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callout posts and truama
3 months ago
a long time ago i used to run a vaporwave label. actually ive ran multiple, the first one got stolen by my ex and wouldnt let me influence or do anything with it anymore so i started a new label and did my own thing on it again. i eventually brought on someone to help me run the label and do things like ship cassette tapes etc. lets call this person "milly". one day, my ex, sent an "anonymous" album made by an "anonymous" artist that i knew exactly who it was but it didnt matter because honestly the music banged and it fit my label quite well i thought. eventually this album gets the attention of one of my friends, lets call him "david". david owns a very large music label, and wanted an album made by the same person. the alias being anonymous i told them who i thought it was and let him figure it out, which he did and got that artist to make an album for his label. that album went on to become incredibly popular and controversial because it was a nightcore album on a vaporwave label. me and david enjoyed seeing the feedback these albums were producing and i enjoyed the massive influx of attention my very small label was getting. it felt like a real second chance to make another successful music label.
milly though, did not like this. she felt like she "knew better" that she "saw through it" and believed that this whole thing was a massive rouse and joke that we were not in on. that "we" were being made fun of and taken for a ride. i thought this was ridiculous because a little controversy goes a long way in becoming successful. (why i make my furry art i do) eventually she demands that the album is removed from the label. i tell her fine, but im gonna prove that this isnt a joke and show her that the wild feedback these albums were getting was purely because of the music and not some big planned event. and i did. and i got screenshots and i put the album back up.
about a week later she decides that i am using her and she tells me in a lengthy message that we are no longer friends. she also banned about a dozen or so people from the discord server we both ran and i was left without a friend group. this was traumatizing quite frankly and i began freaking out, why were none of my friends my friends anymore? at first i tried re-entering their friend groups but that made them all double down and insist i was a shitty person and deserved the treatment that was to come my way.
this led into a heated back and forth between me and them. at first i was just sad and confused but those feelings quickly turned into anger and i showed it towards them. every day milly contacted people they knew were close to me to try and rip them away from me. and randomly, people would leave. i never knew who was next. i didnt know who i could trust anymore. see, i did not have a lot of friends in my life. a socially awkward nerd shut-in i have always struggled to make friends due to my freakish nature and "being autistic". the vaporwave scene was like, genuinely the first time in my life i had a real friend group. it was also the first time in my life people around me admired me and took an interest to my art. it felt good, and art is still that for me. a way to prove myself i guess.
milly made callout posts about me. she got other people to do it too. eventually it wasnt just her trying to ruin me. it was fucking relentless, anywhere i went they were there to make sure i did not feel welcome. i only made this worse. i am not very good at defusing a situation and i just got mad at them and tried to hurt them. all that did was make people leave me faster. eventually i closed that label i started to get away from my ex. it was proven to me i cant make art with anyone or really trust anyone i meet online. being vulnerable and honest is a weakness and the deceitful and hateful ones are who thrive on here.
the harassment campaign begins. every single account i have online gets mass reported. i get banned over and over on twitter. friends are still leaving me. these people started with the narrative that i am "abusive" and "a liar" and "mean". this quickly evolved into just making shit up about me like me being a pedophile, saying that i was dating a 13 year old when i was 18 and just accusing me of being a general bigot. a friend of mine who was in the discord server where they would talk about me would show me that my name showed up in the search history thousands of times. they were fucking obsessed and the only thing that would satisfy them would be me killing myself.
i try hiding myself, i delete all of my music online and i try to become a memory. didnt fix shit.
the harassment campaign evolves further, eventually people ive never even interacted with were joining in the fun on beating me while i was down. the accusations got more deranged, and i began questioning my own sanity honestly. it was fucking exhausting. my time in the vaporwave scene ended the second milly cut me off. i was not someone to care about anymore, and they were successful in excommunicating me from that shithole music scene. the problem was, they would not stop harassing me because, at the end of the day, i was a better artist than any of them. even though i just wanted to be left alone so i could move onto another thing, they kept on me as long as possible. they were jealous, spiteful people because its not fair that someone like me gets to have "it". and lets be real, its just fun to bully people.
eventually, i make a new label. decision number 1: I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO WILL RUN IT. honestly, this label has the least amount of sauce out of all the things ive made at this point. i am tired and the label was made when i was in my darkest part of my life. im too scared to do something fun, so the label plays it as safe as possible. every upload it feels like i was looking over my shoulder. it was kind of, just, not very fun. but it was like, nice, to have something again. as a way to defy these people i guess. some of my friends and people ive taken interest in over the years release their music on it too.
