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🌼 Return
4 months ago
Hey all.
The time away made me rethink my view on online spaces like these. It's cool to have a home away from home and to have a following there or be recognized online for something that people like to see but you shouldn't let it have total control over how you make decisions and live your actual life. But I digress
While logged out, I had experimented with other ways to occupy myself during my downtime that didn't involve me being on here or social media. The most successful activities were giving custom wrap designs to my rides in NFS Heat, getting some exercise outside by walking a loop along the roadways around the area where I live some days and cleaning up various things around the house. Trust me, the feeling of satisfaction when you accomplish/finish something that you have been procrastinating so long on actually doing is very pleasant and based.
Admittedly, there were a handful of moments where I subconsciously clicked the bookmark to FA but me being logged out served as a reminder that I was "on break" and should be trying to focus on stuff other than furry smut for the time being. That also made me a bit concerned about what everyone that follows me here is thinking and things that I might have missed out on. Lastly, It kind of felt like I had cut a piece of identity off from myself, and how I want to be seen when I am present in online spaces with my fursona, Xevy. I feel that they, frankly, are an extension of myself, and there were a couple moments where I experienced the withdrawal from not being able to present myself as the "Furry Swampert" to my friends or share that experience with others online. It really sucked but it also was a decision I willingly made and needed to follow through with.
Logging back on here and seeing the mass of notifications, I strangely felt a sense of being welcomed back and remembering the feeling of being in a place I had left for so long, even though it's been just a little over a week. I am very happy and appreciative to be able to return and hang out here, even if my once-rampant enthusiasm for showing off and desire to fit in with the more popular furry groups/cliques out there has dulled over the years. I am also extremely grateful for the small group of friends (and coworkers at my jobs that I work well with) I know today, who see and understand me as a person who enjoys having fun no matter where we're at or what we're doing, I enjoy livening up the experience and it helps establish lasting, friendly interactions for the future!
With my return to from, I'll slowly but surely make my way through the hundreds of art posts and respond to notifications from those that I am following or have made comments. I also have a couple comms that were completed over my absence that I would like to post and that I think y'all will like, so stay tuned for that~
Seriously, thank you all for your patience and/or concern for my well-being while I was out. It really, really means alot to me and shows that in today's harsh world, there are people that still do care and have a good heart 🥺💙
Y'all rock on!!!-Xevy 🐺🐟
About that thing about being frustrated you aren't giving off your fursona's vibes, don't forget that being yourself goes over playing a character.
It kinda falls in with the "home away from home" part, I do apologize if I don't have a fancy elaborate way to explain, but thats what it really did feel like
But of course, real life takes priority over a fictional one no matter how much I would like to switch over
You said it, but just to underline it anyway: the fact that those feelings have dulled over the years is a positive for you! Those very feelings ate away at me in the late '90s (involving people who are no longer really remembered, anyhow), and I got nothing out of any of the spent energy.
We both made a lot of mistakes back then... but guess what? We got to cash them all in and get large amounts of real-life XP to utilize in the future to better ourselves and maybe teach others not to make the same mistakes!