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A question about life
2 months ago
So... Hey.
Just personal, mostly irl shit. Don't read if you aren't interested in that.
(Or if it's you, the person because of whom I'm fucking lost. Don't read it, don't message me again. If you're not going to fix what you've done, just unwatch me, block me.)
I know that artistic people often a bit different from... Uh... normal people? Maybe someone could tell me something useful.
I'm introvert, to put it mildly. I believe this thing like I live is called to be hikikomori, or whatever. I'm staying in my room most of the time, unable to make new acquaintances and very bad in conversations. Even small necessary things that require to leave the apartment and interact with strangers are making me almost panic. I'm usually trying to hold it back but it's pretty unpleasant.
Once in the past I've almost fainted when I've had to wait in a queue in the hallway full of people.
I haven't been outside for years.
I've had a very close friend, a partner I'd say even, for a very, very long time. They were the only one with whom I saw the future. Gods, I'm even flew to them by the plane and it felt okay, since I knew that I'm doing that for them, that I'll meet them for the first time. (We live in different cities)
But not so long ago they decided to break up with me after fifteen years of being together because I wasn't enough for them.
So the question is... How such people like me survive at all? It's so damn lonely and I see no future. I'm not a teen anymore to think "oh, it'll change", not even a young adult probably, I'm 31...
How people find the right person?
I'm have some quirks that aren't common in relationships, for example a desire to live childfree and a problems with intimacy that will definitely require a lot of patience and trust building if it will ever happen at all.
I feel like this is important but I can't just tell someone I barely know: "If we gonna be a thing, just know: no kids and no grabbing me for now, since I have a problem with being touched".
*sigh* I just don't know. At all.
Even to kms would be quite hard because human beings are too tenacious of life. There are no easy ways...
Just personal, mostly irl shit. Don't read if you aren't interested in that.
(Or if it's you, the person because of whom I'm fucking lost. Don't read it, don't message me again. If you're not going to fix what you've done, just unwatch me, block me.)
I know that artistic people often a bit different from... Uh... normal people? Maybe someone could tell me something useful.
I'm introvert, to put it mildly. I believe this thing like I live is called to be hikikomori, or whatever. I'm staying in my room most of the time, unable to make new acquaintances and very bad in conversations. Even small necessary things that require to leave the apartment and interact with strangers are making me almost panic. I'm usually trying to hold it back but it's pretty unpleasant.
Once in the past I've almost fainted when I've had to wait in a queue in the hallway full of people.
I haven't been outside for years.
I've had a very close friend, a partner I'd say even, for a very, very long time. They were the only one with whom I saw the future. Gods, I'm even flew to them by the plane and it felt okay, since I knew that I'm doing that for them, that I'll meet them for the first time. (We live in different cities)
But not so long ago they decided to break up with me after fifteen years of being together because I wasn't enough for them.
So the question is... How such people like me survive at all? It's so damn lonely and I see no future. I'm not a teen anymore to think "oh, it'll change", not even a young adult probably, I'm 31...
How people find the right person?
I'm have some quirks that aren't common in relationships, for example a desire to live childfree and a problems with intimacy that will definitely require a lot of patience and trust building if it will ever happen at all.
I feel like this is important but I can't just tell someone I barely know: "If we gonna be a thing, just know: no kids and no grabbing me for now, since I have a problem with being touched".
*sigh* I just don't know. At all.
Even to kms would be quite hard because human beings are too tenacious of life. There are no easy ways...
Finding someone to exist with is hard.
Fuck life.
I guess I should accept that too т^т
but my pathetic, introverted mind needs THE person. Unfortunately I'm not good in having friendS...
I need the one who will be with me and with whom I share everything in return q-q
It's like... needing to have a best and only friend and a partner for life both.
But I'm kinda afraid to get attached to someone again and to find out that I'm not enough. Again q-q
But thank you for understanding q^q
I'm pretty asexual myself and don't want children myself(I'm a woman and medically was advised against it) and touch makes me so uncomfortable and dating is hard. I've been single nearly 10 years.
I think as far as loneliness goes, that's a hard thing to concur and finding the "right" person is near impossible? Like I don't believe there is a "right" person persay because everyone has flaws, you just gotta find someone whom you're comfortable with somehow or just be content with creating happiness for yourself.
I say this as an introvert myself.
I have difficulties with meeting new people and getting closer to them. I just have no idea how to do that.
And the main thing, I'm not trying to find a friend. Just a friend, no matter how close, will probably have their own family and all, their partner and maybe kids. Family goes first, that is how it works and in the end I'm alone as I am now.
And I'm not looking for a perfect person. Of course everyone has flaws, me too. I just need the one who will accept mine and will become my family. No kids and stuff but together through the life to the end q-q
I thought that person with whom I was is the one. We were even sometimes thinking a bit about in which city we'll be living... It felt like a future, it was my, our future. I believed that they were accepting me. They were telling me that it's okay. But everything was just a lie т_т
I know it's hard meeting new people and getting close to them as someone who's an introvert and suffers from social anxiety(clinically and just anxiety in general) and having trust issues.
Anyways, I really do hope things go good for you~
But yeah, it's kinda an option. Kinda...
Again as I said in a post, I can't bother someone who is just becoming my friend with my personal shit, my... "requirements" for relationships.
And if it gradually becomes something more and if because of my personal quirks that person will like "nope, not gonna happen, I need more", then I'll just die. I'll not survive getting attached, only to suffer the repetition of that horror that happening right now. I'm not sure that I'll survive current one even. q-q
Thanks for trying to support me qvq