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April 2025 virtue of the unavailable
5 months ago
TLDR Mental grey zone I'm a bit tired and sick, oh and frustrated
It's feeling ironic thinking about that right as I've been craving some free time for the last two months and days are seemingly going out of their way to be cartoonishly tough, it's a total clown car crash at work at the moment. Irony might be a vector of truth or something, it's not the first time truth and a related realisation at least coincide and my tired mind sees a pattern that may or may not be there.
With that disclaimer out of the way it feels like "virtue" as a concept is a bit of a cope in itself but so be it; at least in regard to this topic it definitely is because I don't think it could ever be reasonably be considered as virtue. I was thinking about something lately of the NSFW variety. I was getting frustrated looking for something I'm interested in, NSFW-like -///-. Now I understand my tastes are rather niche, at least what really gets me. My experience was and still is, that seemingly, even (with my limited understanding) completely absurd things are more common than it. But this frustration is just that, a negative feeling due to being denied an addictive fix. In case you're ever curious it's part of why I draw as a hobby, because I couldn't find things I liked and I didn't grow up using the internet really, anyway. So no matter how incompetent I made my own. In retrospect it really has its advantages. Without delayed gratification you're like the fat humans from WallE. No matter where we're going as a species this is not enviable. There's an immense hurdle to get over before delayed gratification ceases to be the best option for happiness, and I'm not sure food availability will last long enough to move past it.
Deny yourself your fix for mental health and clarity would be my lukewarm advice but it's not entirely honest, I still wish I could get what I want, it's still cope. But the benefits still shine through
It's feeling ironic thinking about that right as I've been craving some free time for the last two months and days are seemingly going out of their way to be cartoonishly tough, it's a total clown car crash at work at the moment. Irony might be a vector of truth or something, it's not the first time truth and a related realisation at least coincide and my tired mind sees a pattern that may or may not be there.
With that disclaimer out of the way it feels like "virtue" as a concept is a bit of a cope in itself but so be it; at least in regard to this topic it definitely is because I don't think it could ever be reasonably be considered as virtue. I was thinking about something lately of the NSFW variety. I was getting frustrated looking for something I'm interested in, NSFW-like -///-. Now I understand my tastes are rather niche, at least what really gets me. My experience was and still is, that seemingly, even (with my limited understanding) completely absurd things are more common than it. But this frustration is just that, a negative feeling due to being denied an addictive fix. In case you're ever curious it's part of why I draw as a hobby, because I couldn't find things I liked and I didn't grow up using the internet really, anyway. So no matter how incompetent I made my own. In retrospect it really has its advantages. Without delayed gratification you're like the fat humans from WallE. No matter where we're going as a species this is not enviable. There's an immense hurdle to get over before delayed gratification ceases to be the best option for happiness, and I'm not sure food availability will last long enough to move past it.
Deny yourself your fix for mental health and clarity would be my lukewarm advice but it's not entirely honest, I still wish I could get what I want, it's still cope. But the benefits still shine through
On the other hand, some of these varied minds can be people saddled with downsides. The topic of delayed gratification just reminds me how much ADHD can be a struggle for a lot of people in the world, especially if someone isn't treated for it.
While that is a bit of a tangential thing, it just has my wondering about a certain question.
We clearly don't want to all be the same, we want to keep what makes us us.
On the other hand, I don't think anyone has ever wished "Man, I wish I was neurodivergent pariah!"
In an ideal world, could a decent compromise between "Super-Uniform" and "Super-Different." exist?
Its not really a question that has much of a baring on reality, but I felt compelled to comment anyway.
I hope your break is super restful in the meantime. We don't want you burning out.
As humans I feel the Internet has brought out the worst in us due to wider accessibility/our inability to personify text on a screen. Gratification seems to be key to people, yeah. And for those of us who're uncomfortable/struggling at work/out in the world, where else can we go?
I do relate to your frustration at discovering you have an interest only 0.05% of the population have, and of that "huge" percentage, less than a quarter of them have my level of "do no harm". Sometimes I'll find something small, but it's only after fighting 88°-uphill. This is why I draw, too. That one other freak like me may appreciate it, if they ever actually find my work, assuming I've posted it, and it hasn't been blacklisted and removed.