It's been months, and I don't think I wrote that I got a new cat. It's a major change in my life and my routine. Chancellor Jarnathan (CJ) is an all white male 1-year-old firecracker that is very, very bitey. I think he might be part Siamese. He enjoys: Eating insulation. Eating rubber bands. Waiting to use his box while I'm cleaning it. Destroying entire rolls of toilet paper. Machine gun farting on my lap while he's unconscious. Biting. Attacking. Running into a long jump over the couch. Eating his toys and feathers. Jumping in the shower while I'm in the god damn shower. Catnip. Catnip treats. Eating too fast and throwing up. Being very gentle and sweet when I come home, then he bites. Climbing up on top of the kitchen cabinets and then meowing in distress. Vehemently accusing me of negligence when I don't let him sleep with me. Sleeping on top of me. Jumping on the keyboard while I'm trying to send an email. Dilating his eyes and poofing his tail up and then doing a jump-bite.

I am pretty sure he's going to eat me when I die, no hesitation. I'm like a steak he likes to cuddle with just before it's dinner time.

He is preceded by Hephzebah. Hephzebah passed away just this last winter. She was arguably the sweetest cat I ever had. I guess I didn't write about it because I was pretty broken up at the time. I got her right around the time when I moved, so she had been here as long as I have. She was completely terrified of me when I first let her out of that disposable cardboard kennel. She basically lived behind the couch, and that was fine. On one side of the couch, I placed her food bowl and water bowl right at the end, so she wouldn't have to leave her safe space. The couch was downstairs, too, so that entire room became her's. It took her a really long time to warm up to me, but when she did... she was so sweet. She never, ever bit or scratched me. You could pet her chest and tummy while she was on her back and you were completely safe (if you so much as look at CJ's tummy, he will take your eyes). She was still pretty skittish in general, at least for about a year, like you couldn't just run up on her. I keep a clay impression of her paw on my dresser, and she would definitely be a toilet ghost. Jarnathan is very sweet (when he wants to be) and I'm getting attached to him, but I think I'll always miss my Dumbest of Babies Boo-boo Bear.