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Update.
4 months ago
Hey everyone. So, I've been meaning to make this journal a while ago, but I admit, I got worried. But there's some things that need to be said. It's nothing super serious, but still worth mentioning since it's about commissions and such. So just a heads up, this might be a bit of a long read. Now...
First, I do wanna thank those who has paid for a commission and are being patient with me. Really appreciate it. However, I also want to apologize for how long I'm taking with them. Other than maybe burnout (which I'll get to), I don't have any excuse for being so late with them. That being said, I haven't forgotten who I owe, and I'm gonna get them done. Of course, action speak louder than words and I gotta prove it. I also need to do better at contacting clients too. Overall, I just need to do better.
I did mention burnout, and I guess that's part of it. Outside of a few quick gestures, I haven't been able to draw much. I do think one of the reasons is because I've been doing commissions for so long, but barely have done anything for myself. Of course I could've done more personal art, but I won't deny I'm pretty slow, and then I find myself trying to focus on only commissions. Heck, there's been times I've stayed up entire nights working on commissions, which, obviously isn't a good idea. No doubt that contributed to the burnout. Basically: I'm treating art more like work and not trying to have fun. That needs to change.
I do plan on giving my commission Terms of Service a complete overhaul whenever I officially open up. Not only to make things more clear on what I like to draw and such, but also to hold myself more accountable. I'm honestly considering adding some kind of deadline that I need to have the commission done. And if I don't, well, I'll add some kind of penalty, like maybe a partial refund. I'm still work-shopping some things, and I'm more than likely gonna run my ideas to others to get feedback.
I guess I've also been unintentionally comparing myself to other artists. Obviously, you should never do that. I've known that for years. But I think I've been accidentally doing it while browsing sites like Artstation. I keep seeing stuff on there that make me go, "I hope to get that good" and it's not just on Artstation either. I've seen my fair share of great and productive artists on Bluesky, and I hope to get to their level too. I've been telling myself that I need to improve, but not sure how to go about it. There's been times where I don't think I've improved that much. I know most of you will tell me otherwise, but I do feel like there's things I should know by now such as perspective, light and shadow, backgrounds, and such. I do want to get better, but I'm not entirely sure how to approach it.
While the whole AI thing is part of it, I won't say it's a huge part of the burnout. I do know for a fact that most people with actual taste will support actual artist and not people who pose as artists. It's definitely concerning though, especially when you know someone whose art style and/or character has been made into a model for people to use without consent, or even finding out that particular person is contributing to it. But, I'm not gonna give up on being an artist because of AI. That's for sure.
That being said, the fact that I've came across Furry AI bros on Patreon making $500-1000+ a month is nothing short of baffling. Like, how sad, desperate, and horny do you have to be to pay for AI generated stuff and not support actual artists? C'mon...
I probably mentioned it a while ago, but for quite some time, I've been trying to better myself when it comes to being productive. Also, as some of you know, I'm a huge over thinker and perfectionist. Sadly my overthinking has gotten to where I start doubting myself as an artist and even been scared about clients and other people not liking what I've created. And it's not just art where I've experienced those thoughts, but in real life too. Some of the stuff some YouTubers bring up about routines, productivity, and such might be bit much, but I have found useful stuff like the Pomodoro Technique. There is a part of me that does think I should try to find some routine that works for me, but I do wonder if it maybe I'm wasting my time. I dunno.
I also need to start taking better care of myself. While I don't have any medical issues, I still need to be careful. My late dad passed away due to type-2 diabetes, and unfortunately, that illness runs on his side of the family. So there's always a possibility I could get it too. Obviously, it's not a guarantee, and it can be preventable if I take care of myself. Which...yeah. I also need to sleep better. I can probably count on one hand the amount of times I've gotten 8+ hours of uninterrupted sleep since this year started (and probably late last year too). I don't have a sleeping disorder, but I think it mostly comes from thinking too much. Can't exactly sleep well if you have too much on the mind, y'know?
This is getting long, so I'm gonna end it. But yeah, when it comes to commissions, I need to be a better artist and a businessman. I didn't want to mention this cause I don't want it to look like I'm trying to get sympathy or anything of the sort, but I currently don't have a job, and haven't had much luck. So for now at least, I want to try and make a bit of a living with my art. It might not get to where I can make a living 100% anytime soon, but I do think it can get to where I can help out, y'know? Especially thanks to a certain someone with power, things are getting more expensive. I do think if I keep improving my skills and be more consistent, eventually I can make a living off my art no problem. But in order to do that, I need to be better, and well, only me can change me.
I'm gonna make this the last time I mention it until I get what needs to be done, but if you want to help out in any way financially until I open for commissions again or even after, I do have a Ko-Fi account. Even a dollar helps me out big time. It's completely up to you.
Right, so after I finish posting this, eat, and clean up the house, I'm gonna try to put pen on canvas. I need to force myself to draw. Can't always rely on motivation to get you going. Plus, art is supposed to be fun, not insanely stressful, right? If you guys has any advice, suggestions, and such on anything I've talked about, I'm all ears.
Anyway, sorry for all of this. Take care everyone, and stay safe.
~JT
First, I do wanna thank those who has paid for a commission and are being patient with me. Really appreciate it. However, I also want to apologize for how long I'm taking with them. Other than maybe burnout (which I'll get to), I don't have any excuse for being so late with them. That being said, I haven't forgotten who I owe, and I'm gonna get them done. Of course, action speak louder than words and I gotta prove it. I also need to do better at contacting clients too. Overall, I just need to do better.