eventually, a youtuber who i am not naming, started interviewing a friend of mine because of an album he made that was released on my label. a genre i made years ago at this point was this youtubers focus of interest. he asks me for an interview and i give my thoughts on this thing i made when i was 15. i was scared even in this process, i knew what was coming, but my groomer/ex told me i should do it anyways. interview goes over fine, but my answer to "what is this genre" was literally just "i am fucking depressed and this video, and all of my music, will be deleted and gone forever eventually". its funny because i think he thought that was genius and so did a lot of people when the video came out. it got 700,000 views before it was deleted because someone told the youtuber whatever. video is down. but a funny thing is, my was-obscure genre had become something people were talking about. 4 year old albums became huge over-night essentially. i was not in the mood to exploit this though. i was tired and scared. i pretty much just continued to keep to myself and hope eventually these people would move on from this shit.
a year later, after pretty much the same harassment shit the entire time, someone asked a close friend of mine if she was still "talking to me". when she said yes she was messaged some bullshit and blocked. to be honest this was the final straw for me. i had made a successful label 3 separate fucking times and each time it was ripped from me by someone else. nothing to lose. fuck it. i made a callout post about milly. i had receipts and proof of her shitty behavior and just general gross-ness. that callout post did exactly what i wanted, pretty much immediately killed that harassment campaign and i actually got peace after 5 years. though, frankly, i shouldve made it 4 years before that. i didnt because i was scared. because i was convinced these people were right about me. that the things they accused me of were actually true and i would blackout and do things i wasnt aware of. and jesus fucking christ this shit traumatized me like crazy. all i wanted was to be these peoples friends.
a lot of text. if you read this thanks but to be honest this post is selfish. i needed to vent.
its been 5 years since all of this now. i am the happiest i have been in a while and i think im doing pretty good. but tonight i gotta ask myself. why am i still obsessed with this? why cant i move on? and yeah, its because im traumatized. its because none of those people who i, at one point, considered friends ever said sorry. its because my success was deemed a threat to these people and they felt it necessary to ruin me. to make sure i was so destroyed that i will never come back to challenge their 1-inch deep shitty vaporwave ever again. its because for years, i felt like i needed a lot of internet followers so i can prove to them that i am actually "good" and theyll get jealous or whatever. all spite. all revenge. i do still want it. but these people dont even realize im making furry art now.. like. they dont know where i am now. they think they won. and i guess thats why im writing this out. because its not fucking fair they get to think they won. that they get to think harassing someone like me works and its because, to them, it did. they just had to keep digging me a new grave.
milly though, did not like this. she felt like she "knew better" that she "saw through it" and believed that this whole thing was a massive rouse and joke that we were not in on. that "we" were being made fun of and taken for a ride. i thought this was ridiculous because a little controversy goes a long way in becoming successful. (why i make my furry art i do) eventually she demands that the album is removed from the label. i tell her fine, but im gonna prove that this isnt a joke and show her that the wild feedback these albums were getting was purely because of the music and not some big planned event. and i did. and i got screenshots and i put the album back up.
about a week later she decides that i am using her and she tells me in a lengthy message that we are no longer friends. she also banned about a dozen or so people from the discord server we both ran and i was left without a friend group. this was traumatizing quite frankly and i began freaking out, why were none of my friends my friends anymore? at first i tried re-entering their friend groups but that made them all double down and insist i was a shitty person and deserved the treatment that was to come my way.
this led into a heated back and forth between me and them. at first i was just sad and confused but those feelings quickly turned into anger and i showed it towards them. every day milly contacted people they knew were close to me to try and rip them away from me. and randomly, people would leave. i never knew who was next. i didnt know who i could trust anymore. see, i did not have a lot of friends in my life. a socially awkward nerd shut-in i have always struggled to make friends due to my freakish nature and "being autistic". the vaporwave scene was like, genuinely the first time in my life i had a real friend group. it was also the first time in my life people around me admired me and took an interest to my art. it felt good, and art is still that for me. a way to prove myself i guess.
milly made callout posts about me. she got other people to do it too. eventually it wasnt just her trying to ruin me. it was fucking relentless, anywhere i went they were there to make sure i did not feel welcome. i only made this worse. i am not very good at defusing a situation and i just got mad at them and tried to hurt them. all that did was make people leave me faster. eventually i closed that label i started to get away from my ex. it was proven to me i cant make art with anyone or really trust anyone i meet online. being vulnerable and honest is a weakness and the deceitful and hateful ones are who thrive on here.
