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Left out to dry again
3 months ago
I wish I knew what I was doing wrong here. What I can do to somehow fix this.
I can count on less than one hand, in fact, I can count on two fingers the amount of people that give me any sort of semi regular attention. I have so many others. No matter how much I've helped, how much I encourage and be nice to...how much money i spend, i just I can't give anyone to give a shit about me.
I know I'm neurodivergent, I know I have ADHD and autism and depression and anxiety and mood disorder. I know I can be self destructive.
And I understand that's not easy to get along with. That I'm not the easiest person to get along with. That I can sometimes be high maintenance.
But fuck..why is this so hard. Why is it so hard to get people to care? What am I doing wrong?
I can count on less than one hand, in fact, I can count on two fingers the amount of people that give me any sort of semi regular attention. I have so many others. No matter how much I've helped, how much I encourage and be nice to...how much money i spend, i just I can't give anyone to give a shit about me.
I know I'm neurodivergent, I know I have ADHD and autism and depression and anxiety and mood disorder. I know I can be self destructive.
And I understand that's not easy to get along with. That I'm not the easiest person to get along with. That I can sometimes be high maintenance.
But fuck..why is this so hard. Why is it so hard to get people to care? What am I doing wrong?
I do have to wonder though, have you only helped people out, paid attention and time to get something in return?
Are you asking whether this is all one big plan of mine to gain clout or money or free stuff?
What I mean moreso is, are you setting yourself up for misery by keeping a running tally? You shouldn't let people take advantage of you, but there's a level where you're likely to get less reciprocated attention back, especially short term.
I don't know your relationships, or what exactly you may have done for whom, but it's easy, especially anymore, to fall into a category of admirer moreso than friend for some fandom people of note.
That slides into a cycle where you're just going to give more and slip into misery