I did mention burnout, and I guess that's part of it. Outside of a few quick gestures, I haven't been able to draw much. I do think one of the reasons is because I've been doing commissions for so long, but barely have done anything for myself. Of course I could've done more personal art, but I won't deny I'm pretty slow, and then I find myself trying to focus on only commissions. Heck, there's been times I've stayed up entire nights working on commissions, which, obviously isn't a good idea. No doubt that contributed to the burnout. Basically: I'm treating art more like work and not trying to have fun. That needs to change.
I do plan on giving my commission Terms of Service a complete overhaul whenever I officially open up. Not only to make things more clear on what I like to draw and such, but also to hold myself more accountable. I'm honestly considering adding some kind of deadline that I need to have the commission done. And if I don't, well, I'll add some kind of penalty, like maybe a partial refund. I'm still work-shopping some things, and I'm more than likely gonna run my ideas to others to get feedback.
I guess I've also been unintentionally comparing myself to other artists. Obviously, you should never do that. I've known that for years. But I think I've been accidentally doing it while browsing sites like Artstation. I keep seeing stuff on there that make me go, "I hope to get that good" and it's not just on Artstation either. I've seen my fair share of great and productive artists on Bluesky, and I hope to get to their level too. I've been telling myself that I need to improve, but not sure how to go about it. There's been times where I don't think I've improved that much. I know most of you will tell me otherwise, but I do feel like there's things I should know by now such as perspective, light and shadow, backgrounds, and such. I do want to get better, but I'm not entirely sure how to approach it.
While the whole AI thing is part of it, I won't say it's a huge part of the burnout. I do know for a fact that most people with actual taste will support actual artist and not people who pose as artists. It's definitely concerning though, especially when you know someone whose art style and/or character has been made into a model for people to use without consent, or even finding out that particular person is contributing to it. But, I'm not gonna give up on being an artist because of AI. That's for sure.
That being said, the fact that I've came across Furry AI bros on Patreon making $500-1000+ a month is nothing short of baffling. Like, how sad, desperate, and horny do you have to be to pay for AI generated stuff and not support actual artists? C'mon...
I probably mentioned it a while ago, but for quite some time, I've been trying to better myself when it comes to being productive. Also, as some of you know, I'm a huge over thinker and perfectionist. Sadly my overthinking has gotten to where I start doubting myself as an artist and even been scared about clients and other people not liking what I've created. And it's not just art where I've experienced those thoughts, but in real life too. Some of the stuff some YouTubers bring up about routines, productivity, and such might be bit much, but I have found useful stuff like the Pomodoro Technique. There is a part of me that does think I should try to find some routine that works for me, but I do wonder if it maybe I'm wasting my time. I dunno.
I also need to start taking better care of myself. While I don't have any medical issues, I still need to be careful. My late dad passed away due to type-2 diabetes, and unfortunately, that illness runs on his side of the family. So there's always a possibility I could get it too. Obviously, it's not a guarantee, and it can be preventable if I take care of myself. Which...yeah. I also need to sleep better. I can probably count on one hand the amount of times I've gotten 8+ hours of uninterrupted sleep since this year started (and probably late last year too). I don't have a sleeping disorder, but I think it mostly comes from thinking too much. Can't exactly sleep well if you have too much on the mind, y'know?
This is getting long, so I'm gonna end it. But yeah, when it comes to commissions, I need to be a better artist and a businessman. I didn't want to mention this cause I don't want it to look like I'm trying to get sympathy or anything of the sort, but I currently don't have a job, and haven't had much luck. So for now at least, I want to try and make a bit of a living with my art. It might not get to where I can make a living 100% anytime soon, but I do think it can get to where I can help out, y'know? Especially thanks to a certain someone with power, things are getting more expensive. I do think if I keep improving my skills and be more consistent, eventually I can make a living off my art no problem. But in order to do that, I need to be better, and well, only me can change me.
I'm gonna make this the last time I mention it until I get what needs to be done, but if you want to help out in any way financially until I open for commissions again or even after, I do have a Ko-Fi account. Even a dollar helps me out big time. It's completely up to you.
Right, so after I finish posting this, eat, and clean up the house, I'm gonna try to put pen on canvas. I need to force myself to draw. Can't always rely on motivation to get you going. Plus, art is supposed to be fun, not insanely stressful, right? If you guys has any advice, suggestions, and such on anything I've talked about, I'm all ears.
Anyway, sorry for all of this. Take care everyone, and stay safe.
~JT
You have my support, Jay. For what it's worth, know that you have genuinely improved over time and I think if you keep up that momentum, you'll level up even more. I wish I could say the same for myself, but that's a path I need to plot first.
I'm totally in support of you having time to create personally relevant and valued material. And in many cases, it's not for public consumption ever. I guess mine isn't either tbh, but I like to have some evidence of time I spend in pursuit of satisfaction in creative pursuits even though it's obtuse, unrelatable, irrelevant and uninteresting to most. The achievement of producing something that gave me a sense of accomplishment is sufficient.
Thanks!
Now that they're done, there has been satisfaction. Not always the case, though. Sometimes just more like I started a journey, ran out of gas, and left the vehicle where I took it and just stopped cold. These still were useful as the frayed ends became threads to pick up and try weaving with later on.
I don't equivocate creative writing with illustration. How can anyone do that? Totally different medium, totally different mode of expression, and a different cortex engaged when you consume these sorts of media (right brain art; left brain language). The aftereffects might relate, however. Doing something you want can be personally rewarding, satisfying, and a relief from that nagging voice in the head. Whether that has a ripple effect on further projects, the professional ones, I can't say because I've not written projects not my own... well not in about 35 years more or less.