortunately lmao. I have however been listening to Huberman Lab and other self help podcasts. Some of them i've found to be very educational and extremely helpful for diverting my thoughts back to more positive places. In the end, it's all up to me, and how strongly I wish for these changes in my life. Finding answers is never easy. But all we can do, is do our best. So I will!
Another thing i've been struggling with lately, is social avoidance, and failure to deal with social conflict like I used to. I feel too afraid to face conflict with my socials. I still ghost people. And it is a painful feeling inside. One I can't seem to shake. I don't want to hurt people period, even if I don't like the person!! Truthfully, I don't like many people!!! That's the honest truth!!!! Maybe it's just me lacking social skills in general? There is no easy way to tell somebody you don't like them... so instead I ghost them. Avoid them. This often happens because I can't find a way to let the negative feelings that follow through dealing with it, pass through. They stay with me, almost haunting me. I need it to stop bothering me. Or rather, I need to stop it from bothering me. I need to find a way to become socially stronger. Tell people off. And just be honest, even if it's harsh. I feel like i'm answering my own dilemmas through typing this all here but- honestly i'm not sure I can push myself to start that. Back to researching I guess! I do enjoy and value mental health help. And although I am struggling, I do love myself. And who I will be once i've conquered these mean mean demons inside.
--
Tl;dr - I have developed depression :( but(t) I will persevere and overcome!! Love yourself
I enjoy this journey of life we're all on friends.
I hope and pray for the best alllll your ways my dear readers. Thank you all for reading or caring enough about this silly mint catboy, you can certainly expect aloooot more fun and love to come~
I was uh- originally supposed to post this on my birthday, Feb. 7th- but hey, at least i'm getting this out there now.
That aside, lots has been happening with me!
WORK: I was able to flex my work schedule to where it's significantly more comfortable, yay!! Still working a fair amount tho, 44-48 hours a week! Only days, no longer any nights!! Veeery nice change tbh. I'm still fairly miserable at my full-time job,, but I'm gonna keep pushing until I can land better!!
EUROPE: I also, survived my first Europe trip last year!!!! And I did have an alright time B) It's sooo different from my middle of nowhere American world,, but honestly, it's eye-opening to see just how different things are, as well as the similarities!!
PAST: I won't repeat everything said in my last life update journal but- 23, was a truly wonderful year of my life. Obtaining an alright full-time and semi-close to home job, as well as all my financial and personal accomplishments [more on that over here: https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10958171/ ], i'm, wondering how i'm gonna top it being 24..
RAMBLING/GOALS:
--
I do, very much look forward to travelling even more this year! I will be travelling to Europe twice this year, to meet 2 more of my closest confidents. Already got both trips booked/paid for!! 1st one comes up SUPER soon!!!~ Less than 2 weeks away!~ Can't fuggin WAIT AAAAAAAA- I really do love to travel, and it's even more amazing that i'll get to meet these really special people in my life. Maybe i'll look into becoming a travel agent someday? Would love to share the joys of travel with others, I do book my own trips!
Travel aside, i've come to the decision, that I will be going back to college as soon as possible. The field I plan to pursue is within the health sciences field, specialized and extremely competitive to get into, and tbh I am still very mixed about pursuing it given my interests. I'm going to try tho! As I would make approx. 2.5x-3x my current income.. hooooly... I am hopeful all goes well! May share more down the line as long as things work out! Otherwise I won't ramble on it too too much as everything's still being worked out hehe.
My main goal for this year tho, was to simply work a lot, and save up money to afford my very own space! I could afford to be on my own now honestly, but[t]- owning a house would be better than renting, I believe? Truthfully- If I go back to college it may have to be an apartment,, which would kinda be aaah to me cuz I do very much just want my own house,, but I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Life's so damn expensive nowadays.
I still live with my family right now. And I love my family! I'm very lucky and grateful to have them, it beats not being completely alone. Ftmp! I do very much prefer my privacy. (you can imagine why hehehe~) Am very much looking forward to my own place so I may invite some very lucky/special goobers over someday. I, don't really have friends outside of those i've made here! I desperately hope that more of you peoples, with similar interests, and a love for real life, can be in my real life someday. That would be the dream.
--
Tl;dr of the above:
My goals for the year - Travelling more, Going back to college, Making good money, Having own space/place, Making more real connections
With all that said and done...
This year didn't come without a cost. [Heavy talk incoming so skip this section if ya wanna avoid mental reflection!!]
MENTAL HEALTH:
--
I've noticed.. i'm not enjoying things like i used to enjoy. Specifically, gaming, and some other social relationships/aspect of how I handle social situations. I, have come to develop strong symptoms.. of depression. Now- I do believe i've put myself on a path towards combating it. And I am still able to be happy. But my anxiety and fears, have been fluctuating so severely lately. I hold on too strongly to my past, and it fills me with the feelings of regret. Like I could have done better... I also know. That in regretting, i'm not allowing myself to move on. What's in the past, is in the past. It happened. And it cannot be changed. What matters is the present, not the past, or the future. It's.. hard to say that with how painful the past is, or even the dark thoughts of what could happen in the future. Dark thoughts in general just keep working there ways to the forefront of my thoughts, it's exhausting, disabling really.. but i'm done with it. I will change this around. I will not allow my metal health to remain this shitty. I committed to betterhelp therapy! ..admittedly i'm deeply upset with that platform as it didn't do shit for me unfortunately lmao. I have however been listening to Huberman Lab and other self help podcasts. Some of them i've found to be very educational and extremely helpful for diverting my thoughts back to more positive places. In the end, it's all up to me, and how strongly I wish for these changes in my life. Finding answers is never easy. But all we can do, is do our best. So I will!
Another thing i've been struggling with lately, is social avoidance, and failure to deal with social conflict like I used to. I feel too afraid to face conflict with my socials. I still ghost people. And it is a painful feeling inside. One I can't seem to shake. I don't want to hurt people period, even if I don't like the person!! Truthfully, I don't like many people!!! That's the honest truth!!!! Maybe it's just me lacking social skills in general? There is no easy way to tell somebody you don't like them... so instead I ghost them. Avoid them. This often happens because I can't find a way to let the negative feelings that follow through dealing with it, pass through. They stay with me, almost haunting me. I need it to stop bothering me. Or rather, I need to stop it from bothering me. I need to find a way to become socially stronger. Tell people off. And just be honest, even if it's harsh. I feel like i'm answering my own dilemmas through typing this all here but- honestly i'm not sure I can push myself to start that. Back to researching I guess! I do enjoy and value mental health help. And although I am struggling, I do love myself. And who I will be once i've conquered these mean mean demons inside.
--
Tl;dr - I have developed depression :( but(t) I will persevere and overcome!! Love yourself
I enjoy this journey of life we're all on friends.
I hope and pray for the best alllll your ways my dear readers. Thank you all for reading or caring enough about this silly mint catboy, you can certainly expect aloooot more fun and love to come~
You deserved to have more love, buddy! ;w;
I'll try my best to be a good fren uwu