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It's been a while....
6 months ago
It's unbelievable, but it's been like 5 years since I made this account. I'm gonna plough through the shame of slacking so much and explain a little of my situation. A lot happened during those 5 years, but most notably, I fell deeper and deeper into burnout, which started about that time, in 2020. The more time passed, the less I had energy for anything outside of work, my art suffered greatly.... and my project of recreating my DA gallery here was unwittingly put on hold because it seemed like uploading art and copy-pasting descriptions required too much brainpower somehow.
The truth is.... the days passed me by and became weeks and months, and somehow years slid through and I just watched them unable to muster the energy to do anything with them. You have no idea just how.... how easily this happens, and how permanent exhaustion can be. Those 5 years literally passed in a haze and I can barely remember anything from them (I have quite serious memory issues now), until I finally realized I have to put a stopper to it or.... I don't even know. And I only did because I had something fall on me from out of the blue and kick me in the face.
In short, last year I suddenly discovered I'm autistic and I began learning I've been doing massive damage to myself all these years. I began learning all the ways how. And I came to understand that I cannot go on this way and that.... because I'd been ploughing through like this for so long now I have some.... let's say limitations. I lost my job, but I gained a little bit of art back. My brain is still not what it used to be, I feel my cognitive abilities still very diminished compared to what I was before (i.e. I struggle to think, design and problem-solve), I am still living in a constant haze and I experience my brain's inability to form memories normally all the time. 9 months after I am no longer working I am still so exhausted that sometimes it hurts. But I am veeeeeery slowwwwly regaining the ability to do at least basic things. Things I had put aside in the closet even if I really really shouldn't have, simply because I had no energy whatsoever.
So.... here I am, trying to just resume stuff from where it sort of fell apart. I am sorry to say I still need more time to recreate my whole gallery from DA (the art, not the photos) ....but I am proceeding. Meanwhile I am trying to figure out how will I be able to stay alive in this world which demands having money to exist if I am not able to work fulltime anymore.... because I am pretty sure this is a thing of the past for me. At least if I want to.... you know, stay alive and reasonably creative.
Anyway.... that's just a snippet of my story. I've made it into a hobby of telling people about my experience in hope that it works as a warning to others.... Please do not do to yourselves what I have inflicted upon myself. Take care of yourself. Whatever the world tells you, take care of yourself, rest, do not neglect your needs and your drive to do art. Stay close to your art, if you find yourself letting your art go.... that's never a good sign for your mental health.
Take care.
The truth is.... the days passed me by and became weeks and months, and somehow years slid through and I just watched them unable to muster the energy to do anything with them. You have no idea just how.... how easily this happens, and how permanent exhaustion can be. Those 5 years literally passed in a haze and I can barely remember anything from them (I have quite serious memory issues now), until I finally realized I have to put a stopper to it or.... I don't even know. And I only did because I had something fall on me from out of the blue and kick me in the face.
In short, last year I suddenly discovered I'm autistic and I began learning I've been doing massive damage to myself all these years. I began learning all the ways how. And I came to understand that I cannot go on this way and that.... because I'd been ploughing through like this for so long now I have some.... let's say limitations. I lost my job, but I gained a little bit of art back. My brain is still not what it used to be, I feel my cognitive abilities still very diminished compared to what I was before (i.e. I struggle to think, design and problem-solve), I am still living in a constant haze and I experience my brain's inability to form memories normally all the time. 9 months after I am no longer working I am still so exhausted that sometimes it hurts. But I am veeeeeery slowwwwly regaining the ability to do at least basic things. Things I had put aside in the closet even if I really really shouldn't have, simply because I had no energy whatsoever.
So.... here I am, trying to just resume stuff from where it sort of fell apart. I am sorry to say I still need more time to recreate my whole gallery from DA (the art, not the photos) ....but I am proceeding. Meanwhile I am trying to figure out how will I be able to stay alive in this world which demands having money to exist if I am not able to work fulltime anymore.... because I am pretty sure this is a thing of the past for me. At least if I want to.... you know, stay alive and reasonably creative.
Anyway.... that's just a snippet of my story. I've made it into a hobby of telling people about my experience in hope that it works as a warning to others.... Please do not do to yourselves what I have inflicted upon myself. Take care of yourself. Whatever the world tells you, take care of yourself, rest, do not neglect your needs and your drive to do art. Stay close to your art, if you find yourself letting your art go.... that's never a good sign for your mental health.
Take care.
