I had planned to stream today but my sleep cycle is so messed up right now 😑 And I'm not gonna lie, it's hard to motivate myself to slip into my latex when there's nobody around here to share in that with.

I know next to nobody watches my streams on my Facebook page, anyway. Maybe just one or two dedicated followers and the occasional person who pops in for a minute or two. I just don't have a lot of motivation to do it sometimes, and my energy being wrecked today (I'm training for a 5K also, so maybe that has something to do with the oversleeping? idk) just completely sapped me of any will to get into my rubber suit and hood when my whole body hurts from running.

I dunno. I feel like I'm having some serious motivational problems in general. I've been struggling with my writing a lot lately also; I promised myself to finish my sci-fi book first before beginning the third entry into the Icasra books, but I've been doing maybe 500 words a week on average, on a GOOD week.

And even in my writings, I feel the motivation starting to wane and that scares me. I wrote the Icasra books mainly to share a message of the purity of latex fetishism and pride in it by presenting it in a light that ALL readers could enjoy, from all walks of life. I never expected to get rich selling the books or anything, but I did hope to generate talk and receive feedback. Sometimes that lacks too.

Where I live doesn't help this. Kentucky sucks, and by extension, the USA sucks. Maybe I'd be singing a different tune if I lived in a progressive state but who knows. Point is I get bogged down here in splitting myself between being a "fake" of myself in this godforsaken state full of bible-thumpers, stupid hillbillies, and bourgeois equine culture in the rich places of the state. It's why I'm always obsessed with being with my friends abroad because I see their happiness, their freedom to be who they want to be and they don't have to fear being judged or discriminated against or belittled. Or they have places there that host and champion such things. Not here in the Bluegrass state, nope. And since there's so little like that, I feel my motivation crumble because I don't think anything I'm doing makes a difference or gets noticed in this place.

It's just frustrating, is all, and I'm probably rambling on about nothing. I think I just feel guilty about not getting more into my expensive kink, but it's hard to do when you're alone. I feel like I don't wear it enough and it's why I want to stream, but like I said, I just feel sapped of all energy today and my body hurts from the training.

Rambling over. I'm sorry. I hope I do get to stream again soon and write more intensely.