the harassment campaign begins. every single account i have online gets mass reported. i get banned over and over on twitter. friends are still leaving me. these people started with the narrative that i am "abusive" and "a liar" and "mean". this quickly evolved into just making shit up about me like me being a pedophile, saying that i was dating a 13 year old when i was 18 and just accusing me of being a general bigot. a friend of mine who was in the discord server where they would talk about me would show me that my name showed up in the search history thousands of times. they were fucking obsessed and the only thing that would satisfy them would be me killing myself.
i try hiding myself, i delete all of my music online and i try to become a memory. didnt fix shit.
the harassment campaign evolves further, eventually people ive never even interacted with were joining in the fun on beating me while i was down. the accusations got more deranged, and i began questioning my own sanity honestly. it was fucking exhausting. my time in the vaporwave scene ended the second milly cut me off. i was not someone to care about anymore, and they were successful in excommunicating me from that shithole music scene. the problem was, they would not stop harassing me because, at the end of the day, i was a better artist than any of them. even though i just wanted to be left alone so i could move onto another thing, they kept on me as long as possible. they were jealous, spiteful people because its not fair that someone like me gets to have "it". and lets be real, its just fun to bully people.
eventually, i make a new label. decision number 1: I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO WILL RUN IT. honestly, this label has the least amount of sauce out of all the things ive made at this point. i am tired and the label was made when i was in my darkest part of my life. im too scared to do something fun, so the label plays it as safe as possible. every upload it feels like i was looking over my shoulder. it was kind of, just, not very fun. but it was like, nice, to have something again. as a way to defy these people i guess. some of my friends and people ive taken interest in over the years release their music on it too.
eventually, a youtuber who i am not naming, started interviewing a friend of mine because of an album he made that was released on my label. a genre i made years ago at this point was this youtubers focus of interest. he asks me for an interview and i give my thoughts on this thing i made when i was 15. i was scared even in this process, i knew what was coming, but my groomer/ex told me i should do it anyways. interview goes over fine, but my answer to "what is this genre" was literally just "i am fucking depressed and this video, and all of my music, will be deleted and gone forever eventually". its funny because i think he thought that was genius and so did a lot of people when the video came out. it got 700,000 views before it was deleted because someone told the youtuber whatever. video is down. but a funny thing is, my was-obscure genre had become something people were talking about. 4 year old albums became huge over-night essentially. i was not in the mood to exploit this though. i was tired and scared. i pretty much just continued to keep to myself and hope eventually these people would move on from this shit.
a year later, after pretty much the same harassment shit the entire time, someone asked a close friend of mine if she was still "talking to me". when she said yes she was messaged some bullshit and blocked. to be honest this was the final straw for me. i had made a successful label 3 separate fucking times and each time it was ripped from me by someone else. nothing to lose. fuck it. i made a callout post about milly. i had receipts and proof of her shitty behavior and just general gross-ness. that callout post did exactly what i wanted, pretty much immediately killed that harassment campaign and i actually got peace after 5 years. though, frankly, i shouldve made it 4 years before that. i didnt because i was scared. because i was convinced these people were right about me. that the things they accused me of were actually true and i would blackout and do things i wasnt aware of. and jesus fucking christ this shit traumatized me like crazy. all i wanted was to be these peoples friends.
a lot of text. if you read this thanks but to be honest this post is selfish. i needed to vent.
its been 5 years since all of this now. i am the happiest i have been in a while and i think im doing pretty good. but tonight i gotta ask myself. why am i still obsessed with this? why cant i move on? and yeah, its because im traumatized. its because none of those people who i, at one point, considered friends ever said sorry. its because my success was deemed a threat to these people and they felt it necessary to ruin me. to make sure i was so destroyed that i will never come back to challenge their 1-inch deep shitty vaporwave ever again. its because for years, i felt like i needed a lot of internet followers so i can prove to them that i am actually "good" and theyll get jealous or whatever. all spite. all revenge. i do still want it. but these people dont even realize im making furry art now.. like. they dont know where i am now. they think they won. and i guess thats why im writing this out. because its not fucking fair they get to think they won. that they get to think harassing someone like me works and its because, to them, it did. they just had to keep digging me a new grave.
I'm sad that you had to go through this.
People were obviously just jealous of your talent. It's disgusting the way that people can behave like that.
It sucks knowing the people who hurt you are doing fine.
Red says I need to stop typing and Sleep ~st
i understand a lot. i don't want to get into it specifically here but i had very very very similar situation to you and was put through a similar problems. i don't think any of them except for a few even know i make furry art either. i'm sorry that all happened, but i am so happy that you are out of that situation and doing better.
there needs to be a way to talk about these sort of things. its become such a problem and traumatized so many young people that i feel like we're going to end up seeing it brought up a lot in the next coming years.